


Invisible

by Obsessive_mishamigo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Bottom Dean, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Violence, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, I’m the closet, M/M, Rape, Smut, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean Winchester, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Dean Winchester, non-con, small hint of sabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-02 22:51:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 37
Words: 48,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17272646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsessive_mishamigo/pseuds/Obsessive_mishamigo
Summary: For his whole life, Castiel felt invisible...until he didn't. Dean saw him and his pain. Castiel was shocked until he found out it wasn't real. With Castiel hurting more than ever, can Dean get back in his good graces while dealing with his own demons?





	1. Chapter 1

Keeping his head down had always been the plan. He just needed to finish this year, and then he'd be headed to the college of his choice. He could finally get away from his miserable life. He was lost in thought when he heard Charlie's voice break through to him.

“Earth to Cas!” she smacked his head lightly with her hand.

“What?” He refocused on the people at the table.

Charlie was quite familiar with the look on his face. “Cas, are you okay? You've been spacing out a lot lately. And last week you bailed on movie night.” She gave him a concerned look.

He nodded. “Yeah, Char, I'm fine. And I told you, I have to study hard and get good grades.”

Kevin popped his head up. “But you're already top of the class. You're the reason my mom thinks I'm not studying,” he said with a snort of derision.

“Yes, but I need my grades to be better,” Cas argued.

Charlie stopped shoveling food in her mouth. “Why?” she asked between bites.

Cas tried not to roll his eyes as he met her curious gaze. “Trying to get out of this hellhole. I need to get a scholarship so I can go to college, preferably out of state, but I'll take something where I'm not here.”

Charlie sighed. “It's not too bad here.” Cas followed her gaze.

Charlie was staring at Dorothy Baum who sat at the popular table. Cas rolled his eyes. “Charlie, she doesn't know you exist,” he said sympathetically.

Charlie sighed heavily and stopped staring. “Maybe I can change that.”

“And if she's not into girls?” Cas replied.

“We don't want to see you get hurt,” Kevin added. He understood Castiel's concern.

Charlie nodded. “Maybe you're right, Cas. Maybe college will be better. Maybe we can go to the same one.”

Cas nodded. He and his friends were invisible to the rest of their peers. The only ones who knew they existed were the teachers and their bullies. Cas glanced around the crowded cafeteria and wondered how so many teenagers could ignore each other.

The bell rang, and the whole cafeteria jumped into motion. Castiel took his time knowing that he had five minutes between lunch and his next class. He stood to throw his trash away. His stomach grumbled and complained that a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was not sufficient enough. Someone knocked into him and caused him to drop the garbage. He sighed knowing they wouldn't acknowledge his presence and slowly bent down to get what he dropped.

“Hey, sorry,” he heard a voice say to him.

Castiel looked up and saw Dean Winchester, star of the football team, staring back at him. He could have sworn there was a slight tinge of pink in Dean's cheeks. Castiel nodded and averted his eyes. He threw his trash away. When he looked up again, the athlete had disappeared in the crowd. Castiel walked to his next class wondering if he'd imagined being noticed by the most popular guy in school and why the boy had been alone. Dean was never alone.

Classes ended before he realized it. His day had been uneventful with the exception that he'd been noticed by another student.

He dreaded dinner with his family. They forced small talk on him when they were present, and he despised how his father pretended to care about him when he knew otherwise. “Castiel, how was school today?”

Cas groaned internally. “It was fine.”

“You could elaborate,” his mother replied sharply. “We hope you're not wasting your education.”

 _What the hell do you care?_ “I'm top of my class,” he managed to say without sounding rude.

“Good. You need to keep up with your studies,” she replied. It was clear to Cas she hadn't heard him.

Hannah, his little sister, looked up to her parents. “Castiel is so smart,” she said. She was only ten.

“Sweetie, eat your vegetables. Flattery will not get you out of it,” their mother stated firmly. Obediently, the young girl finished her vegetables.

Cas excused himself from the table. He wished they would stop pretending to be a family. His father was having an affair with his secretary, and his mother was sleeping with several men. They kept this away from the house and tried to pretend to be normal for appearances sake. Cas had found out about both his parents’ affairs by accidentally walking in on them three years prior. This incident prompted them to purchase a car for Castiel for his silence and so he no longer depended on them for a ride.

Cas slipped into his room in silence. He crashed onto the bed. _When will this get better?_ He texted Charlie in hopes to occupy himself. He debated on whether or not to tell her about the encounter with Dean Winchester in the cafeteria. His internal debate became irrelevant when he saw her text.

 **Queen Charlie:** so I finally told my foster mom I'm a lesbian.

 **Castiel:** how did she react?

 **Queen Charlie:** she already knew. How did she know, cas?

 **Castiel:** idk. Are you ok?

 **Queen Charlie:** yeah, I think so. She seems pretty cool with it even though she's not a huge fan of my aunt.

 **Castiel:** that's great, char. Mine still pretend to like each other. They pretty much ignored me other than asking about my grades.

 **Queen Charlie:** think they'd even notice if you brought a boy home?

Castiel blushed before he typed his reply.

 **Castiel:** yeah, well it won't even matter until I can get a guy to notice me.

 **Queen Charlie:** dean noticed you today.

Castiel gasped. He stared at his phone for a minute. She'd seen it happen. It was real. Dean had noticed him. He'd spoken to him.

 **Castiel:** he didn't mean to. No one means to notice me. That's why college will be so much better. I can get away from here and no one will think I'm a loser or an outcast.

 **Queen Charlie:** Cas, you're not a loser or an outcast. Everyone else is just a bunch of jackasses.

Castiel didn't believe her. He never did when she said something like this. He bid her goodnight and tried to fall asleep. He struggled with his self image constantly and always decided that he wasn't worth the attention of even his friends. Eventually, he drifted off to sleep and his last thought before falling asleep was that perhaps tomorrow would be better.


	2. Chapter 2

Tomorrow wasn't any better. Castiel’s father had yelled at him for the cereal his sister ate for breakfast being gone. Cas had wanted to retort that his parents should be responsible for purchasing groceries, but this responsibility fell on Castiel. His parents only had dinner with him and Hannah twice a week. They were barely ever around.

Castiel arrived late to his first class because of his father. He had decided to punish Castiel. Hannah took the bus to school every day so Castiel couldn't possibly make her late. Cas winced as he took his seat in first period, glad he didn't share this class with Kevin or Charlie.

The hard plastic and metal of the chairs made sitting much worse after one of his father's punishments. He was certain his mother knew and didn't care about the punishments. He resented them both.

Castiel was pulled from his thoughts by a voice speaking directly to him. He looked up at the voice, stunned. He was so shocked that he only stared at Dean instead of responding.

“Dude, you okay?” Dean repeated. Castiel nodded slowly in hopes that the other boy would go back to ignoring him like everyone else. Dean looked him over. Castiel felt naked under the observant green eyes. “I'm Dean.” He held out his hand.

“I know,” Castiel said quietly. He turned his face toward the front of the classroom and acted like the green eyed boy wasn't causing him to sweat in both attraction and fear.

He felt Dean lean closer. “Casteel?”

It was his name. Mispronounced, but still it was his name. He caught Dean staring at his work page for their class. “It's Castiel,” he found himself correcting the pronunciation.

The teacher began her class and captured Castiel's attention. He already knew the material they were covering. He'd read it the week previous. His mind wandered to why Dean wanted to know his name. Why had Dean noticed him twice now? Not only that, why did Cas want the boy to see him more?

Dean had been glancing over at him during the entirety of the class. Castiel was nervous. He knew Dean had a reputation. He could be sweet and charming to all the girls and the teachers, but he had also been known to be a bully. Castiel didn't want to know why he was suddenly taking an interest in the blue eyed lonely boy.

The bell rang to signal the end of class. Most everyone jumped to their feet to escape the boredom of their first period class. _First period._ _Today will be a long day_ , Cas thought.

 “You should see the school nurse,” Dean's voice broke him from his thoughts again. “You look like you're in a lot of pain.”

Castiel was shocked. Could Dean see his pain? Did he somehow know what his father did to him? He grabbed his bag and shoved everything in it silently and quickly, attempting to escape the jock.

Dean reached out and touched his arm gently. “Seriously, man, I've never seen you look this hurt. Go see the nurse?” he requested.

“You've never noticed me before,” Cas blurted uncontrollably. “Why now?”

He could've sworn the faintest of blushes coated Dean's freckled cheeks. “You've been going here a couple years now, Castiel. Yeah, I've seen you around. You're the smartest kid in our year.”

Castiel turned bright red. “Uh, class...gotta...go to…” Cas took off running. It hurt him to do so. He ran until he found a bathroom and locked himself in a stall. He grasped the usually disgusting but for now clean toilet seat and heaved. His stomach was empty since he hadn't eaten breakfast. He hadn't been able to stomach anything after his father punished him.

The exterior door swung open slowly. He did his best to remain quiet, but his stomach had other ideas causing him to dry heave again. Footsteps tapped across the cracked tile. “Castiel? Hey, man, are you okay?” It was Dean.

Castiel didn't want to be seen like this. “I'm fine,” he said as his stomach lurched again.

He heard the metal lock of the door twist to switch open. He didn't have the energy to fight it. The door opened to reveal Dean with a pocket knife in hand. He'd jimmied the door open with it and put it away. Castiel held onto the toilet tightly.

Dean sighed. He grabbed some paper towels and ran them under the water. He sat on the bare tile beside Castiel and touched the cool paper to his forehead. He dabbed it on his cheeks and neck.

Castiel stared at him. “You're going to the nurse. I'll take you,” Dean said firmly, giving Castiel no choice.

Castiel shook his head. “No,” his voice was rougher than usual due to the strain from being sick.

“You're sick. You need the nurse,” Dean insisted.

Castiel grabbed the toilet and heaved again. Nothing came up of course, but his stomach tried. Dean patted him on the back lightly, and Castiel jerked away hard enough he crashed into the wall.

“Hey,” Dean exclaimed. “You're gonna hurt yourself.” He reached for the dark haired boy.

Castiel stared at him, wide eyed, and backed away as far as he could. Dean stopped and put his hands in his lap. He gave Castiel an appraising look. “Castiel, why are you scared of me?” he asked slowly.

“I'm not.” Dean clearly didn't believe him. He waited for an honest answer. “You've only ever seen me twice now. Why do you care?”

Dean shrugged. “Probably the same kind of reasons you don't tell your friends about this.” Dean pointed to his lower back. “You don't have to tell me either. Please tell the nurse. If someone is hurting you, please tell the nurse.”

“I can't,” he growled.

Dean nodded. “It's not happening at school,” he surmised. Castiel gasped and shook. “I get it. There's just some things you can't talk about.”

“Dean, why are you even talking to me? I'm just a nobody,” he said quietly.

“No, you're not. You're the smartest person in the whole school,” the green eyed boy replied.

“This has nothing to do with your friends?” He asked cautiously.

Dean frowned. “What do you mean?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You don't even know what they do when you're not around. Of course,” he said sardonically. He pulled himself into a standing position using the toilet as leverage.

Dean stood too. “Tell me what you mean,” he said softly. “Please.”

Castiel swayed on his feet. “They're your friends. You know what kind of people you hang out with.” His tone was bitter.

Dean caught him as he swayed. “Okay, yeah, school nurse now.” He half carried Castiel from the bathroom. They'd missed most of second period at this point.

Dean supported Castiel’s weight easily. He wondered what the blue eyed boy had meant by he knew who he was friends with. What had his friends done? The nurse gave them curious looks when they arrived to the nurse's office.

“Winchester, get your behind back to class. You use any excuse you can to skip class. Fool boy, you're going to repeat senior year if you keep this up,” the heavy set black woman said.

“Aw, you don't like my visits, Missouri?” he teased. “Castiel here is seriously dehydrated.”

She eyed the lanky teen. “Come on, child. Sit here. Dean, a word before you get back to class.”

Dean stepped into the other part of her office to wait for her. He knew better than to try to wriggle out of a talk with Missouri. The older woman closed the door to her office.

“Is he doing this to himself?” she asked softly.

Dean shook his head. “No, I think he's hurt. He looked like he was in pain. I spoke to him at the end of our first class. He ran off to the bathroom. I went to make sure he was okay.”

She smiled fondly. “Your daddy been giving you a hard time again?” Dean let his gaze fall to the ground. “I'll leave my back door open tonight in case you need it.” She said softly. “Please go back to class. This is your ticket away from that evil man.” She opened her office door.

Dean hugged her tightly for a moment then left for class. He could feel Castiel's eyes on him as he left.

“Now, want to tell me why you're sick?” The nurse handed Castiel a bottle of Gatorade. “Small, slow sips, sweetie.”

Castiel sipped the drink slowly. “It's just an upset stomach. That's all.”

She pursed her lips. “Try that again without lying.”

“It's nothing,” he said timidly. “Please leave it alone,” he requested.

“If I leave it alone, how am I supposed to treat you? You're not going back to class until you're better. If it's something going on here at school, I have to report it. If it's not, there are workarounds,” she said kindly. “So, Castiel, you going to tell me the truth this time?”

Castiel continued to sip on his drink. It happened to be his favorite flavor of Gatorade. He considered telling her it was something at school, but who could he blame without backlash? He could blame Dean, but from the looks of it, the nurse knew Dean well. “No,” he replied.

“No what, dear?” she pressed.

“I can't tell you,” he said.

She sighed. “Lift your shirt,” she instructed. Castiel hesitated before her piercing gaze convinced him to do as he was told. The shirt slid only an inch up before revealing dark bruising. “Mother or father?”

He clenched his jaw, refusing to answer. She nodded. “I won't call your parents to let them know you were brought here. I feel it will do more damage than good. Sweetheart,” she spoke kindly. She waited until his gaze met hers. “You deserve better than what you're getting. I want you to understand that. I want you to know that even though it may not seem like it to those you care about you do matter.”

He snorted in derision. “Okay,” he said sarcastically.

“Young man, you listen here. My son thought the same as you do. He didn't agree with my life. So now, I have no relationship with my granddaughter or my son. He thought because I worked sixteen hour days to provide for him that I didn't care. You have people that care for you, Castiel. They just may not be at home,” she said lovingly.

Castiel let his gaze fall. “Sorry, Nurse Moseley. That's just not true. I'm invisible here. Home is just a house.”

She sat in her chair across from him while he nursed the Gatorade. She eyed him. “So your father hits you, and your mother doesn't do anything about it. Any siblings?”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Hannah. She's their perfect kid.”

“So only you get hurt. Why does he do it?” She asks. “It's not like you're a bad or rebellious kid.”

He narrowed his eyes. “How do you know what I'm like?”

She laughed. “I know that you're smart. Smart kids don't usually get into trouble. Trouble usually finds them as it has you.”

He wanted the conversation off of him. “You and Dean seem friendly.”

“I've known Dean for years. He lives across the street from me. He mows my lawn and helps with my garden.” She smiled fondly. “He's very different at school.”

“Maybe. I wouldn't know. He's only ever seen me and spoken to me twice,” he said. He was only half though with the Gatorade. He frowned at the bottle.

She hummed. “He wouldn't have brought you to me if he didn't care. He may be different here than he is as my neighbor, but he can't help how sweet he is naturally, not when it really matters.”

Castiel found himself rolling his eyes, but he figured he'd think about it another time. He really wanted to get back to class and back to being invisible. “When can I go back to class? I can't miss my assignments.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dean went home thinking about Castiel. He knew it was dangerous to even associate with him at all due to the guy's reputation. Dean had heard the same rumors everyone else knew. Despite this knowledge, he knocked on Missouri's door anyway.

“How many times do I need to tell you that you don't need to knock?” She said answering the door. He knew she'd been waiting for him to knock as always.

“Why were you waiting for me?” Dean asked. He gave her a soft smile and hugged her. “How was Castiel after I left?”

“That boy is hurting in more ways than one. You were right about the physical pain.” She opened the door and ushered him in. “Why did you help him? You never look out for others at school.”

Dean looked bashful. “He needed it,” he almost whispered. “Missouri, have you heard from mom and Sammy?” he asked quietly, trying to keep the shakiness from his voice.

“Last night,” she replied quietly. “You can't keep doing this to yourself, honey. She's not allowed to have contact with you. Dean, the best way is to report to the police what John does to you. You know this.”

Dean blinked back tears. “No. No, I can't. They won't let me see her or Sam. Then I'll lose them for good. They'll take me away from you too.” Tears broke from his control.

Missouri tinkered around in the kitchen for a few minutes before coming back with some tea. “Drink. Baby, you know I'd take you in if you tell the police.”

“I can't do that to you, Missouri. Dad knows where you live and who you are. He'll never stay in jail. It's safer for you for me to keep quiet,” he said vehemently.

She sighed. “Then make friends with Castiel. He needs you. He just doesn't know it yet.”

Dean shook his head. “I can't be seen with him. He's...a nerd.”

She raised one eyebrow. “Dean, I know I taught you better than that. John may not have taught you anything and taken your mom from you, but I'm the next best thing you have.”

He looked up at her wearily. “I'll try, but if the rumors about him are true, I can't be seen with him.” She acquiesced. He looked disappointed. “He is pretty cute though.”

“Be careful, sweetie. I don't want to think of what John will do if he finds out it wasn't a phase.” She touched his face gently. “Now, how about some dinner. Are you staying the night?”

***********

Castiel limped into school a few weeks later. “Dude, did you get hit by a bus?” Kevin asked.

“Feels like it,” Cas responded with a half-hearted smirk. He felt eyes on him and glanced around. He shrugged it off.

Charlie came up and leaned against him. He winced and she backed off. She knew that he'd never talk about why he came in looking like he had been mugged every now and then. She figured it was just the same bullies she and Kevin had to deal with. Occasionally, that was true.

“Guess who got the number of one Dorothy Baum?” she said excitedly.

Kevin frowned. “Only because you got paired with her for a project.” He groaned. “I got Crowley. Expect to see me covered in bruises and maybe something worse,” he bemoaned.

“Which class is this?” Cas asked.

“Oh, right, you went to see the nurse again. Mr. Shurley gave out the assignment yesterday along with pairs. You're stuck with Winchester,” Charlie stated. “Looks like we'll all be working alone on these projects.” Her tone suggested her partner was less than motivated as well.

Castiel couldn't help his eye roll. He knew he'd strain an eye muscle of some kind one day, but high school was genuinely overrated. Again, he found himself repeating his recent mantra. _College will be better. Just make it through this shit first._

He grabbed his essentials. He hoped he wouldn't even need to see Dean and just do the work on the assignment himself. That hope was dashed that afternoon when Dean found his locker. Cas tried to escape unnoticed, but his limp slowed him down tremendously.

“Hey, Cas, I've been looking all over for you. Hey, are you okay, man?” Dean asked as he caught up to Cas. His eyes went soft when Cas made eye contact with him. “Come on, let's go somewhere quiet.”

“I can't, Dean. I have to get to my last class and then I have to make sure my little sister gets home on time,” he said firmly.

“What's your class?” Dean asked.

Cas paused. “It's Honors chemistry.”

“Skip it. I'll talk to Walker for you,” the green-eyed boy offered. “I'm one of the few people Walker actually likes.” He wasn't bragging. It was a well-known fact that Mr. Walker had a soft spot, if it could be called that, for Dean and Crowley and that was basically it.

Cas hesitated before nodding his consent. He followed Dean, limping the whole way. It was silent between them as Dean lead him to an old theater room that was so rarely used there was a visible layer of dust blanketing everything except a corner of the room that was covered in blankets. Dean sat cross-legged on the blanketed corner.

Cas remained standing. Dean motioned for him to sit with him. Cas did but put as much distance between them as he could but still be sitting on the blankets. He looked up at Dean, feeling his eyes on him.

“It's okay if you don't want to tell me what happened to you. I just…you're not alone, you know?” Dean said.

Cas let his gaze fall to the floor. “Yeah, I am. You don't have to pretend to be nice to me. You have a reputation to protect.”

“So?” he shrugged. “Doesn't mean I don't understand.” He leaned against the wall. Dean wanted to ask. Now or never. “Is what they say about you true?”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “People talk about me?” He shook his head. “No, people don't talk about invisible people.”

Dean reached out to him. “You're not invisible, Cas. People say that...that, uh, you might be, uh, gay?” He didn't make eye contact when he said the word.

Cas froze. He'd never told anyone, not even Charlie who was openly attracted to women. “Uh, how...w-why are people saying this?” he stammered nervously. He couldn't let these rumors make it back to his father.

Dean watched him. “You hang out with that lesbian chick and that gay Asian kid. People just figured you were gay too. No big deal if you are or not.”

Castiel chuckled. “Kevin's not gay. He actually wishes he was in your place, dating Lisa.”

Dean snorted. “Lisa and I aren't dating.” He looked back to Cas.

“Why did you ask me if I'm gay?” he asked. His eyebrows were knitted together.

Dean swallowed hard. “Hard questions, huh?” He breathed hard. “I've been...curious before,” he said cryptically.

Castiel raised a single eyebrow. “Curious? Dean Winchester, athlete extraordinaire, has been curious about LGBTQ people?” He didn't believe this. “Are you mocking my friend?” He asked defensively.

Dean was visibly surprised. “No, Castiel, no, I would never. You really care for your friend,” he said softly. “Wish I had friends like that.”

Cas crossed his arms over his chest. “And if I'm gay? You wouldn't even be talking to me in secret like this.”

Dean scratched his head. “It's not that. It's...it's my dad,” he said defeated.

Castiel's gaze softened. “My father too,” he said quietly. “No one knows about me,” he looked at Dean in fear.

Dean sat up a little more. “Castiel, are you trusting me?” Dean seemed shocked. Cas nodded shyly. “So you like guys?”

Cas blushed. “Yeah, I do, but I think women are pretty too. I just don't want to date them,” he found himself saying. “Not that they see me anyway.”

Dean smiled. “They will see you. We got paired up for a project. That will get you noticed. Maybe some guys will hit on you.” He hated the idea as the words left his mouth.

Cas blushed. “Why would anyone hit on me?”

“Because you're beautiful,” Dean breathed. He was suddenly quite shy. “Castiel…”

“Cas,” he corrected. “Friends call me Cas.”

Dean blushed. “Cas,” felt good on his tongue. “When you're ready, will you tell me what your dad does to you? I hate seeing you hurt.”

Cas stared at the floor. No number of cracks in the cement floor just beside the blanket would distract him. He closed his eyes and gathered strength. “No.”

Dean shifted in his spot. “Oh,” he sounded disappointed.

Cas looked up at him. Dean was staring determinedly at the floor. “It's not something I can talk about. If my father knew what I told you, I'm not sure what would happen,” he said. He fell quiet for several moments. “What about our project? How do we get that done?”

Dean scratched his head. “Can you come over after practice is over?” He asked. “Or we can go to your house? It doesn't matter to me.”

Cas nodded. “Your place. I'll come over to your house. But I have to get home immediately after school,” he said. His thoughts traveled to his sister and then his father.

Dean's voice broke him from his trance. “Hey, Cas, where did you go on me?” He heard the easy-going voice ask. Cas felt a gentle hand on his arm. Dean smiled softly at him. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Cas cocked his head to one side and furrowed his brow. “I don't understand that,” he said. His face relaxed. He realized that it meant Dean wanted to know what he was thinking. “Sorry.”

Dean removed his hand. “Any ideas on this project?” Cas was grateful for the subject change.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean drove home after football practice. He grabbed beer bottles and empty liquor bottles from the floor and quickly cleaned. He knew Cas would be there any minute, but he didn't want the house to look completely trashed like John usually left it. A knock on the door startled him as he dropped the bottles in the garbage can. 

He opened the door cautiously and saw a nervous looking Castiel standing on his doorstep. He smiled. “Come in,” he greeted the boy. “Want anything to drink or eat?”

Castiel declined him and looked around the room. Dean scratched the back of his head. “So would you like to do this in my room?” He blushed. “N-not like something weird or anything,” he stammered and did his best to conceal a blush. 

Castiel didn't notice Dean's awkwardness. He was too nervous. He kept glancing around at the space around him. The walls were a little dingy and the laminate floor looked in need of replacing in the kitchen to his left. The furniture in the living room on his right was all mismatched. It looked lived in, but it didn't have the feel of a home. 

The blue eyed gaze returned to Dean's anxious green eyes. “That sounds fine,” he replied. He followed Dean to his bedroom. “Will your parents be home anytime soon?” He asked, noticing the lack of parentals.

Dean snorted. “I live with my dad, and he probably won't be home till late.” Dean didn't want to tell his new friend that his father was an alcoholic with the tendency to be violent. He stopped at his bedroom door and faced Cas. “If he does come home, I'll have to get you out without being seen or heard. Just trust me on this, okay?” Dean gave him a slightly worried look. 

Cas nodded. “Okay,” he replied. 

They set up camp with Dean on his bed and Cas on the floor. Dean had offered to let Castiel sit on the bed, but Cas had insisted. “This research project will require us to spend copious amounts of time together. We should choose parts of the project that we'd prefer to handle so that neither of us is stuck with the brunt of the work.”

Dean grinned. “Not gonna do my homework for me, Cas?” he teased. 

The other boy frowned at him. “I'd never deprive someone of their education by completing their homework for them. It's disrespectful and disgraceful.” 

Dean laughed. “It was a joke, man, because you're a nerd and got paired with a dumb jock.”

Castiel thought about it. “You're not dumb. The joke was quite clever. I doubt I would have thought of it that way.”

Dean was stunned by the comment. “So where do you want to start?”

Three hours later, Cas stretched. Dean looked over at him curiously. His eyes caught the time on his phone. “Do you need to get home for dinner?”

“No. It's fine,” he replied. 

Dean watched him. “Are you sure? Your parents won't mind?” he asked carefully. 

Cas hesitated. “My parents may not even notice I'm not there. Hannah can look after herself for the most part. I made sure my parents would be home this evening so she won't be alone.”

Dean was about to respond when he heard the front door open and then slam shut. “Shit,” he breathed. “Cas, pack up quickly. Please.” He wore a concerned look. 

Castiel closed his notebook and packed his book and things in his bag. He looked back over to Dean who looked panicked and like he'd rather be anywhere besides home. “Okay, I'm ready,” he said keeping his voice down. 

Dean slowly lifted his window and whispered. “I'm sorry about this. You gotta go through the window. Dad can't see you.” Cas was standing a little closer to him than normal. Dean's eyes glanced down to the other boy's plump lips. He dragged his gaze back to the worried blue eyes. “Maybe someday I'll tell you my secrets.”

Cas smiled softly. “You don't have to, Dean,” he replied in a whisper. 

Dean gave him a sheepish, small smile. “You should go before he hears us.”

Dean's bedroom door swung open at that moment. Dean jumped between his father and his friend. “Go, Cas,” he commanded. 

Castiel scrambled out the window. Dean's father began shouting. “You in here with another little faggot, Dean? You turning into a fairy?”

“Dad, he's a friend from school. He and I are working on a project for a class,” Dean retorted. “Just leave him alone.” Dean kept his back to the open window. 

Cas crouched underneath the ledge of the window, keeping out of sight. He listened in on the shouted conversation. “Friend from school? Like I haven't heard that before? You stupid sonofabitch, you think you can fool me? You're just a worthless little cocksucker. Why I got landed with you instead of your brother I have no idea!” 

A loud sound of skin on skin could be heard. Dean slumped against the open window. John Winchester kept yelling obscenities and slurs. Dean landed against the wall face first and saw Castiel outside. He mouthed “get out of here.” Dean's terrified eyes were the only reason Cas even considered leaving. 

Cas tore off around the house and got in his car which was parked in front of the house. He'd forgotten the car would have tipped off Mr. Winchester that someone was over. Instantly, he felt guilty, but he drove home as Dean wished. 

Meanwhile, Dean was pinned against the wall face first. He could smell the alcohol on his father's breath. He whimpered under the pain of having John's full body weight against him. “You like dick so much, boy? I'm gonna give you a reason to hate it.” 

The malicious words made Dean gasp. He felt his pants being ripped down his legs. His belt had been no use. Dean’s eyes watered. “No, please, Dad. I promise it was just homework,” he whimpered. 

“Sucking that fag's cock in the locker room, was that also just homework?” His father hissed. Dean could feel that his father wasn't fully dressed anymore. 

“Dad, you already punished me for that. I haven't done anything since,” he said weakly. “Please, dad, please don't.” Tears streamed down his face now. He was unable to hide his fear and discomfort.

John leaned close to his ear. “Only little puppies beg.” He reached around and felt Dean's cock. “And only fags get hard because a cock is against their ass.”

“Stop,” he begged quietly. He knew it was a lost cause. Dean tried to focus on anything else besides what was happening. His father wasn't sober enough to stop. 

Dean knew John was a homophobe. He knew that he was abusive. But he also knew that when he was drunk which was a near constant, John didn't care that Dean was his son. Dean closed his eyes and tried to distance himself. He thought of blue eyes and a nice, slightly chapped smile. He thought of dark hair that looked like it was messy from the owner being fucked. He thought of the strong jawline that had a slight hint of stubble. Castiel sitting in the old unused theater room was where his mind traveled. 

He wished he had told Castiel that he did like guys. Maybe this punishment would be worth it if he had. Dean was left cold and slumping against the wall with his pants around his ankles and his backside sticky and disgusting and in pain. 

He made his way to his ensuite bathroom and began cleaning himself up. When he was done, he grabbed his school bag and slipped out the same window that Cas had used. It was still open. Dean limped across the street, and for once, he didn't bother knocking on the familiar door. 

Missouri was still waiting on him. “Come here, baby,” she said softly and held him. Dean sobbed and let every feeling he had surface. When his breathing evened out several minutes later, she spoke softly. “Honey, I'm taking you away from him. You're going to move in, and I will take care of you. This is not up for argument, Dean Winchester.” 

Dean nodded, keeping his head against her. Her presence was soothing. She was the closest thing he had to a mother. His own mother had signed away her legal right to him so she could keep Sammy. In this moment, he hated her. He was jealous of Sammy. He didn't have to grow up with a hateful and abusive father. In his mind, not being wanted was just as bad as the abuse.

“Missouri?” He said softly. She acknowledged him softly. “I don't want to know if you hear from Mary and Sammy anymore.” He took a shaky breath. 

“Okay, sweetheart,” she replied. He continued to cling to her. “What is it you really want to say, baby?”

Dean sighed. “You always know. W-would you h-hate me if-if I liked boys?” he stammered. 

Missouri pried him away. She gave him a stern look. “Dean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I don't care what that evil man has put into your sweet mind. But if you like Castiel, then I'm happy for you, sweetheart. He's a good boy.”

Dean hugged her again. “Dad saw him in my room. We were only doing homework.” His voice was wet sounding. 

“If you boys need a safe place to study, bring him here,” she said. “Now, I need you to tell me exactly what happened tonight. Dean, we need to tell the police. We need to do it while John is passed out drunk at the house. I'll excuse you from school tomorrow.”

Dean nodded solemnly. “Let's go.”


	5. Chapter 5

Dean wasn't at school the next day. He missed the following two days after that as well. On Friday, he returned to school, but he had a doctor's note to be excused from his football practice and weight training. He was also benched for the game that night but still required to be there. 

Dean avoided speaking as much as possible which meant everyone wanted to know where he'd been for three days and why he was medically excused from physical activities for two weeks. Rumors flew around the school at lightspeed. All of the rumors were wrong, but Dean didn't deny them. They sounded infinitely better than the truth. 

His father had been arrested, and the police and social services awarded Missouri with custody of Dean. The fact that he wouldn't let go of her had helped her case. She helped him pack his things and move across the street. He already had a bedroom set up there from when he would crash there on occasion. 

The only person Dean was anxious to see was Castiel, but even he seemed to be absent. Dean felt his heart drop when the blue-eyed boy wasn't in their shared classes. He decided to inquire about the absence at lunch. 

“Dorothy, aren't you paired with that nerdy redhead for your research project?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah, I hate to say it, but she's actually kind of cool. Kid knows her stuff,” the brunette replied. “You're stuck with her dorky friend, right?”

“I'm paired with Castiel, yes. I was under the impression Kevin is the dorky one,” he stated. 

“Oh my God is he ever,” interjected Lisa dramatically. “That kid is so nerdy and weird it's not even funny. I'm just lucky that he said he'd do all the work if I went on one date with him. So who wants to go on a group date so I don't have to be alone with that loser?”

Dorothy rolled her eyes. “Pity date so you don't have to do homework? That's low even for you, Lisa.”

“That project could help me pass this stupid class, and that nerd is the perfect way to get a good grade!” she defended her reason. 

Dean snorted and continued eating his lunch. Dorothy wasn't done with Lisa. “Maybe it would be smart to be nice to him when you go out with him. He can, after all, decide what grade you get on this project.” 

Lisa opened her mouth then closed it again. This thought clearly hadn’t occurred to her. “Okay, so how do I do that?”

“Tell me his actual name and that will be a start,” Dorothy stated calmly. Lisa looked ready to pull her hair out. “You don't even know your partner’s name?”

“You don't know yours. She's so weird. I heard she's a lesbian,” Lisa attempted to deflect. 

Dean gripped the table when he heard the disgusted tone Lisa used. He had to remind himself to breathe. Dorothy replied to Lisa. “So what if she is? Doesn't make her any less smart. Her name is Charlie, by the way, Lis. Dean is working with Castiel. And your research partner is?” she taunted. 

“Uh, Tran I think,” she said slowly. 

“His first name?” Dorothy wore a slightly predatory smile. 

Lisa glanced around the cafeteria. She noticed only Charlie and Kevin who were part of what she dubbed the Nerd Herd were at school. “Where's your nerd?” she asked Dean. 

Dean shrugged. “Hey, I thought you were paired with Ash. What happened to get you with Tran?” He purposely used the kid's last name. 

Lisa glanced down their table and leaned in. “That's why Crowley got suspended. He beat up the nerd. I don't know what that dick's problem is, but I know Tran is too quiet to have done anything to him.”

Dean remembered some of Cas’ words. “Does anyone else do that?” he asked her. He felt protective of Castiel and his friend group by extension. 

Dorothy leaned in. “I've seen Al and Gordon go after them too. Dean, they're your friends. Is there anything you can say to get them to stop?”

Lisa raised her eyebrow at Dorothy. “Not going soft are you, Dor?”

Dean shot the brunette a glare. “She's right, Lisa. They don't deserve to be hurt just because they're different.”

Lisa rolled her eyes and slid down to sit closer to Gordon. Dean sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “Can you ask Charlie where Castiel is?” he asked Dorothy.

Dorothy smirked. “You have a reputation to protect, Dean. Mooning over him won't help you or him.”

“I'm not. You wouldn't understand,” he said and tried to stand. She put a gentle hand on him stopping him. 

She fixed him with a soft gaze. “I'm asking Charlie to homecoming. I think I do understand at least some of it, Dean. You're not alone.”

Dean gripped his tray. “Don't say anything to anyone about this. I can't yet. Things are only getting started for me outside of here.”

“Come over to my place before the game. We'll talk more, and you will tell me. If you don't, I'll get Jo involved.” Dorothy wasn't playing around. “See you after school, Dean. I'll ask about your friend.”

Dean waited for the last bell of the day. It seemed to be the slowest to arrive. He closed his eyes and thought through what he would tell Dorothy. He knew some of it needed to be the truth. He paced in front of her house after arriving, unaware she watched him for ten minutes before opening the door. 

“Get inside,” she commanded. Dorothy was a strong young woman. That had always been clear, but she understood more than she ever let on. Once Dean was seated on the couch, she faced him. “Spill it.”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “What do you mean?”

“You said things outside of school are only just getting started. You've never once even remotely mentioned your personal life other than and I quote ‘My dad's the king of the assholes. No one is a bigger dick than him.’ Of course, everyone else thinks their dad is, except me.” Her dad had left when she was a child so she didn't even know him. “But that was the first time you ever said anything personal, and today was the second. So you are going to tell me what the hell has cracked you so badly you let your carefully guarded self slip up.” She noticed his walls going back up. “Nuh-uh. I'm the only one who even noticed this. You don't even say this much when you're drunk. So what skeletons are so bad you never talk about anything personal?”

Dean hung his head. “How do you even know all this?”

“I'm quiet. I observe. Our friends don't exactly like me much. I'm just enough of a bitch to hang with them. Once they find out I'm a lesbian, they'll ostracize me,” she shrugged. “Then I can have lunch with Charlie.” 

Dean knew Dorothy was happy. He had known her for years. “When did you realize you like girls?” he asked. 

“You're not getting out of this, but I guess that's a fair question. When every girl was starting to notice guys, I only noticed the girls. They say you're hot, but I don't know. Charlie is hot. Lisa's hot, but she's a homophobic bitch. Oh, yeah, when she finds out she'll bitch to you about me I'm sure. Don't let her bother you.”

Dean smiled easily. “Yeah, I kinda got the feeling about that today. She's gotten a lot worse this year.”

“No, she never used to be nice. She was only nice to  _ you _ because she thinks you're hot and that you'd be an easy lay,” she said crudely. Dorothy subtly glanced at the clock. Dean was killing time and trying to evade telling her. “Charlie wasn't sure why Castiel wasn't at school. She said that sometimes he comes in with bruises and stuff, but he always tells her it's a bully or something. Sounds like bullshit to me,” she said succinctly. 

Dean cringed. She knew Cas was lying and didn't even know him. “Yeah, he told me he's gotta lie. He didn't say why, but it's none of my business.”

“So why do you lie?” she asked boldly. Dorothy held his gaze. 

Dean’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “To survive,” he said quietly. “Dor, people at school, they're all pretentious assholes. They don't know anything about the real world and what shit is like. A hard day for them or a bad day for them is a bad homework assignment. Honestly, I think Charlie, Castiel, and Kevin understand what a real bad day looks like better than the rest of our school.”

“What's with the tangent? Does it have a point?” she asked. 

“School is the good part of my day,” he said slowly. “My dad got arrested for the shit he did.”

Dorothy knew something had been going on with Dean for a long time. “Promise me one thing. You won't hate yourself for whatever it is that asshole did to you,” she said fiercely. Dean didn't respond. “You already do,” she said softly.

Dean looked away. “Cas kind of knows. We were working on our project when Dad came home smelling like he drank a liquor store.” Dean blinked hard. A single tear slipped down his cheek. “I made Cas go out the window so Dad couldn't do anything to him.” He looked back to Dorothy with wet eyes. “I couldn't let him get hurt because I fucked up.”

“You didn't fuck up, Dean. Where else would you have studied? You don't know if Castiel is allowed to have guests over or not. His home life doesn't sound like a picnic either.” She pursed her lips in thought. “You and Castiel can do your project here with me and Charlie.” 

Dean nodded. He was quiet for a long time. Dorothy was also lost in thought. “You like him, don't you?” she asked after a while. Dean nodded. “So ask him out.”

Dean looked away. He didn't want to tell her he couldn't because his dad could still hurt him, hurt Cas. “He doesn't like me.” Dean chose a safe answer. He wasn't sure if Cas did or not, but after what Dean's father had done, there was no way Cas liked him. 

Dorothy didn't point out that he was scared of rejection. No, she decided to concoct a plan to get Dean to ask out Castiel. “You okay to party tonight after the game? Sounds like you could use a drink or six.” 


	6. Chapter 6

Dorothy approached some of their friend group. “Party at my place after the game. Benny, can I ask you something?” She pulled Benny away. 

“Darling, you are barking up the wrong tree,” he said as they stepped away. 

“Sweetie, you are the wrong kind of tree for me. So I think at the party we need to get Dean to do something that would definitely embarrass him. Like a dare or a bet,” she said with a light smile. 

Benny stopped and eyed her knowingly. “You already have a plan. Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I need you to make it seem like this was all your idea, get some backup,” she winked at a passing couple. 

Benny scratched his head. “Okay, but what's in this for me when the backlash happens? You know Dean as well as I do. Shit will hit the fan.”

“Andrea. I'll get her to go out with you.” Dorothy smirked. She knew she had Benny. 

“So what's the plan?” he asked. 

***********

Dean searched the crowd while his teammates warmed up. He didn't realize who he was looking for until his eyes landed on Charlie. Dean sighed.  _ Nut up, Winchester. You can't date him. You can't put him in danger.  _ Dean tore his eyes away from the stands. 

The game started, and Dean was glad he wasn't playing. His mind was elsewhere, too distracted. Over the last few days, he'd woken up in the middle of the night either crying or screaming. Missouri had sat up with him, holding him and telling him it will get better. Dean didn't believe her, not yet. He couldn't. The nightmare wasn't over yet. The prosecutor hadn't called yet. 

During halftime, Dean told his coach he needed a minute. The coach let him go, but he had to be back when the second half started. The team was struggling to win the game without him. For once, he didn't care. Football wasn't important. 

“You look lost in thought,” a voice said, almost spooking him. 

Dean was surprised to see Charlie. “What's it to you?”

The redhead shrugged. “Just want to know what you did to my best friend. See, he hasn't been in school since he went to do homework with you. Then you mysteriously missed school too.”

Dean stood up straighter. He was shocked. “But Cas never misses school.” He realized she was accusing him of something nefarious. “I didn't do anything to him. I don't why he's been out. Maybe he got sick?”

Charlie shook her head. “Dean, he doesn't get sick and miss four days of school. He's only missed school a few times before.”

Dean's stomach and heart dropped. “Why has he missed before?” he asked quietly. “Charlie, what's going on with Cas?”

Charlie eyed him suspiciously. When she deemed him genuine, she replied. “You actually care about him.”

Dean shrugged. “He's a good guy and a friend.” Dean couldn't say more. He barely knew Castiel. “I know he sometimes comes to school hurt. Is he being bullied?” He pretended not to know the truth in case Charlie didn't know. 

Charlie glanced around. “I shouldn't even be talking to you,” she started to back away. 

He looked over his shoulder to see Gordon and a few other guys staring at her like she was lunch. “Charlie, wait, please,” he moved toward her again. “Come find me the next time they hurt you. Let me know if they mess with you, Kevin, or Cas.” He gave her a soft smile. “I'm sorry if I've ever been an asshole to you.” 

Charlie stared at him like he was from the moon. “Dude, this is the first time you've ever spoken to me. I don't get your sudden obsession with Cas. If it weren't for that stupid assignment I'd tell you to stay the fuck away from him,” she said defensively and ran away. 

Dean returned to the game and shrugged off his friends when they asked why he was talking to the weird lesbian girl, except they used homophobic slurs. Dean clenched his jaw. These assholes didn't understand how hard they were making life for people like Charlie. 

Dean found Dorothy after their school barely won the game. “Hey, keep an eye out on Charlie. I think some of the guys might mess with her again. I was talking to her and saw the way she looked when she saw Walker and Kubrick. They're dicks, Dor.” 

She snorted. “As if I don't know that? I hate those pigs. Tell you what, we'll just get super trashed tonight. You can crash at my place if you think you can't go home.”

Dean tried to hide a smile. “Yeah, Missouri might kick my ass if I don't come home. It's really nice that she cares.” 

“Aw, your emotions are showing, Winchester,” she teased. “C'mon. Let's go party at my place.” 

Dean drove over to Dorothy's house and made sure he wasn't blocked in. He didn't want to get stuck there for too long. He loved Missouri and didn't want to make her worry for him. Two drinks in and he realized his friends were trying to get him drunk. 

“Hey, brother,” Benny said, leaning on him heavily. 

Dean chuckled. “How much have you had?” 

Benny shrugged. “Couple of shots and a drink or two. Trying to work up some courage. Dorothy invited Andrea, man.”

Dean smiled. He knew his friend had a huge crush on Andrea. “Go for it, man.”

Benny leaned forward like he was going to step away but he stopped. “What if she says no?” he sounded unsure. 

“Benny, she'd be crazy to say no to you. Now, go ask the girl to homecoming,” he shoved his friend. 

“If she says no, I'm blaming you. This is crazy! So then you gotta do something crazy for me! If she says no, you gotta streak across the field during the next football game,” Benny said. 

Dean shook his head. “Hell no.” Dean watched Andrea. She kept staring over at the two of them. “I bet she says yes.”

“You betting, huh? And if she says yes, if she says yeah to going out with my ugly mug,” he slurred. “You gotta go on a date with your research partner.” 

Dean stopped and considered his friend carefully. There was no way Benny knew his secret. Dean wasn't drunk yet, not really. “My partner’s a guy.” 

Benny chuckled. “Not scared to be turned down by some nerdy dude, are you, Dean? The girls all want you, and I'm sure some of the guys do too. Prove you're the most wanted guy in school, that you can have anyone.” He taunted. A couple of their friends had heard the conversation and were now cheering Dean on. 

Dean felt the pressure of the room. He felt like he was being forced to ask Cas out. He really wanted to date him, and now this would be the only socially acceptable way to do it. “Fine. Now go ask her out to see what I gotta do.” 

Benny sauntered over to Andrea who flirted with him heavily with a bright smile. Dean swore under his breath. He grabbed another drink and texted Missouri that he'd be at Dorothy's. He found his friend making out with Charlie then promptly downed two more drinks. 

Someone handed him shots. He tripped after taking the shots. He fell into an armchair unaware of what room he was in. He felt arms and tried to fight, but he couldn't. He started screaming to be let go. “Don't touch me! Don't fucking touch me!” he shouted. 

He was in a dark room. He felt someone sit on the bed. “Dean,” he knew that voice. It was Dorothy. “Dean, are you alright?”

“No,” he whispered. “No, Dor, I'm fucking drunk.”

“Dean, I think it's more than that,” she said. He felt a hand on his forehead. “I sent everyone home. And I'm calling Missouri.” 

“No!” he shouted. He tried to sit up and the room spun. “I can't let her see me like this.”

Dorothy put her hand to his head again. “Dean, I think you've been drugged. I had to shut the party down because someone roofied the punch and was mixing drinks with it.”

Dean wasn't aware of what happened next. Somehow he was in Missouri’s car. Next, he was in bed at home. He woke with severe cottonmouth. There was a glass of water on his nightstand. He guzzled the whole thing and slowly got out of bed. 

“Honey, come on in here. Breakfast is nice and greasy for you,” Missouri’s sweet voice floated throughout the house. 

Dean shuffled his way to the dining room. He practically fell over into a chair. “I'm sorry,” he mumbled. 

Missouri sat beside him at the table. “Dean, don't apologize for being a kid. I'm just really glad you're not hurt. What do you remember about last night?”

Dean slowly started to eat as he thought about her question. “I talked to Benny. He dared me to do something, but I'm fuzzy on the details.” He wasn't. He knew exactly what caused him to drink everything in sight as quickly as he could. “Someone gave me shots. I had a mixed drink. Then it was all kind of a blank.”

“I talked to Dorothy. Sweetheart, you were roofied. Someone drugged one of the drinks, and it looks like you got your hands on it. She noticed this when you fell over and someone tried to help you up. You started screaming at them not to touch you. You scared Dorothy,” she explained. 

Dean stared at the table. “I remember screaming, but I don't remember it being someone trying to help.” His eyes stung. “I felt and saw dad,” he whispered. 

Missouri reached over and held his hand. “We can get you therapy if you want. I won't force you to do anything you don't want except maybe eating decently.” She smiled. “You're not my kid, but I love you like my own.”


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel groaned. His whole body hurt. His father had punished him severely for staying out late and not watching over Hannah. He didn't care that it had been for homework. The next day Castiel could barely get out of bed to use the bathroom. Depression overcame him, and he slept most of the day. 

Friday came and he still hadn't been to school.  He wondered if going to the game would be a good idea, but then he heard the front door slam and loud moans. His father had brought home some woman. He decided to stay in his room. 

Charlie texted him frequently, but he'd pretty much stopped responding. Saturday he finally felt physically better. The doorbell rang and he was glad to be home alone. His parents had taken Hannah to her friend's house because they no longer trusted Castiel to watch her. He didn't care. 

Castiel went to tell whoever at the door to go away, but when he opened the door he was stunned speechless. Dean stood on his porch. Dean looked different almost scared. 

“Hey, Cas, are you okay? I heard you missed school all week,” he said. He sounded unsure. 

Cas nodded. He poked his head out the door. Dean's car was down the street. “Come in.” 

Dean no sooner crossed the threshold when Castiel closed the door. Dean watched his friend closely. “You're hurt,” he said softly.

Cas froze. Slowly he turned to face the other boy. “It's nothing,” he lied. He turned to walk upstairs. Dean followed him. 

Dean noticed the dark-haired boy was limping. He saw the slump of his shoulders. Castiel was hurting more than Dean had ever seen him. When they got to his room, Dean pulled him in for a hug. “I'm so sorry,” he whispered. “Is this my fault?” 

Cas pulled away. “My father's been an asshole longer than you've been around,” he said bitterly. “I'm used to it.” Cas sat on the bed carefully. “What about your dad? It was pretty bad when I left.”

Dean looked away. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough to know he hates you. How he can hate his own kid I don't know. He's too drunk for you to do anything to piss him off,” he remarked sullenly. 

Dean stared at the ground. “Yeah, sure.” He sat in the chair at Castiel's desk. He wasn't sure how much he wanted to tell him. “He got arrested.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow with interest. He didn't see any lingering bruises and clearly Dean had no broken bones. “How bad was it?” 

Dean hesitated. “That depends on what you mean,” he said. His eyes revealed he was in a dark place. 

Cas moved so there was more room on his bed. He patted the empty space beside him. “There are days where I wish I actually did things worth the punishment,” he said. He leaned his head against the wall. “But all I do is homework and look after Hannah. I was at your house for homework, and my father didn't care. I neglected my sister and was out late.” 

Dean sat beside him. “Nothing is worth getting beat for, Cas.”

“Then why did you protect me from your father?” he asked. His eyes were big and questioning. 

Dean looked down. “I knew what he'd do. You didn't deserve that. No...no one does,” he whispered softly. “I cared what happened to you.” 

“Protecting someone you care about is worth it?” he asked shakily. 

Dean nodded. “Always.” They spent several minutes in silence, each lost in his own thoughts. “I, uh, gotta get back to Missouri’s.” 

Castiel cocked his head to one side. “The nurse?”

Dean nodded. “I'm staying there until I graduate.”

“We need to work on our project some more.” Castiel said. “We didn't get much done.”

Dean hopped off the bed. “Want to come over tomorrow and work on it? Or later if you...if you feel like it?” He avoided eye contact. 

Castiel stood and lifted his face with two fingers. “What’s wrong, Dean?” he asked softly. 

Dean's gaze met the blue eyed boy's concerned one. He trembled. “I can't do this,” he breathed. 

Castiel stepped back. “Can't do what?” He was hurt. 

“Resist you,” Dean admitted. He lifted a gentle hand to Cas’ face. “When you feel better, come over?” he asked in barely more than a whisper. 

Castiel nodded. “Take my number.” He realized they had never exchanged phone numbers. 

“If he comes after you again, call me and I'll come get you. Or you can come over,” he said. He wrapped his arms around Castiel. “Don't let him hurt you, please.” 

Castiel buried his head in Dean's neck. “Do you have to go?” He felt Dean nod. “Will you text me?” He was uncertain this popular kid really cared about him, a lonely little nerd. 

Dean pulled back enough to see his face. “Of course, I will, Cas.” He moved a strand of hair from his face with a careful finger. “Are you okay? I asked Charlie why you hadn't been at school on Friday, and she told me you'd been out all week. She thought I had hurt you. I told her to let me know when some of the other guys try to mess with her or Kevin again.” 

Castiel's eyes went wide. “Why?” he breathed. 

Dean gave the smallest of smiles. “Because of what you told me. You said I didn't even know what my friends were doing.” 

Castiel eased up on his tiptoes. He searched Dean's eyes. Slowly, he leaned in and pressed their lips together in a barely there kiss. Dean was beyond happy. “Cas,” he gasped. It had been brief but he’d never forget this. 

Castiel stepped back. “You should go. My father will be home soon.” He lead him to the front door. 

Dean paused by the door. “I really will text you,” he said. 

Castiel nodded. He still didn't believe him. “You'll need to for our assignment.” 

Dean sighed. “I'm going to have to prove it to you, aren't I?” Castiel shrugged. Dean smiled. “Come over when you feel better. We can watch a movie or something.”

Castiel leaned against the door and lifted two fingers to his lips once Dean had left. He sighed almost happily. Then he frowned when he stood back up and his back reminded him why he couldn't be with anyone. He climbed the steps back to his room. 

An hour later, his father came home and saw Cas in bed. “You're not even doing your homework. You haven't done any of the chores. What kind of worthless son are you?” he asked angrily before he closed the door to the bedroom. Hannah was still away from home. 

“Please, no,” Cas begged. He curled up as far away from his father as he could. “Dad, please, don't.”

The belt lashed out and sliced across his face. Castiel cried out. His father pulled him by the ankles until he fell off the bed onto the floor. He hit his head on the way down. “Stop,” he cried. 

“Take your punishment,” he father said hatefully. Cas felt the hard toe of his father's shoes jab into his side repeatedly. Castiel sobbed. His father repeated to him how worthless he was. 

When the beating finally stopped, Cas was in too much pain to move. He saw his phone had fallen with him. He grabbed it and curled back up. 

**Unknown:** it's Dean. See, told you I'd text you. 

**Unknown:** Missouri said to invite you over for dinner in an hour.

**Unknown:** I'm worried, you haven't responded yet. I mean, you're probably busy. If he's hurting you let me know. 

With shaky hands, Castiel replied. 

**Castiel:** sorry, father came home. 

He saved Dean's number in his phone. 

**Dean:** are you okay? Did he hurt you?

**Castiel:** it's nothing he hasn't done before. 

**Dean:** I'll be there in five minutes. 

**Castiel:** don't worry about it.

**Dean:** I'm worried about you. He can go jump off a cliff. 

Castiel smiled at his phone briefly before the sharp sting of the new cut forced him to stop. He heard the familiar rumble of Dean's car pull up the street. Cas carefully got dressed. “Father, I'm going over to a friend's to study.” 

His father couldn't argue. It wasn't a school night and Hannah was at a sleepover. Castiel left the house before he could hear his father say anything else. 

Dean was outside waiting for him in his big black car. Castiel carefully got in the car. Dean saw his face. “Cas, don't you ever try to downplay this again, please,” he said quietly. “You'll be safe at my place. Missouri would kill someone before she let anyone hurt you.” 

Dean parked at the small house. Castiel got out and looked around. He saw Dean's house across the street and started to go to it. “Cas, I don't live there anymore,” Dean said quietly but enough to call Cas back to him. 

Dean lead him into Missouri Moseley’s house. “Hey, Missouri, I'm back.”

The woman gave Dean a light smack on the arm and made him move out of her way. She came right up to Castiel. “Come with me.”

Castiel followed her not daring to disobey her. She took him to a bathroom and started to pull out a kit. “Sit.” Cas sat on the closed toilet. “What did he hit you with?”

Castiel refused to talk. The door was still open and Dean was nearby. He still didn't trust him, not fully. He didn't trust anyone really. 

Missouri pushed the door to but not closed. “Honey, I can't treat it unless I know a thing or two. So what did he hit you with? And take off your shirt.” 

Castiel tried to take off his shirt but cried out. Dean rushed to the bathroom and poked his head in. “Dean, out,” the nurse said firmly. “This bathroom is too small for three.” 

Castiel slumped in on himself, crossing his arms over his stomach. Missouri gently reached down and began to lift his shirt. “I'll pull it up and over your arms. Just hold them out a minute,” she instructed. 

He held his arms out straight and bit his lower lip. His shoulder was in severe pain. Missouri slipped his shirt up and over as quickly as she could. “Oh, dear,” she murmured. 

“Cas,” Dean gasped from the doorway. 

“I thought I told you to stay out,” Missouri began to scold him. 

“It's okay, Mrs. Moseley.” Castiel spoke softly. 

The nurse stopped what she was doing. “Dean, go get two of the ice packs from the freezer, please. Castiel, please call me Missouri,” she requested. She touched his shoulder gently. “Mhm, he dislocated your shoulder, sweetheart. This will hurt pretty badly, but I have to pop it back in place.” She placed her hands in the right places. “Bite your shirt.” 

Dean came back to the door just as Missouri popped Castiel's shoulder back into place and the boy screamed. “Hand me the ice, and don't you swear at me, boy,” she chastised Dean.

He handed over the ice pack. “I didn't say anything,” he defended himself. 

“But you were thinking it.” She wrapped the ice in a towel and placed it on the dark haired boy's shoulder. “Hold it like this.” 

Dean watched his surrogate mother clean the wound on his friend's face. He tried not to let his eyes wander a little south where the skin was dark all over from serious bruising. Some parts were green and yellow from older bruises that were healing. Dean had to step away. 

Moments later after the ice had been removed, Castiel came to find him. He hadn't replaced his shirt yet because Missouri recommended letting his shoulder rest for a bit first. Castiel found his friend in what looked to be like his room. 

Dean looked up. “Is it always this bad?”

“No,” he replied. “It's been worse, but usually it's not this often.” 

Dean motioned for him to sit on the bed. He wasn't sure what to say. “Is there anything I can do to help to make you feel better?”

Castiel swallowed and nervously shook his head. Dean kept his eyes on the injured boy. “Why do you care so much?” Cas asked. 

“Because I know what it's like to be hurt by someone who is supposed to take care of you.” His voice was strained. 

Castiel leaned against him. Dean instinctively put an arm around him, pulling him a little closer. “Is this why?” Cas whispered. 

“Yes,” Dean whispered back. Castiel got comfortable. “How long can you stay?”

“My father can kiss my ass,” he said sourly. He leaned up. “Don't tell my friends. They don't know.”

“About you or what happens to you?” Dean asked. 

Castiel blushed. “Both.” 

Dean’s free hand came across and laced his fingers with Castiel's. “You really trust me, don't you?” He was amazed by the boy's trust. He decided the bet he lost where he had to ask Castiel to homecoming didn't matter. He'd ask him because he wanted to. 

“I trust you more than I thought I would,” he replied. “You know more than Charlie, and she's my best friend.”

“She loves you,” Dean said. He thought about the redhead and how she immediately thought he'd hurt her best friend. “Dorothy is going to ask her to homecoming.” 

“Good, Charlie's had a crush on her for a while now,” Castiel replied. “What do you think about Lisa?” 

“I don't know what's gotten into Lisa. She used to be nicer,” he said in exasperation. “Why?”

Castiel huffed a small breath. “She seems like a bitch. Kevin just wants to date her because he says she's hot. I disagree,” he replied. 

“Oh? Most of the school thinks Lisa is hot. So if Lisa isn't hot, who is?” Dean teased. 

Castiel spoke quietly. “You are.” He hid his face in embarrassment. 

Dean lifted his face gently. “Castiel, you are full of surprises.” Dean leaned down and pressed their lips together sweetly and softly. “You are beautiful, Cas. You are.” Dean said putting a finger on his protesting lips. “Want to go to homecoming with me?” 

Castiel pulled away. “Homecoming? Why would I go to that?”

Dean's heart fell. “Oh. I just thought...nevermind,” he said as changed positions on the bed so he was no longer holding Cas. 

“Bad things happen to me and my friends when we go to events like that for school. So we just do a movie night instead,” he explained. “The last one I went to, I got jumped for defending Charlie. She had just come out.”

Dean felt guilty for assuming Cas didn't want to go with him. “But that won't happen this time. You’ll be with me, and Dorothy is asking Charlie. We'll watch out for you,” he promised. “Unless you don't want to be seen with me? Or you want to stay in the closet a little longer? I would understand either of those.”

Cas sighed heavily. “It's complicated. Why are you suddenly okay with coming out? I thought you were still figuring things out.”

Dean blushed deeply. “I, uh, I realized there's this really hot guy I wanted to ask out,” he said sheepishly. He let his gaze connect with Cas’. 

Castiel felt guilty. “As long as my father doesn't find out I'm gay, I'd like to be out, but he knows too many people. One of the other kids, Bartholomew, beat me up once. His dad called mine to tell him that I beat Bartholomew up.  My lip was split and everything, but father didn't care. He punished me anyway.” Castiel stared at the bed. 

Dean thought a moment. “You, me, Dorothy, Charlie, Lisa, and Kevin. What if we all went as a group?” he asked. “Your dad wouldn't be able to say I was your date.”

Castiel smiled. “That might work. How will you convince Lisa to go with Kevin?”

Dean smirked. “She owes him a pity date so he'll do the assignment and she can pass it.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “He's so gone on her it's stupid.” He thought it through for a few moments. “Yeah, let's all go to homecoming together.”

Dean smiled and motioned for him to move closer. Cas laid beside him and Dean wrapped his arms around the injured boy carefully. “I wish we could date and not be in secret like that. I wish more than anything you were safe at home,” he said softly. 

Castiel put a hand on Dean's chest. “You want to date me?” he said in disbelief. 

Dean glanced at him. “Well, yeah, you're pretty awesome.” He smiled. 

Castiel leaned up so he was hovering over Dean. “You're pretty awesome too,” he replied. Then he leaned down for a slow, sweet kiss. 

Dean pulled him back to the side. “Don't overdo it. A dislocated shoulder is not fun, trust me.” He pressed their lips together, now on top. “If I ever do anything to hurt you, kick my ass and tell Missouri.” 

Castiel smirked. “You want me to tell on you to basically your mom?” 

Dean laughed. “She is pretty much my mom, isn't she?” He laid back down beside Cas. “I wish you didn't have to go back there.”

Castiel laced their fingers together. “I'm glad you came over.” 

Missouri poked her head in the door. “Don't make me ban you from being in the room with the door closed, boys.” 

“Sorry, Missouri,” Castiel apologized. 

“Hey, Missouri, can I call you mom?” Dean asked suddenly. 

The older woman smiled brightly. “Yes, sweetheart, you may,” she said. “Just remember that at school you still need to refer to me as Nurse Moseley.” She left the room, leaving the door open behind her. 

Dean smiled in awe. “Cas, I have a mom,” he whispered. His lip began to quiver and his eyes watered. “I have a mom,” he said softly. 

Cas held Dean. “It's okay, Dean. She loves you.” 

Dean let the tears slide down his cheeks in silence. He couldn't explain to Cas what this meant to him. He knew the facts were different than how he felt, but he couldn't change how he saw it when he was four. “My real mom and my dad got divorced when I was four. She got Sammy and dad got me,” he spoke quietly but sadly. “I remember begging mom to take me with her, to be my mom. She said she couldn't. She had to take Sammy.”

He took a deep, shaky breath. “My mom left me with dad. When I was twelve, I found the phone number for the lawyer and called him. He told me that mom was forced to take Sammy, and she didn't have a choice. I asked if I could talk to her, but he told me because of how horrible the case had been I can't talk to mom or Sammy ever.” 

“Until you turn eighteen,” Castiel said softly. “That ruling only works until you turn eighteen, Dean. Then you can talk to them or see them if you want.” 

Dean kissed his cheek. “Can you find out for sure? You're smarter than I am, and I trust you,” he said. Cas nodded. “Actually, I don't know that I want to know. Mom chose Sammy. She didn't choose me. She didn't love me.” Dean sniffled. “But it's okay. I have a mom now. She wants me around. She keeps me safe.” 

Castiel continued to hold Dean. They sat like that for quite some time in silence before either of them moved. Eventually Dean moved and began to kiss Cas slowly, gently. He cupped the back of his head with one hand. His other hand supported his back. 

Castiel felt fire in his blood as they kissed. He lost the ability to breathe and felt like he was drowning all at the same time. He gripped Dean tighter, needing this overwhelming sensation more with every touch. He opened his mouth a little wider, and Dean's tongue slipped inside, causing him to groan a little.

Slowly and reluctantly, Dean broke the kiss. “Damn,” he mused softly. “I wasn't expecting that.”

Castiel began to freak out. “Was it that bad?” he asked feeling shame. 

“Baby, you are incredible,” he praised the other boy. “Best kiss I've ever had.”

Castiel blushed. “I...that was…”

“Your first real kiss?” Cas nodded. “You're a natural.” He saw how late it was. “You should get home so you don't get in trouble.”

“I'm probably in trouble for leaving. I don't care.” Castiel put his shirt on. “My shoulder feels a lot better,” he remarked. 

Dean kissed his forehead. “I'm glad. Cas, you know you can come over anytime, right?” Dean wanted to reassure the boy. 

Cas nodded. Dean walked him to the front door. Before they went to the car, Dean kissed him again. “Are you sure about homecoming? I don't want to make you uncomfortable.” Dean had both hands on the blue eyed boy's face. 

Castiel smiled softly. “Homecoming would be lovely.” He leaned his head against Dean's shoulder. “I'll try to come over tomorrow. We need to work on our assignment.”


	8. Chapter 8

Dean dropped Cas off at his house. He didn't dare walk him to the door and possibly cause more trouble for the boy. Cas texted Dean later that his father wasn't even home. 

Castiel relaxed in his bed when his phone chimed with a text from his cousin. 

**Lucifer:** hey, cas, I'm just checking in to see how things are going with Zachariah. I know he can be a real dick. 

**Castiel:** yeah, he still is. Was he always like this?

**Lucifer:** I think that depends on what this is. He used to shout and get drunk when I was little. He never screamed at naomi. 

**Castiel:** Shouting would be nice comparatively. But I graduate this year. I'm going to go to college somewhere, anywhere away from here. 

**Lucifer:** what is he doing to you? I know he'll never hurt Hannah. Some kind of twisted built in chivalry complex. 

**Castiel:** I can come over sometime and show you. It's bad, Lu. 

**Lucifer:** Yeah, come over when you can. You still into boys?

Castiel blushed and thought of Dean. He wondered if his cousin minded him being the only person who knew besides Dean. 

**Castiel:** Yeah, I might have a boyfriend. He just asked me to homecoming. 

**Lucifer:** Tell me you said no. 

This text seemed frantic. He didn't understand. Lucifer had always supported him before. 

**Castiel:** I said yes. But we're going with a group so maybe father won't find out. I thought you'd be happy for me, Luci. 

**Lucifer:** I am, but I want you to be safe. It's not safe, not at that school. Zachariah knows far too many people. You're spending the weekend with me after homecoming. No arguments. I'll take care of Zachariah. 

He didn't argue with his cousin. Lucifer had always stood up for him when he could. Cas felt guilty for not telling Lucifer about his father beating him. 

**Castiel:** You're the best. Did you ever find a new place?

**Lucifer:** Yeah, they can't kick me out here. It's a nice little house. You should come by and see it sometime. 

Castiel thought he might actually take him up on the offer. He hadn't actually seen Lucifer in over two years. His father had forbidden contact with him. He heard the front door slam. 

**Castiel:** shit. Father is home. Gotta delete these.

Cas knew that his father would go through his phone when he was knocked out. That's why Dean was saved under Deanna, just in case. Lucifer was saved as a contact, but his phone number had been there for years. 

Castiel heard his father stomp up the steps. His stomach dropped when he saw the doorknob twist.  _ No, no, it's too soon. _ The doorknob stopped moving. He heard his father move down the hall towards his own room and sighed in relief. 

**Lucifer:** 911 and I'll be there. That's all it takes. Delete this. 

Castiel followed the instruction to delete the message, but he knew what his cousin meant. Lucifer was still looking out for him as best as he could. Castiel saw a message from Dean. 

**Dean:** please tell me you didn't get in trouble. 

**Castiel:** he just walked past my room. I'm okay.

**Dean:** I was worried. 

**Castiel:** don't be. This isn't even as bad as it gets.

Castiel shed a tear. He hated how true this was. Charlie had called him once to check on him after he'd been out of school for a week. Cas had been unconscious for a day that time. He'd had broken bones and taken himself to the hospital. He told the nurses it was jerks at school. 

Cas sat on the floor beside the bed. He thought of everything he went through. Nothing was getting better. Dean was nice to him, but he had his own shit to deal with. 

Cas leaned against the bed to feel the pain in his back. The bruises screamed at the pressure he put on them. He enjoyed the pain this time. It felt better than the terrible sinking feeling. He felt like he was a boat that kept sinking deeper into the dark water below. He was drowning. The only way to breathe again was the pain. He pressed his finger deep into the bruises on his side.

His phone buzzed and he ignored it. Dean knew he was okay. His father hadn't hurt him this time. An hour later he pried himself off the floor to crawl under the blankets of his bed. He plugged his phone in and saw a text from Charlie. 

**Queen Charlie:** I've got a hot date to homecoming. 

**Queen Charlie:** it's Dorothy. 

**Queen Charlie:** Cas, why is Dor telling me that you're going with Dean? Wth.

Castiel didn't answer her. He knew she'd try again the next day. The next day he didn't go see Dean like he had promised.

**Dean:** You okay?

**Castiel:** Depends on the definition 

**Dean:** How sore are you today? You said he didn't hurt you last night. It's okay if you don't come over today. I just want you to feel better. 

Castiel stared at his phone. Was Dean for real? Did he really care about Cas? 

**Castiel:** It's not going away that soon. Charlie told me Dorothy asked her to homecoming. 

**Dean:** Awesome. Dor hasn't texted me yet. 

Castiel let the conversation drop. He wasn't feeling up to it. He wanted to sleep it off, whatever it was. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because the last chapter was so short, you guys get 2 today.

Monday came all too soon. Castiel moved slowly and carefully. When he got to school, the crowded hallways made him almost fold in on himself. He kept to himself and avoided his friends. 

Charlie wasn't about to allow being avoided. She hunted him down, but when she found him she saw the haunted look in his eyes. “Come on. We're skipping class,” she said softly. 

She grabbed his hand and began to pull him along. Castiel wasn't paying much attention to anything that day and didn't realize where they were going. Charlie pulled him into the same little-hidden theater room that Dean had taken him to. 

“Cas,” his friend began quietly. “What's been going on with you lately? You've been…distant.”

Castiel couldn't meet her gaze. “It's nothing,” he replied. 

Charlie huffed. “Is it Dean? Is it your asshole father?” she asked almost angrily. “I'm your best friend, and you don't tell me anything!” 

“It's not something I can talk about,” he murmured. 

Charlie stopped moving. “Can't or won't? You don't tell me anything anymore. I waited for you to come to me about your dad beating you. You never did. I waited for years for you to trust me enough to tell me!”

Castiel looked scared. He was frightened of her. “How...how do you know that?” he asked shakily in fear. 

Charlie gave him a dark look. “I know the signs of abuse. Dean is abused too. At the old foster home, there was a girl named Krissy whose mom used to abuse her. I may not know it myself, but I have eyes.” Charlie paused. 

Castiel felt small. He wished he could disappear. “I do trust you, Charlie.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he took off his shirt. “My shoulder was dislocated too.”

Charlie saw the damage and tears slid down her pale face. “You've been hiding this from me?” she whispered. 

Cas nodded. “Kevin doesn't know. He's too concerned with school to bother.” He put his shirt back on. 

“I love Kevin, the big dork he is. But you're right. He's so concerned with school he doesn't see what's going on right in front of him.” The girl sighed. “How long?”

“Since father started having an affair. Mother has an affair or two also, but she just doesn't come home those nights,” he said. He sat on the floor and Charlie sat beside him. “Sometimes it's worse. Sometimes it's not so bad.”

“Does he hit Hannah?” She asked. 

Castiel snorted in derision. “No, Hannah is perfect. Hannah can do no wrong. Hannah doesn't do her homework.” Castiel leaned his head back against the cold stone of the wall. “They don't realize that in a couple years when she's a teenager, she’ll end up just like my cousin.”

“You have a cousin?” she sounded surprised. 

“Yeah,” he replied. “But I'm not supposed to talk to him. He lives on the other side of town. He just moved into a new place. He wants me to come over for a visit. Haven't seen him in at least two years maybe three. That was only for a few minutes, long enough for father to forbid us from seeing him. I doubt Hannah even remembers him,” he said sadly. “His name is Lucifer.”

Charlie chuckled. “Must’ve been a devil to raise.” It was just cheesy enough to crack his grim thoughts. Castiel smiled at her joke. 

“I wish I did something to at least feel like I deserve it. Sometimes I feel like I do. But most of the time it just hurts.” He rolled his head to the side to look at his best friend. “I do trust you, Charlie. I'd probably have gone off the deep end without you.”

Charlie met his gaze. “Let's do something crazy for homecoming. We never go to parties.”

“We're never  _ invited _ to parties,” Cas pointed out. 

Charlie grinned. “But our dates are the most popular kids in school. We could totally get invited this time!” 

Cas’ smile faded quickly. “Yeah, you'll have to go without me. I think I might cancel with Dean.”

Charlie gasped. “But he asked you out. Why would you cancel?”

Castiel stared at the ground. “He's got enough going on without me adding to it. He doesn't need me to weigh him down.”

Charlie grabbed his hand. “Do you think he likes you?” Cas shrugged. “You know you're allowed to have problems and feelings too, right?”

“What do you mean?” He looked at their joined hands. 

Charlie watched him sadly. “You don't have to hide how you feel or what you're going through just because other people have things going on. You're allowed to be human, Cas.” 

Castiel’s eyes stung. “Yeah, sure.” He thought he was just bothering people with his stuff. 

“So, when did you know you liked boys?” Charlie decided to change the tone of the conversation. 

Cas blushed. “I don't really know when I realized it. I just remember only being attracted to boys.” His cheeks burned. 

Charlie grinned. “Do you like Dean?”

He nodded. “He's very different than people think he is. He's kind when others from school can't see and sweet,” he added softly. “What about Dorothy?”

“She's a secret nerd!” Charlie giggled. “She agrees with me about Lady Arwen. She's hot but needs a damn personality. And we both love Tauriel!” 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You silly girls can't see that Aragorn, Kili, and Legolas are the hottest in those movies.” He added, “Maybe Thorin too.”

“At least we agree, Eowen just over does it.” Charlie smiled brightly. She felt her phone buzz. “Dorothy is asking why we're not in class. What should I tell her?”

Castiel smirked. “She could come join us if she's that curious.”

Charlie grinned. “This is why we're best friends!” Her fingers moved at lightning speed across the screen of her phone. “She's bringing Dean too.”

“Okay,” he said. He wasn't excited like he thought he would be. He had expected to be excited.

Moments later, Dean and Dorothy walked through the door. The brunette girl walked right over to the redhead and kissed her. Castiel stared at the floor. It took him a minute to realize Dean was standing nearby nervously waiting. Cas stood beside him. 

Dean looked him over. “You okay?” he asked quietly. Cas shrugged. “Want to come over after school?” 

“Don't you have practice?” Cas replied. “The team needs their star.” He put a little attitude behind his words. 

Dean stiffened. “What's going on?” 

Castiel turned away. “Nothing.” 

Dean put a hand on his shoulder. “Please talk to me.” 

“It's nothing, Dean,” he tried to shrug it off. He turned back around to face Dean. “Just...why me? You never saw me before. Why me?”  

Dean searched his face. “You really don't get how wonderful you are. Don't you realize how incredible you are?” He whispered and touched the doubting boy's face gently. 

Cas’ eyes prickled. “No, I'm not. I'm just some nerd you took pity on.” He closed his eyes. 

Dean wrapped him in his arms. “Baby, you are not just some nerd. You're the smartest person I know. I did take pity on you, but only because I understand what kind of hell you're living in. I want to help in any way I can because you deserve it. You deserve better.” 

A tear trickled down Castiel's cheek. “I don't. You're only ever like this with me. Is any of this even real, Dean?”

They were unaware that Dorothy and Charlie were now listening to them. Charlie was getting angry at how hurt Cas sounded. She wanted to kick Dean's ass. 

Dean caressed his face with a thumb. “Of course it is. I don't want to endanger you by being with you at school. That's why we're going as a group to homecoming. What can I do to prove this is real?” 

Cas shook his head. He didn't know. “You're right. We can't be seen together. My father…” He realized the room was silent. He looked back and saw Charlie and Dorothy watching them. He became very conscious of how close he was to Dean and stepped away. Dean nodded and quietly left the room. 

“You're an idiot,” Dorothy told the shy boy. “I already knew he likes you. It's clear you make Dean happy. I've known that moron for a long time and he's never looked at anyone the way he does at you.” She stood beside him. “He has a hard life which I think you know. You should go after him.”

Castiel looked up and met her gaze. “I can't,” he said shakily. “I can't. He's right.”

Charlie moved beside them. “Castiel, have you ever stood up to him?” She referred to his father. He shook his head. “He doesn't know you're gay.” He nodded. 

“He...I can't do this,” he breathed and ran from the room. 

Dean tried to get his attention, but he kept running. He got in his car and drove. 


	10. Chapter 10

Lucifer opened his door to see his expected guest crying. He pulled the kid in and hugged him tightly. “We'll get you away from that asshole. You can live here,” he said as a greeting. 

Castiel pulled back enough to talk. “It's not that.” 

Lucifer closed the door and lead him to the kitchen. “Want a drink?” 

Castiel shrugged. He'd never drank before. Lucifer poured him a small glass. “You going to tell me whose ass I need to kick?” his cousin asked. 

Cas shook his head and slowly sipped his drink. It burned but he didn't mind. He knew he'd be doing more to himself later. “Why are guys jerks to everyone but the person they like?” 

Lucifer was a little shocked. “Is the boy you like being a dick to you?” he said protectively. “No one fucks with my cousin.”

“No, Dean is nice to me, but he's a jerk to everyone else. He's got this image he's expected to keep. He's no different than me except his dad got arrested.” Castiel downed the rest of the drink quickly. Lucifer looked stunned but didn't mention it. 

“Your dad wasn't always that way. He became that way after my dad died. Chuck was Zachariah’s rock. Naomi never was. She started cheating on him before my dad died,” Lucifer stated. He leaned back in his chair. “Zachariah grew bitter when he found out. He couldn't hit her, but he figured a child did what their fathers told them. So he hit you and told you to be quiet.”

Castiel's cheeks were wet again. “I hate him.”

“I'm going to get custody of you. You're still underage. When do you turn eighteen?” he asked unsurely. 

Castiel wiped his face. “Don't worry about it, Luci. I'm out of there when I graduate. He can jump off a cliff.” He immediately felt guilty for saying it, but he didn't want to. The guilt had been beaten into him. 

“You still going to homecoming with Dean?” his cousin dragged his thoughts away. 

“No. I don't want to be a bother to him,” Cas said. 

“Little angel,” he used his old nickname from when they were kids. This caught Castiel's attention. “You should go with him. You like him, and he had the balls to ask you. I'd say it's worth at least one night of fun.” 

“They won't buy me anything to wear. I've never been to a dance before,” he murmured. His shoulders dropped at the thought. 

Lucifer left the room for a few minutes. Cas wished he had more in his cup. He felt a little numb for once, and he desperately wanted to feel numb. Lucifer returned to find Cas lost in his thoughts. The older man thought his little cousin looked troubled. He figured the least he could do was make sure the kid had one night of fun. “Wear this. Well, see if it fits first.” He held up a nice navy blue suit. 

“Was that uncle Chuck's?” the boy asked softly. 

“No, this was grandpa's,” Lucifer said solemnly. “He died when I was younger than Hannah. You don't remember him because Zachariah refused to get over himself. They'd had a huge fight years before, so dad told me.” He looked at his younger cousin fondly. “You look just like Grandpa Jimmy.”

Castiel was pensive while he held the suit and fingered different parts gently. “It doesn't look that old.”

“It was the last suit he bought. He'd only had the chance to wear it once.” Lucifer smiled. “It'll look great on you if it fits. You look about the same size, but I was a lot smaller back then so I may be wrong,” he gave a crooked smile. “Try it on. You can stay here the night of homecoming. Zachariah might actually kill you if he recognizes that suit. But you deserve to have some fun, and looking great is a nice bonus.” 

Castiel hugged his cousin suddenly. Lucifer froze then reacted by patting his back. Castiel tried on the suit. When he looked in the mirror, he saw that it fit well, like it was made for him. He showed Lucifer who seemed to struggle with itchy eyes. When Castiel's back was turned Lucifer downed a glass of whiskey. 

“You should text your date. Tell him what color your suit is so he doesn't clash.” Castiel gave him a puzzled look. “I don't know. The girls I went with always wanted to make sure we matched.” 

“But we're not girls.” Cas was still confused. “I could tell Charlie what I'm going to wear?”

“Nah, tell your date. He needs to know you haven't bailed on him,” he nodded towards the phone. “You can hang out here if you want.”

**Castiel:** Sorry I ran off earlier.

**Dean:** Was it something I did or said? I get it if you don't want to go to the dance with me.

**Castiel:** My suit is a dark blue. 

**Dean:** I know you'll look good in it. You'll look amazing. 

**Castiel:** Will you remind me on Saturday? I'll be too nervous. 

**Dean:** Are you saying you'll still go with me?

**Castiel:** I'll be at my cousin's that day. Do I pick you up or do you pick me up? I'm not sure how any of this works. 

Castiel saw the emojis Dean sent and decided he needed Charlie's help with emojis. He forwarded them to her.

**Queen Charlie:** Ew. Cas, why are you telling me you're so happy you wish you could fuck me? 

**Castiel:** How the hell does that say all that? And Dean sent me this. I don't understand emojis.

**Queen Charlie:** so you made up? 

**Castiel:** It appears that way. 

Castiel texted Dean back. He was blushing as he did. 

“Why don't you go see him?” Lucifer's voice startled him. The man was standing in the doorway smiling. “It's good to see you and see you happy, cousin.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling nice, another double for ya!

Castiel took his cousin's advice. He showed up at Dean's house with a smile. He hadn't told Dean he was coming over. Dean had told him that Missouri wasn't home. 

Dean opened the door with a surprised look. He smiled. “Cas,” he said happily. 

Castiel saw how happy Dean looked with him standing on his doorstep as a surprise. “I thought we could work on our assignment?” he asked nervously. He wasn't sure why he was nervous. The whole way over he had convinced himself that it would just be for homework. 

Dean motioned for him to come inside the house. Once the door was closed, Dean took a chance and kissed him. Castiel closed his eyes and immediately his plans for homework changed. He pressed into Dean and placed a hand on his chest. 

Dean pulled back and took his hand. He lead them to his room. Castiel stood in the middle of the room nervously. Dean shut the door and returned to Cas. He could feel the nervousness rolling off of the other boy. “There's so much I'd like to do with you, but there's a lot...a lot I'm just not ready for. Is that okay with you?” Dean asked. 

“I think you've figured out where I am on the experience side of things. I'm okay with the pace you set,” he said. His eyes kept landing on Dean's lips. 

Dean cupped his face with his hand and ran a thumb over his lips. Cas felt the thumb and sucked it into his mouth instinctively. Dean's eyes immediately darkened with desire. “Cas,” he gasped. 

Castiel thought about some of the porn he'd seen. He may have been a virgin but the internet helped him from being a completely frustrated virgin. Castiel sucked on the thumb lightly. Dean quickly removed the thumb from his mouth and covered the open mouth with his own. Castiel clung to him as they kissed ferociously. 

Dean walked them back to the bed. He pulled Cas down with him when his knees hit the mattress. Castiel climbed on top of the other boy. Their lips remained connected. 

Dean slid his hands down Castiel's back. He moaned when he felt the hidden taut muscles beneath the fabric of his shirt. Castiel broke the kiss and sat up feeling embarrassed. “Cas, baby, what's wrong?” Dean sat up beside him. 

Castiel dropped his eyes to his own lap and his cheeks burned brightly. “Sorry,” he mumbled. 

Dean saw the bulge in his pants. “Damn, baby. You're packing,” he said. He reached other and slowly rested his palm over what Cas was embarrassed about. “There's a lot we can do if you want.”

Castiel let his hips jump up causing Dean's hand to palm him firmly. “Ah,” he gasped. “Yes, Dean,” he whispered. 

Dean laid back, pulling Castiel with him. “Don't be embarrassed, baby,” he said comfortingly. “Feel?” He put Cas’ hand on his own erection. 

Castiel pressed his hand down firmly. Dean moaned quietly. Castiel did it again experimentally. Dean grabbed his hand and lined their hips up. He gripped Cas’ hips. “Move your hips, Cas,” he struggled to say. 

Castiel rolled his hips. The friction sent waves of pleasure through him, but he could tell that this angle wasn't right. He straddled Dean in one smooth movement and rolled his hips down again. It was a little easier this time, but he knew it wasn't quite right. He made a concentrated face and moved again. 

Dean watched him figure out the intricacies of intimacy. He was beautiful and his intelligence made him more beautiful. Dean spread his legs and lifted his knees, keeping his feet on the bed for now. Cas readjusted and the angle was much better than before. Dean slid his hands down his pants and gripped the fleshy ass cheeks. Cas thrust down repeatedly, rubbing their clothed erections together quickly. 

Dean knew that coming in his pants was an uncomfortable, sticky mess. He didn't want Cas to have to go home like that. “Baby,” he groaned. “Pants. Take ‘em off.” His breathing was ragged already. “Cas, take your pants off so we don't make a mess in them.” 

His words finally seemed to get through to him. Dean could see he was really enjoying this. His eyes were so dark there was barely any of the sapphire left. Dean undid the button of Cas’ pants. The zipper slid down and he let his hand graze the hardness through the fabric. Cas sat up to remove his pants while Dean removed his own and his boxers. Cas followed suit and was soon back on top of Dean. 

Cas leaned down and captured his lips in a sweet and intimate kiss. “You're beautiful, Dean,” he whispered. He gasped when he rolled his hips down and felt his hard cock sliding along Dean's. “Feels so good.” 

“Can I make you feel even better?” Dean asked. He knew he was pushing it. Cas would probably zone out afterwards for a bit. He knew there was a term for this but he couldn't remember it at the time. Cas nodded his consent, and Dean rolled them over so he was now on top. 

Dean pushed his shirt up and out of the way a little and kissed down his exposed belly. He moved lower still pausing before his target. He raised an eyebrow, asking permission. Cas nodded greedily. Dean licked up the shaft causing the boy beneath him to moan. He kissed the tip and tongued it, teasing him. 

“Mm, Dean,” he tried to keep his voice down. Dean sucked him down and began bobbing his head. Cas writhed beneath him. 

After a moment, Dean changed the angle and loosened his jaw. Castiel called out when the tip hit the back of Dean's throat. His hands found Dean's head. Dean pulled off for a moment to give Cas a second to relax. 

“I'm going to do that again. This time, I want you to move your hips,” Dean said. 

Castiel pulled him up for a kiss and tasted himself. “No, get on top of me,” he pleaded. “I need to feel you.” 

Dean couldn't refuse the request. “Cas,” he gasped. “Baby, you are huge.” He completely lost his mind when Cas rolled his hips up into Dean’s while gripping his hips hard. Dean got with the program and soon neither boy could breathe properly. 

Small grunts and groans interspersed with moans filled the air of the bedroom. Dean felt himself racing toward the finish line, but he tried to hold off so Cas could finish too. “Baby, I'm close,” Dean warned. 

Castiel nodded. He gripped Dean's hips as they rocked together and he let out a loud moan as the pressure intensified. “Dean, Dean, Dean,” he moaned breathlessly like a mantra. 

Dean leaned down and sucked on his bottom lip. He felt heat explode between them as their orgasms ripped through them both at the same time. Castiel sighed in ecstasy. Dean collapsed on top of him. “Dean, please, off. Bruises,” the boy groaned. 

Cas didn't care if his bruises got worse, but he didn't want Dean to worry over them. Dean got off him immediately and looked worried. “I didn't hurt you, did I?” 

Castiel carefully placed a hand on his cheek with a smile. “No, you didn't hurt me. Far, far from that, Dean. This was amazing,” he sighed happily. He laid his head on Dean's chest. After several moments of silence, he spoke. “Sometimes I have a hard time believing this is all real,” he said. “Sometimes when I'm passed out or asleep after a really bad day, I dream such vivid dreams.”

Dean stroked his hair gently. “What do you dream about?”

“It's nightmares mostly, but occasionally I get a good vivid dream of you,” Cas said. He could feel his cheeks burn. 

Dean glanced down at him. “You're so cute when you blush.” He relaxed a little more underneath Cas. “Why do you dream of me? You kind of iced me out until a few days ago.” 

Castiel knew he was right. “I've had a crush on you for a while. When you first started talking to me, I thought I had imagined it. Then Charlie said she saw you speak to me.” 

Dean eased up on the pillow a little bit. He brought Cas up with him. “Was it really that shocking?”

Cas nodded against his chest. “Good things like that don't...didn't happen to me before then. That's why it's so hard to believe this is all real. It's not just in my head.” 

Dean tightened his arms around Castiel. He kissed the top of his head softly. “Will you try to believe it? Because I really do like you, Cas.” 

Castiel looked up, his gaze meeting Dean's honest green eyes. “I believe it now,” he whispered. He leaned up for a light kiss. “We should get dressed before Missouri gets home.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, mom won't be too happy about this.” He lead them both to the bathroom to clean up, only pausing to kiss the blue eyed boy a few times. 


	12. Chapter 12

Charlie noticed how happy Castiel looked each day during that week. She watched her best friend begin to come out of his shell a bit more. He spoke more. He shared more personal things with her and with Kevin. 

She noticed from a distance the change in Dean. He sat with Dorothy every day at the end of their lunch table. She caught him stealing glances at Cas often. Castiel had told her that as a compromise for not skipping classes he would see Dean every day after school. Dean had wanted to see him during school too but agreed to the compromise. 

On Wednesday Castiel came into class with a limp. Her heart sank when she saw the haunted look in his eyes. He closed up again. She texted Dorothy to speak to Dean. “Cas?” The redhead got his attention softly. 

He shook his head as if he'd been in a trance. He didn't say anything, but he nodded almost imperceptibly. Charlie sighed sadly and went back to eating her lunch. “How about after the dance, we all go back to my place and watch movies?”

Castiel shrugged and glanced over at the popular table. Charlie caught his meaning. “Dorothy's having a party after. But she'll understand if I bail,” Charlie tried. 

“No, Charlie, go to the party,” he replied quietly. 

Charlie glanced over his shoulder at Dean. She caught the boy staring again. Castiel wasn't paying attention to her. She nodded, communicating with Dean from across the room. 

Charlie watched Castiel check his phone and ignore the message that came through. The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. “Cas, we have class.” The boy moved automatically to and from his classes. 

Charlie approached Dean just before he had football practice. “He's had a bad morning. He was late today.” 

Dean’s easy smile dropped and his eyes were sad. “Is he still coming over after practice?”

“Right now, I think you're the only thing getting him through all of this,” she replied honestly. “He talks to you.” 

Dean saw some of his teammates nearby. “Please tell him I hope to see him today,” he dropped his voice. “Go before they come over here.”

Charlie texted her best friend as she left. When he didn't respond to her after twenty minutes, she drove over to his house. “Oh, hi, Mr. Novak, is Castiel home?” she asked. 

The man eyed her and realized who she was. “I told you never to speak to my son again.” 

“I'm sorry about that, Mr. Novak. We got paired in one of our classes for an assignment.” She lied easily. It was a practiced excuse meaning that if his father passed along the message that Castiel would know she's worried about him. 

“Then do it at school. My son will have nothing to do with disgusting homosexuals like yourself.” The older man was balding. “Get off my property.”

Charlie smiled politely. “Yes, sir. But you should know our mayor is gay, and he just lowered property taxes for homophobes like you. The sheriff is a lesbian and absolutely adores me.” 

She winked and went back to her car. Once in the car, she called the sheriff. “Hey, Aunt Jody. I need a favor. Can you put a watch on the address I'm going to text you? My friend came into school with bruises today. It's happened before but he finally told me what was going on.”

Jody promised to keep an eye on the house and send an officer to investigate. Charlie hoped this would help Castiel, but she had a sinking feeling it wouldn't. She saw Cas in his bedroom window as she drove away. 

**Castiel:** Why did you come over? Why did you risk that?

**Queen Charlie:** Had to know you were okay. Dean asked if you were going to go see him. 

**Castiel:** I think so. Just need a chance to sneak out. 

**Queen Charlie:** Be careful. I asked Aunt Jody to keep an eye on your house. Maybe that will help. 

**Castiel:** I don't deserve you. But I love you, Char. 

**Queen Charlie:** You better love me. Now, go see your man. 

The next day Cas was smiling. He came up to her and hugged her without a warning. He whispered in her ear. “The cops stopped by and spoke to father. They're not convinced something isn't going on, but they can't prove it yet.” 

Charlie pulled away to look at his face. “Where are you staying Saturday?”

“Lucifer's.” He caught a glimpse of Dean down the hall. The green eye boy was smiling. Cas’ cheeks turned red. “We did more last night,” he admitted to Charlie. “I think when he's ready I'd like to go all the way with him.”

Charlie's eyes went wide. “Are you sure? That's a huge step and you can't take it back. There's no redo.”

Castiel nodded. “He's the only one besides you and Kevin who have actually given a damn about me. My own family would beat me or worse if they found out I'm gay.” 

Charlie wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned into him as they walked to class. “I hate your family, not because they are homophobic dicks. You should feel loved by more than just three friends, Cas.”

Castiel was clearly wondering who the third person was, but Charlie had seen the difference in Dean. She knew the athlete was falling for her best friend. She knew Cas was oblivious to that no matter how much he smiled that week.


	13. Chapter 13

Castiel looked at himself in the mirror. He sighed in frustration. “Stupid hair,” he grumbled. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't tame it.

“Leave it. It looks good. The wild sex hair look works for you, little angel,” Lucifer said fondly. “You look very nice. When is your date picking you up?” He'd been careful not to say, boyfriend, until Cas gave the green light. 

“He should be here any minute now. But I can't get my hair to look right,” he complained. 

Lucifer stepped into the bathroom and ran a hand through his cousin's hair. “Leave it. Trust me, if that boy doesn't drop his pants for you, he's the one not worth it,” Lucifer said kindly. 

Castiel lowered his head. “Luci, he's a good a guy. He's...he's better than me.” 

Lucifer grabbed him by the shoulders. He forced him to look up at him as he was slightly taller than Cas. “Cassie, please, trust me on this. I know I haven't met him yet, but he's only half the man you are. You are my cousin. No matter what happens tonight or any other time, I will always love you,” he said with a serious look. He pulled the younger boy in for a hug. 

“Thanks, Lu.” There was a knock on the front door. “Ooh that's him!” Castiel fussed with his suit and badly tied tie nervously. 

Lucifer opened the door. His body language was intimidating. “What do you want?” he said coolly. Castiel couldn't see him yet. 

“I'm Dean Winchester. I'm here to pick up Cas for the dance,” he said. Dean sounded calm. 

Lucifer glanced over his shoulder with a sly smile. “Step into my office.” He stepped outside and closed the door behind himself. Castiel gasped. 

Lucifer gave Dean a once over. “I know your type. Don't hurt him,” he demanded. 

“I'd never,” Dean began to defend himself. “Yes, sir.” He bowed his head a little in concession. 

“Dean, he's nervous as hell. Poor kid's never been on a date. Make it good for him?” Lucifer requested. “I don't know what it is he likes about you, but I've never seen him happy until now.” 

Lucifer released his hold on the door, and it flew open. Castiel had been pulling on it. He nearly fell through the door. Dean caught him. 

“Wow,” the green eyed boy gasped. “Cas, you look amazing,” he said reverently. “I, uh, mom suggested I get you this,” he said nervously revealing a baby blue rose boutonniere. It had a small lavender ribbon. 

The small flower took his breath away. Castiel was almost in tears he was so happy. “How do you put it on?” 

Dean stumbled through it and poked himself with the pin. Lucifer stepped in after watching the boys struggle. He pinned it on his cousin easily. “It looks nice.”

Dean blushed. There was obviously something he wanted to say but not in front of Cas’ cousin. “Should we go?” He offered his hand. 

They climbed into Dean's behemoth of a car. “You look so beautiful, Cas,” Dean breathed. 

Cas turned bright red. “So do you, Dean.” The other boy wore a black suit with a maroon tie and a white shirt. “I really like the flower.”

“I, uh, this is stupid, but I looked it up. It means mystery or unattainable and the lavender ribbon is for a crush.” His voice shook with nervousness. “I thought it fit perfectly.”

“Unattainable? But, Dean, you have me,” Cas replied softly. “I'm yours, Dean.” 

Dean smiled. They were at the school sooner than expected. “Hang on,” he said before Cas could get out. He leaned over and kissed him softly. “Had to do that at least once tonight.” 

“Wish we could do that more,” he said. “The rest of our group is here.” He nodded towards Charlie and Dorothy who didn't care who saw them making out.


	14. Chapter 14

“Hey, ladies, looking good. Charlie, I'm impressed. You got Dor to wear a dress,” Dean teased. Kevin and Lisa joined them in laughing.

Castiel didn't laugh. “Actually, I think Dorothy got Charlie to wear one.” He smiled softly at Charlie. “You all look great.” He included Lisa in his compliment, noticing Dean hadn't meant to include her. 

“You guys clean up nicely too,” Lisa stated, making it obvious she was checking Dean out. 

Dean hated the way she checked him out. He stepped closer to Cas even though he wasn't allowed to hold his hand. Castiel had set strict boundaries so that any backlash from the dance would be minimal. 

Kevin seemed to be well aware that Lisa couldn't stand to be there with him. He looked like a lost puppy trailing after her. Charlie suggested they all move inside since it was chilly out. 

Inside the gymnasium where the dance was being held, people were bombarded with a cheesy overdone theme. Bad music blared through speakers in the corners of the gym. The center was the dance floor, and the food was set up on tables around the dance floor. Castiel thought it looked like a cliche teen romance film. 

Dean watched his friends and their dates move to the dance floor. Crowley approached him while Cas was dancing with Charlie and Dorothy. “Coming to the dance with the queers? Feeling sorry for them, Winchester?” the British boy asked. 

“Get lost, Crowley,” he retorted. 

Crowley raised an eyebrow curiously. “I really hope we don't have to tell coach that you're a cocksucker too. It'd be a shame to lose the quarterback this close to the final when the college scouts will be watching.” 

“What do you want?” Dean said darkly. 

“Personally, I think you ought to think about your priorities. There's no football queens that get scholarships, poor boy.” Crowley walked behind him to his other side. “I know about Daddy Winchester's arrest and charges. Wouldn't want that circulating school.”

Dean turned towards the other boy. “You got a problem with me, Crowley?” Dean was seething. “Just trying to enjoy a lame fucking dance, man. Get the fuck out of my face.” 

“Fine.” He threw his hands up feigning surrender. 

Castiel noticed the exchange and slipped up beside Dean quietly. “He's a dick.” Dean nodded. “Don't let him bother you.”

Dean swallowed thickly. “He knows about Dad.”

“Do you want to leave?” Cas offered. 

Dean turned to face him. “No, I don't want to ruin your first dance.” Dean didn't tell Cas that Crowley was going to try and ruin his chances at a future. He wanted Cas to have an amazing night. He deserved it. 

“You're not going to ruin it, Dean. I wish we could dance together,” he said shyly. His cheeks were pink. “I don't care if father finds out,” he said suddenly. 

Dean's eyes grew large. “Baby,” he breathed. “Please don't risk it. I'm not worth that.” Castiel understood what he meant. It was an unspoken agreement never to mention each other's abuse in public. 

“Will you dance with us?” Castiel asked softly. “If that's the only way I can ask you,” he whispered. 

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” he replied. 

They danced as a small group for one song. Lisa tried to get close to Dean, but Charlie kept getting in her way. She huffed and left Kevin there. Someone spiked the punch a little while later and made the dance a little more fun. Dean only danced for one song. He stepped away to watch the remaining four enjoy the dance. 

“Coming as part of a group wasn't the dare, brother,” Benny said with a chuckle. “But I like the style.”

Dean shrugged. “Yeah, well, I did what you dared me to do. I asked Castiel to homecoming.” Some of their other friends were close enough to hear their conversation. “That's the last time I let you give me a dare when I'm that drunk. Man, I was completely wasted that night.”

Benny gave a sly smile. “But you remembered it the next day.”

“Because no one brought tequila or decent whiskey. That cheap shit ain't gonna do anything to anyone.” Dean felt like himself while talking to his friends about alcohol. He relaxed a bit. The alcohol in the punch helped a little. “Who put the vodka in the punch?” 

His friend pointed to Cole who was dancing with his date. They watched Cole slip his flask out and take a sip he thought was sneaky. A teacher caught him doing this, and the guys watched as Cole and his date were escorted from the gymnasium. They burst into laughter at their teammate having been caught

Sooner than everyone thought the dance was over. Castiel, Charlie, and Dorothy rejoined Dean. Kevin had found Lisa earlier and hadn't left her side. Dorothy reminded them all of her afterparty. 

Castiel walked with Dean to his car. “What did he say to you?” The blue eyed boy referred to the anger and hurt he'd seen in Dean's eyes earlier. 

Dean waited until they were in the car to answer. “He knew about dad,” he said shakily. He gripped the steering wheel tightly. “Dammit, I need a drink.” 

“Dean?” Castiel said softly. He put a gentle hand on the other boy's shoulder. “Please look at me.”

Dean slowly looked over at him with redness in his eyes. Castiel pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him. “Cas,” he choked out.

“I've got you, Dean,” Cas replied in a soft whisper. “You're never going to be hurt by him again.”

“I wish that were true for you.” A single tear slid down Dean's cheek. He pulled away and wiped his face. “We should get to the party.” 

“Dean, wait, we don't have to go,” Cas said. “Lucifer won't mind if we just hang out at the house.” He fidgeted in his seat. 

Dean smiled at him. “You're nervous. It's cute.” He leaned over for a quick kiss. Castiel deepened it a little. Dean let his tongue dance with the other's. He wasn't sure who made the soft moan that jolted them both from their moment. Dean stared at him with tenderness in his eyes. “I'm so lucky to have you, Cas.” 

Cas kissed him again. “I think I'm falling for you,” he whispered. “It's too fast, and it terrifies me.”

Dean gripped his hand. “We don't have to move so fast. I thought we were taking it slow.”

Castiel smiled. “We are. Let's go. Everyone will be looking for you soon.” He laced their fingers together. 


	15. Chapter 15

The party was in full swing when they arrived. Dean was almost immediately pulled to an area where drinks were being poured. He kept a tight hold on Castiel's hand, dragging him along with him. He sipped a drink and approved of the taste. “Here, try this. Tell me what you think,” he said handing Cas his cup. 

The drink was a red almost fruity flavored thing. Castiel sipped it. It stunned him with how strong it was. “Wow. That's, uh, not too bad. I usually drink whiskey with Lucifer.” He'd only had alcohol a couple times. 

Dean smirked. “My little bad boy?” He teased lightly. “Come on, I think Andy is here. He'll have something else we can try.” 

People bumped into them as they moved from room to room. Writhing bodies attempting to dance or have sex whichever it really was were moving to the beat of the music in each room. The kitchen didn't have music. It was much easier to have a conversation here. That's where they found Andy. 

“Hey, Andy, you got any this time?” Dean asked. 

“I had some last time too, but you didn't partake.” The strange boy noticed Castiel and his uneasiness. “What's with the ball of nerves there?” he nodded towards Cas. 

“Friend of mine. His first time smoking. Don't give me any of that laced shit. You save that for these other assholes,” he gestured with his head to the house. Dean felt a light touch on his arm. 

“Pot?” Cas asked quietly. 

Dean nodded. He silently pleaded for Cas to trust him. “It'll be fun. It'll wear off before you leave.”

“Dean, you know the drill,” Andy said. Dean handed over a $10. “Really? That's all you want?” Dean nodded to confirm. Andy handed over his purchase. “Come back if you like it, Dean's friend.”

Dean lead them to the backyard. Dorothy was known at school for big parties. No one really knew where the alcohol came from. It just showed up. Andy brought other recreational supplies. 

“You don't have to try this if you don't want to. I just thought it might be fun,” Dean said. “How bad can it affect you later? You're staying with Lucifer tonight still, right?” Dean lit the joint and took a drag. He offered it to Cas. 

Cas took the joint. “Yeah.” He put it to his lips and inhaled a small amount. He inhaled a second time, a bit more this time. He passed it back to Dean. He sighed and leaned against the siding of the house. “I wish I could tell my father where he could shove it and that I'm…” he trailed off. 

Dean passed it to him after taking a few hits. “That's a huge risk.” 

“I know. Maybe when I turn eighteen I'll be brave enough to stand up for myself.” Dean stared at him in wonder. “What?”

He shook his head. “Even stoned you're the smartest person ever,” he said with a smile. 

Castiel laughed. He giggled and couldn't stop. Then he laughed more when he couldn't stop. “Why...am I...laughing?” he struggled to breathe. 

Dean chuckled. “First time smoking pot, Cas. You got the giggles. Most people feel this way.”

Suddenly, Cas was over the giggles and standing close to Dean. “Did you?” 

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Try this.” He took a hit then leaned closer to Cas’ face. He blew the smoke into his open mouth. Cas held the smoke in for a moment. “Man, you're hot,” Dean whispered. 

“Tonight has been the best night. Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said. Several moments later, Cas was almost clawing at his throat. “Drink. Need a drink.” His mouth and throat were drier than he'd ever felt.  

Dean finished the joint and they went back inside to find drinks and snacks. Cas drank anything in sight. Dean watched over him. Benny saw what was happening. He brought over a snack for Cas. “First time?” 

“Yes,” Castiel answered. “It's relaxing, but now I'm starving and thirsty as the Sahara.” 

Benny and Dean laughed. “Cottonmouth and the munchies,” Benny said. “Come this way, kid.”

Dean let Benny take Cas to another room to stave off the after effects of weed. Dean found another drink and tossed it back. He was relaxed, but he wanted to forget about what Crowley had said. He drank without a care. Some part of him knew he needed to drive Cas home, but he didn't care. 

Benny let Cas lean on him after his fourth drink. “Okay, man, you gotta eat. You need to slow down on the drinks.” 

“Why? It's a party, right?” Cas grabbed another cup from somewhere. “Let's party!” 

“You're trashed. Come on, let's go find your friends.” Benny pulled him along. He stumbled and fell into Benny. “Geez, Winchester had to find a lightweight.”

“I've drank a lot more than the ones you saw,” the inebriated boy slurred. 

“I know.” Benny was almost to Dean when Gordon grabbed Cas by the back of the shirt. 

“What's this loser doing here?” he growled. Three other boys from the football team were with him. 

Lisa came up beside them. “Let's chat out back. What do you think, fellas?” She wore a dark expression. 

Castiel was dragged roughly by two of the guys whose names he didn't know. He recognized them from school, but he kept focused on his studies, not the students. Lisa shot him dirty glares. Castiel remained silent. He knew that nothing he said would help him now. He knew what was in store. This was the exact same way his father acted. 

“Look,” Lisa sneered. “He knows he doesn't belong here. He knows that Dean would never ask him to homecoming, not really. Dean's straight, you fag.”

Gordon punched him in the stomach. The two guys holding him tightened their grip. Castiel refused to speak. He refused to let them know he was scared. He glared at Lisa. 

“I bet you didn't even know this was practically a pity date. That's why I agreed to his whole going as a group plan.” She sneered. “Oh boys, you all owe me $20 each. You're not getting those blowjobs.” She laughed haughtily. “Dean only asked you to homecoming because Benny dared him to. I was smart enough to put money on it. I bet the boys he'd feel so bad for you he'd bring you to Dorothy's party.” 

The guys started to hit him again. They called him all kinds of slurs. One of them kicked his already bruised side, and he grunted in pain. He didn't want to show them how badly it hurt, but the inebriated state prevented his control. He cried out as they continued to hit and kick him. 

“Hey! Stop it!” A loud voice shouted. Benny came into his fuzzy vision. He shoved Gordon away from the injured boy.

“It was because of your stupid dare he's here in the first place!” shouted Lisa.

The other two boys dropped Cas on the ground. “Doesn't mean you should hurt him. He ain't done anything to you, Lisa,” Benny defended him. The others left them alone. Benny helped Cas up and took in his injuries. “You look rough, man. Let's go find Dean.”

“No, just...can you find Charlie? Or take me home?” Castiel asked defeated. “I don't want to see Dean.”

“Yeah, I think Charlie and Dor went upstairs. So I'll take you home. Let's get you to my truck.” Benny helped him and half carried him through the house. 

Dean saw them and moved toward them. Al tried to keep him from going over, but Dean yanked away. “Cas, what happened?”

Castiel gave him a stony look, but his face was wet. “Your stupid dare. Finish the fucking project on your own.” 

Benny gave Dean a sad look and helped the injured, drunk boy to his truck. Dean followed them. “Cas, please. Please let me explain.”

Cas breathed heavily. “Dean, don't. You can't. It was stupid of me to even come tonight.” He closed the door to Benny's truck. His heart had shattered so badly he just felt numb. He gave Dean one last hurt look before Benny drove away. He gave Benny Lucifer's address and didn't speak again. 


	16. Chapter 16

Lucifer opened the front door and saw an unfamiliar boy holding up his unconscious cousin. He held up Castiel's other side and the boy helped him bring in Cas. They laid him down on the couch. 

Lucifer took the boy to the kitchen. “What happened? Did Dean do this?” he tried to restrain the anger he felt, but he failed. 

“Dean didn't do this. He couldn't ever hurt him, not like that. My name is Benny. I found some of the guys I am friends...used to be friends with hitting and kicking him. Castiel hadn't done anything to these people.” Benny was clearly disgusted. “Here's the thing. Dean didn't bring him home because Castiel found out something pretty stupid. A friend of mine convinced me to get Dean to do something embarrassing. She said this would be the best thing. So I dared him to ask I'm guessing your brother to homecoming. It's so stupid. I can never say how sorry I am for this. Please tell him not to blame Dean. Blame me instead. It's my fault.”

Lucifer stayed silent for a moment. “Did Dean try to stop them?”

Benny shook his head. “He didn't know what was going on. I went looking for Castiel. He had been drinking with me and disappeared.”

Lucifer crossed his arms over his chest. “Why didn't Dean stay with him?” 

Benny shrugged. “It's a party, man. We all do stupid shit when we're drinking or smoking.” He nodded towards the other room. “Up until then, he looked like he was having the time of his life. He doesn't get out much.”

Lucifer shook his head. “How did you know to bring him here?”

“He told me before he passed out. He kept mumbling not to take him home.” Benny looked confused. “Is he going to be okay here?”

Lucifer nodded. “Here, yes. Home, that's a different story. Thank you, Benny. He may hate you after this.”

“I would deserve it,” Benny said solemnly. “Here's my number. Let me know he's okay?”

Lucifer nodded and let Benny out. He was grateful. The boy didn't have to help his cousin. Benny wasn't obligated to explain anything. Lucifer sat on the floor beside Cas. “Little angel, you have a nice friend.” 

Lucifer began to worry when Cas didn't wake up soon. He took him to the hospital. “Don't call his parents. Trust me, it's worse for him at home than he looks now,” he told the nurse. “I'm trying to get him out of there.”

She told him because Castiel was still a minor that by law she had to call his parents. Lucifer swore. “Can you break one rule for me? Please?” he pleaded with the nurse named Meg. 

“I'll call you when he's released,” she said sweetly. “You don't want to stay?”

“I can't. His father and I...he shouldn't even be around me. His friend Benny dropped him at my house,” he said sadly. “Promise me you'll look after him?” She promised. 

The next afternoon Lucifer got a call from an unknown number. “Hello?”

“Hey, hot stuff. Clarence has been released. Sweet kid, but I gotta say I'm a bit worried. His dad seems like a real piece of work. Clarence shut up, and his eyes were real scared when his dad showed up. Took them all morning to get there,” Meg said. 

Lucifer put his glass down. He'd been about to pour himself a drink. “You working now?” She told him no. “Wanna get a drink with me?” he asked. 

He met with Meg at a bar near the hospital. “So tell me about Clarence and why he's so important to you,” she started. “And don't skip any of the good stuff.” 

Lucifer was impressed by her. “Clarence, like the angel?” She smirked. “He's named after an angel. So am I. Lucifer. Cas is my cousin.”

They talked for a while and sipped drinks slowly. Lucifer gave a vague explanation of why he was concerned for Castiel. Meg understood. “We see this all the time in the ER. Clarence is definitely getting abused. But what really concerns me are the marks on his arms.”

Lucifer was confused. “The bruises were all over him.”

Meg gave him a sad look. “It wasn't bruises.”


	17. Chapter 17

Castiel hadn't left his room since he got home from the hospital. He resented Lucifer for having taken him, but he knew it was necessary. He had two broken ribs and a concussion. 

He preferred that kind of pain to what he felt inside. He was shattered. He remembered what he heard at the party. Dean hadn't denied it. He hadn't told him that his feelings were real. He had lied. 

Cas sat on the floor beside his bed. He took out the item he'd hidden several weeks before Dean had spoken to him. Turning the small metal blade over in his hand, he contemplated using it. He saw a message from Dean show up on his phone. Angry tears burned a hot trail down his cheeks. He felt more alone than he ever had. 

Charlie hadn't texted him yet. He hoped she didn't know anything. He hoped that he could pretend everything was normal. He was done with anything to do with Dean. 

He slid the metal across his wrist and relished the pain. The physical pain was far better than anything else. He looked forward to the irrational beatings from his father. He knew how to handle them. 

He went to school and gave Dean the coldest of shoulders. When Charlie asked about it, he told her he wasn't interested in him. “He just looks so crushed,” she remarked. Dorothy had begun sitting with them at lunch. Dean sat alone, away from anyone he had called a friend.  

A couple of times a week, Cas would skip lunch. He told his friends it was for homework. He didn't tell them it was so he could hide in the old theater room and deal with his pain the best way he knew how. 

This went on for several weeks. He began to visit Lucifer more, and he talked back to his father a few times. His father beat him more frequently and sometimes got even worse with the beatings. 

“You don't even have a reason to hit me,” Cas said to him one day. “You just do it because I'll take it.”

“I do it so you'll be tough. That shit you pulled with being in the hospital was pathetic. You should have been able to handle it better and come home instead.” His father attacked him viciously that night. 

He limped into school the next day. He couldn't move fast enough to escape Dean's notice. Charlie wrapped an arm around him and lead him away. “Cas, I talked to Dorothy. She told me what she found out about the party. Dean doesn't deserve your time if that is true,” she said firmly. “You deserve better.”

Cas stared at his best friend as if seeing her for the first time in weeks. His eyes watered. Charlie wrapped her arms around him. “Come on. Let's go. We're not going to class,” she whispered in his ear. 

************

“Mom, I really fucked up,” Dean admitted. 

“Language, boy. Now, why has it taken me over a month to get this out of you, sweetheart?” Missouri asked Dean. 

“I wanted to fix it.” Dean shed a tear. “I messed up with Cas. He won't speak to me.”

“Sweetie, he's been through a lot. Maybe he needs space. You needed space after you came to live here,” she said kindly avoiding the reason he lived with her. 

Dean made eye contact with her. “I never told him what dad did. Do you...do you think he would believe I really liked him if I had told him?” he asked. He tried to keep the tremor from his voice. 

“Baby, I don't know what's going on in his head, but I do know what I've seen. You love that boy. He loved you. He didn't know it yet, but he was getting there. What I saw was a boy that was hurting on a deeper level than the nasty bruises he wore.” She gave him a knowing look. 

Dean understood. “Cas was what got me through. Cas and you,” he admitted. “No one else knows. I just...I can't.” 

“Then be there for him. He doesn't want you near? Fine, you watch and keep him safe from a distance.” Missouri smiled softly. “I know you refused last time, but would you like me to find you a therapist? Not talking about it is not healthy, honey. Taking that step will show you that you are worth the love I give you and the love that you will one day find for yourself.” 

Dean broke down into tears and accepted her offer. “I love you, mom,” he said through his tears. “I don't even know when his birthday is.”

Missouri smiled slyly. “Friday next.” Dean gave her a curious look. “I'm the school nurse. I have access to records.”


	18. Chapter 18

On the day of Castiel's birthday, Dean left a small gift in Cas’ locker early that morning before school started. He didn't sign it so the boy would at least accept being celebrated. Later, he left another small gift and from a distance watched as Cas tried to figure out who gave it to him. Dean concealed himself so he wasn't seen by the birthday boy. 

For the first gift, he'd given Cas a book from his own bookshelf. He'd seen Cas admiring it. The second gift was a gift card to a shop Cas had mentioned he liked during a conversation they'd had once. 

After school, leaving a gift in secret was much harder. He left a gift on the porch of his house. He walked away quickly as he'd parked up the street so as not to be heard. He watched Cas pick up the brightly wrapped box with a curious look then carry it inside. 

Dean was tempted to text him. But Cas had never told him when his birthday was. He made sure the door was closed before he drove away. 

***********

Castiel was quite confused. He received three mysterious gifts from an anonymous source for his birthday. The first gift was a book. He asked Charlie if she gave it to him. Kevin also denied having even known when his birthday was. 

“You never told us and we've been friends for years, Cas,” Charlie defended herself. “Happy birthday.” 

“We should take you out after school,” Dorothy suggested. “Treat you to cake or ice cream or something.”

Castiel had blushed. “No, I don't celebrate my birthday.”

“Why not?” Dor asked. Since sitting with them, more questions had been asked of Cas. She had no qualms about pressing him for answers. 

Cas ducked his head. “My twin died when I was born,” he said quietly. Dorothy stopped pressing for answers after that. 

The second gift confused Castiel. He wondered who knew that he loved the shop the gift card was for. He called Lucifer to ask if he knew anything about it. Luci was just as clueless.  

A large, brightly colored package sat on his porch waiting for him when he got home. He'd taken his friends’ offer of ice cream and arrived home later than usual. He picked the box up and looked up and down the street. He didn't see anyone. 

Once inside his room, he opened the box. There was a letter inside the box with his name on it. He pulled out the letter. 

_ Castiel,  _

_ I hope these gifts brighten your special day. I hope you like them. I knew if you knew that I left them for you that you would reject them. I'd do the same.  _

_ I want to apologize for hurting you the way I did. I'd do it in person, but you hate me right now. I deserve it.  _

_ Please keep your gifts. They're yours. You  _ do _ deserve to be treated like you're the most important person in the world. I'm sorry I destroyed my chance to show you that.  _

_ If you ever find it in your beautiful heart to forgive me, I would grateful. I know you'd probably never give me another chance at your heart. I really don't deserve it. I'd take just being able to be friends with you.  _

_ I should have told you...so many things. But mostly I should have told you how I felt about you. You have my heart, Cas.  _

The letter wasn't signed, but he knew it was from Dean. Tears ran down his face silently. “Yeah, a lot of things you should've said. Like dating me was a pity thing,” he grumbled at the letter and left the rest of box untouched. 

He sniffled and curled up on his bed. His heart felt the pain as if it were fresh. He crawled out of bed and grabbed his new favorite thing and went to his bathroom. New lines cleared his head of the misery. 

He heard the front door slam indicating his father was home. He expected this. Every year for his birthday, he took an extra hard beating for being the reason his twin brother was dead. Just as expected, his father came up to his room. 

Zachariah worse a puzzled expression. “Who gave you the box? Not that queer girl?” he demanded to know. 

“Father, it wasn't her. It was someone I cared about.” Castiel decided it was now or never. “Father, why do hate gay people so much?”

Zachariah looked like he'd been burned by the question. “It's an abomination, Castiel. You'll do well to stay away from disgusting people like them,” he reprimanded. 

Castiel stood and braced himself. “Would you really say that about me?” he asked. 

Zachariah sneered. “What the hell are you telling me, you worthless boy?”

Castiel trembled slightly. “Father, I'm gay.” 

His father was visibly seething in anger at his statement. “You pathetic piece of trash!” 

He slapped Cas across the face so hard the boy fell. Before the teen could recover, he was struck again across the back of the head this time. He fell to the floor. Castiel tried to get up, but his vision was blurry. His father kicked him in his not quite healed ribs. The teenager felt the ribs break again and cried out. He lifted an arm to try and shield himself, but the next blow struck it hard. He recoiled and made himself as small as he could. Zachariah kept beating him. 

“I won't have some fairy living under my roof. Get your things and get out of my house! Fucking queer. You never were a decent son. Now I know why you couldn't do anything right. Leave the car. It's not yours,” he spat. He kicked Cas a couple more times before he ran out of steam. “You better be gone before I get back.”

Castiel collapsed on the floor when he father shut the door so hard it rattled. He groaned and tears poured from his eyes. He was being tossed from his home. He found his phone and called Lucifer. 

“Cas?” Lucifer’s voice came across the connection. 

Cas sniffled. “I need you to come get me.” 

“Come over and we'll talk. You know Zachariah won't allow me over,” he replied.

Castiel gripped the phone and noticed blood on his hands. His wrists had been reopened during the beating. “Luci, I'm not allowed here either,” he said softly. “Please.” 

“I'm on my way.” Castiel told him the door was unlocked. His father never locked the door, and Cas was sure he didn't know how to. 

Lucifer arrived ten minutes later. He found Castiel crying, bleeding, and generally broken on the floor. He cleaned him up a little, just enough to stop the bleeding. “You're moving in with me.” Lucifer began packing Cas’ things. 

“The box,” Cas whispered. He pulled his birthday present to him and looked inside it. There was a nice, long, tan trench coat with a note that said “made me think of you.” He put the coat back in the box. “The book too.” 

Lucifer packed things in a duffel bag he found. “Cas, we'll get you more clothes. Get anything else you want to take.” He stood in the doorway protectively. “Are you done, little angel?”

Cas nodded. He had two bags and the box that had the new coat in it full of clothes and school things. He had no pictures to take with him. “Do you think he'll hurt Hannah?” He looked back at his sister's room. She wasn't home again. 

“No, he knows he wouldn't get away with it. Naomi wouldn't let him. They're not your family, not really. You'll understand someday,” he said hauling the two bags to his car. 

“No, they're not. They've never given a damn about anyone, not even each other,” he said dejectedly. 


	19. Chapter 19

Castiel decided not to tell his friends about being kicked out of his house. Dorothy could sense he was hiding something. She mentioned her concern to Charlie who observed her best friend and agreed with her girlfriend. Cas was keeping secrets again. 

Charlie slipped up beside him quietly after school one day. “You ever going to trust me, Cas? Like really trust me?” she asked. 

“I do trust you. There's just stuff I don't know how to talk about,” he told her. “I'm sorry.”

He turned to leave and she grabbed his arm by his wrist. “Then tell me about this,” she demanded. “Cas, please.”

Castiel broke under her gaze. “It helps the pain,” he whispered. 

“Is your dad causing this?” she asked. 

Castiel shrugged. “He's part of it. Dean's part of it. Mostly it's just me.” 

“Why?” she replied softly. 

“Go be with Dorothy. She's waiting on you,” he changed the subject. He saw her girlfriend waiting down the hall. “I'm happy for you, Charlie.” 

Charlie went to Dor. She almost collapsed in the girl's arms in tears. “It's bad, Dor,” she sobbed. “So bad.” She clung to the other girl. “Did Dean mean to hurt him? Did he do it on purpose?”

Dorothy took a deep breath. “I don't think he wanted to ever hurt him. Babe, let's go talk to Dean. Maybe he knows how we can help our Cas.” She kissed the top of her head softly. 

“Dean won't talk to me. How do we get him to do this?” Charlie had never been more unsure of herself. 

“I think I might know,” Dorothy said. 

Nurse Moseley was in her office still even though school was over. “Can I help you ladies?” she asked without turning around to see who walked in her door. 

Charlie was taken aback by the seeming other sense. Dorothy was unfazed. “Nurse Missouri, we have a friend who is hurting himself, and we think Dean can help. But Dean isn't going to want to talk to us. Do you know how we could talk to him?” Dorothy asked. 

“Castiel is hurting himself?” she asked knowingly. The girls confirmed it. “Give me a second.” She stepped away for a moment and made a call on her cell. “There are two young ladies in my station here to see you. I don't care what you're doing, Dean Winchester. You get your rear end over here now.”

Two minutes later Dean stepped into the office with his head hung. He saw Charlie and Dorothy and nearly ran out the door. “What the hell is going on? No, I can't be involved in this. He hates me enough as it is.” Dean tried to leave. 

“Boy, stay.” Missouri was firm. “Listen to what these girls need to say to you.”

Dean realized how upset Charlie was. “He's hurting himself,” she whispered brokenly. 

Fear and shock were evident in his eyes. “He's what?” Dean's voice cracked. 

Charlie moved closer. “I grabbed his wrist today, and there were fresh cuts. Do you know any way we can help him?” Tears leaked from her eyes. “He's hurting so badly, but he won't talk to any of us.”

Dean glanced away. “He won't speak to me. He hates me.” Dean sighed. “Lucifer is your best bet. He'll talk to Lucifer.”

Charlie hugged him. “He still likes you,” she whispered in his ear. “I can tell.” Dean left the room without another word. 

***********

Dean went to the bathroom to try and pull himself together. “Dammit,” he muttered to himself. “Should have told him everything. Maybe then…” His eyes landed on something dark in a puddle on the floor of one of the stalls. 

He jimmied the door open. “Cas!” he cried out. The boy was lying in a pool of his own blood. Dean knew this was too much blood. “No, no, no, no, no. Cas, please!” He pulled out his phone and dialed 911. “I'm at the high school. Boy's bathroom on the first floor just by the nurse's station. My friend is passed out and there's so much blood. He cut his wrists. Please save him.” He did as they instructed and checked his pulse which was weak. 

Paramedics burst through the door, but Dean was unaware of the time. He was trying to stop the bleeding. “Please help him,” he begged. 

They loaded Castiel onto a gurney. “He needs a transfusion. You know his blood type?”

“No, but I'm a universal donor,” he said holding out his arms. He begged them with his eyes. 

“Come on, kid, let's get you hooked up,” the medic said calmly. He worked quickly sticking Dean with a needle and transfusion tube. He stuck the other end in Cas’ arm. “What's his name?”

“Castiel Novak,” he said. “Don't call his father. Please. He's eighteen. If you have to call family, call his cousin, Lucifer.” 

“We'll tell the hospital,” the medic reassured him. “I need to you try to relax and sit here. He's lost a lot of blood. Are you willing to give as much as is allowed?” 

“Whatever it takes to save him,” Dean said. He pulled back his tears.

The paramedics got Cas to the hospital quickly. A dark haired nurse ran up to the gurney. “Clarence,” she gasped. She began getting the information she needed. 

“Nurse?” Dean got her attention. “Don't call his father,” he pleaded softly. He was already weak from the transfusion. 

“How much has he given?” she turned her attention to the paramedics. They told her. “Hey, I need you to come with me. You're going to stay hooked up to him for a couple more minutes, but I need you to raise your arm up. Hold it here.” She positioned his arm. 

Dean followed her instructions. “Is he going to be okay?” he asked, scared. 

Her brown eyes were soft. “I hope so. He’s a sweet kid,” she replied. 

“If...when he wakes up, don't tell him it was me that found him. Don't say anything about me.” Dean couldn't look at him. He felt his heart breaking each time he did. “He deserves so much better,” he whispered. 

“Let me get him hooked up to another transfusion. Then we can take you off. Once I feel that you're okay, you'll be released. Who should we call? Your information shows you're an emancipated minor,” she said. 

Dean shook his head. “I...I don't remember giving my information.” 

“Dean, it's okay. This is a pretty traumatic incident. You were probably just in a shocked stated so badly you were on autopilot. I'm going to call Clarence's cousin. Do you want me to call anyone for you?”

Dean realized what she was saying. “Lucifer? You know Lucifer?” Dean paused. “Yeah, my mom, Missouri Moseley.”


	20. Chapter 20

A soft knock disrupted the silence with the exception of the steady beeping. Dean lifted his head wearily. He'd been allowed to stay in Castiel's room. Missouri came into his sight. 

He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her. He broke into tears. “They won't tell me anything,” he spoke quietly. “Meg, the nurse, was supposed to call his cousin.”

“She did. She's talking to him now.” She touched his face. “Don't blame yourself, baby. This boy had a lot going on.” 

Dean nodded. He looked back at the unconscious form of the boy he loved. “I keep thinking if I had only told him more this wouldn't have happened.” He looked back at the dark skinned, brown eyed woman. “Is the offer of a therapist still available?” She nodded. “Make the call, please.”

Lucifer walked in the room and frowned. “I ought to kick your ass for what you did to him, but Meg tells me you're the only reason he's alive right now.”

Dean's head and shoulders dropped. “I'll leave.” He cast one last longing look at Castiel. “I'm sorry, Cas,” he whispered. Dean left the room. 

Missouri lingered a moment. “Dean saved his life, but he's the reason my cousin is here in the first place,” Lucifer said. 

Missouri shook her head. “You won't blame my boy. He's the reason your cousin was trying to live his own life before that party. You can have the doctor require him to check in with me every day at school. Until I feel he won't try this again, he can check in at my nurse's station.” She gave Lucifer a look that dared him to challenge her. “My boy made a mistake. He's been trying to correct it.” 

“Lu?” came the dry cracked voice of Castiel. Missouri showed herself out quietly. 

“Hey, little angel, you gave me a bad scare,” Lucifer said. 

Castiel was understandably disoriented. “Where am I?”

“The hospital. What do you remember?” Meg had told him what to say when he woke. 

“It was dark and cold. No, I was dark,” he licked his lips. Lucifer gave him some water. “I couldn't feel. It was nice not to feel.” 

“Cassie, you almost died,” he struggled to say. 

Castiel frowned. “Oh.” He sounded disappointed. 

“You wanted to die?” Lucifer realized. Cas didn't deny it. He pinched his nose. “Dammit.”

Castiel looked a little surprised. “What's it matter to you? I'm just a fucking burden to you.” 

“If you really think that, then I'm glad they're forcing you into treatment,” he said. “Meg,” he called. “You were right, babe,” he told the nurse. 

Meg approached the bed. “You had us all worried, Clarence. Even scared me coming in on that stretcher covered in blood.” She smiled. “The person who found you asked me not to tell you who saved your life.” She laughed. “You've got a lot of people who care for you.”

“Yeah, right,” he scoffed. 

“Oh? Then tell me why the person said you deserve better? Why did Lucifer drop everything and come here? Why did you do this, Castiel?” She asked softly. She sat on the edge of the bed beside him. 

Cas didn't want to look at her. “So I didn't have to feel anything. It was all too much,” he said. “I just needed it to stop.”

Lucifer stepped closer. “Why didn't you talk to me about any of this?”

“And be more of a burden to you? No thanks. It's bad enough you're stuck with me living in your spare room. I don't want to be a burden,” he said. He met his cousin's gaze. “My friends don't need to worry about me. They'll do better without me. Kevin will be top of the class and not me.”

“Is it finals week? Christmas is soon,” Lucifer remarked. He shared a look with Meg who returned it with a small shrug. 

“I took my last final already,” he said. He saw his phone on the bedside table. “You should probably call Charlie. She and Dorothy might kick my ass.” He handed the phone to Lucifer. “Lock code is 0401.” 

Lucifer hesitated. “When they get here, you should tell them that you're getting therapy. After you go back to school, I want you to go by the nurse's station and check in every day. I'll talk to the nurse.” He gripped the phone tightly and walked out to make the calls. 

Meg was left sitting with him. “He's worried about you because he loves you, Clarence.” She checked his vitals again. “You'll be here on suicide watch for three days. Mandatory state law. Then from there, it's recommended that you do either inpatient or outpatient therapy. Outpatient allows you to still have your life, school, friends, Christmas.” She shrugged. “But honestly, inpatient might be better for you. Fewer temptations to self mutilate, less access.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I don't need a shrink or basically rehab.”

She laughed. “You have no idea how close to dying you were. If it hadn't been for your….the person who saved you performing CPR and trying to stop the bleeding, you would have died a minute later.”

Castiel was quiet. “Why couldn't they just let me go?” 

“Clarence, I want you try and think about the people who love you. We'd all miss you,” she said. “You don't see what we do, but I'm hoping that eventually you do.”


	21. Chapter 21

Dean debated on it for hours. He finally decided to do it. He texted Cas. 

**Dean:** I know you don't want to hear from me. I talked to Mr. Shurley. He's only grading the project for me. I told him vaguely about your hospital visits. I heard about another one. He's exempted you from that project. I really hope you're okay.  

“Dean, it's time to go, sweetheart,” Missouri called. 

A short car ride later, he was sitting in a chair in what was posted as a therapist’s office, but it felt more cozy and inviting. Dean glanced around and saw some lit candles. He noticed small items that were similar to some Missouri owned. She'd told him they were to encourage peace and comfort. 

Dean's name was called and he was taken back to see the therapist. The rest of the place was decorated similarly to the waiting area. He was shown to an office. There were only two chairs in it. A dark haired woman in jeans and a rock band t-shirt came through the door on the other side of the office. “I'm Doctor Pamela Barnes. You can call me Pam or Dr. Pam whichever you feel more comfortable with,” she introduced herself. 

“I'm Dean,” he said nervously. 

She smiled easily. “You were recommended to me by a prosecutor in an ongoing court case. However, since you're an emancipated minor, you had to want to come. You didn't have a parent to enforce it.”

“My mom suggested I get therapy,” he said almost defensively. 

The lady looked confused. “I see here that you haven't had contact with your mother since your parents divorced. What do you mean?”

Dean felt uncomfortable. “Mary isn't my mom. My mom loves me. Missouri Moseley is my mom.” He was adamant. 

“Do you think Mary doesn't love you?” she asked. Dean nodded. “Why is that?”

“She left. She took Sammy but not me. She left me with dad...with a monster,” he added quietly. He crossed his arms over his chest. 

Pam leaned forward in her chair a little. “Dad's a monster because of what you told the cops?”

Dean looked away. His eyes locked on the small angel statue on the other side of the room. He wasn't talking. He knew he needed to. How could he ever tell Cas if he couldn't tell someone who legally had to keep her mouth shut?

“Why did you decide to come see me?” she asked realizing he was not going to answer the other question. 

“Because I fucked up. Someone almost died because I fucked up,” Dean admitted. His eyes watered. 

“Did you do anything to this person to hurt them?” she asked. “I have to ask that.”

Dean felt like he'd been slapped. “No, I'd never hurt him like that. I messed up and broke his heart. He didn't deserve it.” His hands rested on the arms of the chair shakily. 

Pam seemed to notice but not say anything. “But you regret breaking his heart. How did he almost die?”

“Suicide attempt,” Dean closed his eyes and saw the bathroom with the blood and Cas on the floor. “He slit his wrists because of me.” Dean let a few tears go. 

“Tell me about him,” she requested. 

Dean told her about Cas being abused. He told her how much he came out of his shell when they were together. “He's been distant with his friends.” Dean told her about the birthday presents. 

“You've really gone out of your way to prove to him you care,” she noted. “Have you been able to tell him what happened to you?” Dean shook his head shamefully. She nodded. “That's why you're really here.”

“Can you help me?” he asked. 

She leaned back in her chair. “We have half an hour left of our session for today. If you can manage to tell me one thing specifically about the night in the police report, I'd say in two or three sessions you'll be able to tell your friend about it. It won't get easier to talk about, but you'll be able to,” she advised.

Dean closed his eyes and tried to reopen the mental box he'd shoved those memories in. “Dad...John started doing it when I was twelve.”

Pamela made a note on her pad. “Do you mind if I share what you tell me about this with the prosecutor and defense attorneys? If I tell one I have to tell the other.” 

“Do you think it will help?” he asked. “Yeah, if you think it will help.”

“Alright,” she made note of his verbal permission. “What else would you like to tell me about John?”

Dean thought for a moment. “He was angry or drunk or both all the time. He never said anything nice to me. I know it's not my fault that Mary left him, but he blamed me. How could a four year old be responsible?” He let the rhetorical question fall. “He never really hit me much like most abusive parents do, like Cas’ dad.” He clenched his fists. “Fucker does so much to him.” He met her gaze with teary eyes. 

“Is Cas your friend? The one you're worried about?” She prompted. 

Dean nodded. “My da...John never liked that I was into boys. When he found out, he went ballistic.”  

“Did he hurt you that time?” Pam noted his physical reactions as well. He had been trying not to tremble. 

Dean pulled his legs up into the chair. “The first time I was so scared. I thought he was going to kill me.” His voice trembled and he took a shaky breath. “My football coach had caught me blowing another boy. I had been curious and Aaron had come out to me a little bit before that.”

“I had talked to him about it. Aaron had said we could see where things went and if I liked it then I knew what I wanted.” Tears ran down his face. “He was really sweet. My coach called John and told him. Aaron had to be transferred to a different school because John kept threatening him. But that night he took me home was the first time he…” He started breathing harder. “He pulled my pants down,” he choked out.

“Dean, I need you to breathe with me.” The therapist controlled her breathing and made him focus on her. 

His breathing slowed the more he followed her breaths. When he could breathe easily again, he started to speak. “John pulled down my pants and told me he'd teach me how to be a real man. He...pushed me against a wall,” his voice broke and he closed his eyes. He went back to that first time in his mind. 

He could feel the hot tears leak from his shut eyes. “I screamed for help. He covered my mouth, but I kept screaming. He said ‘A warm hole is a warm hole. No one is really gay.’ That's when I felt him inside me. I screamed in pain. It hurt s-so b-bad,” he gasped as he could no longer breathe again. 

Pam came near and touched his hand. He screamed and leapt back. “Dean, Dean, it's okay. You're safe here. You're safe,” she said soothingly. “I need you to focus on my voice and breathe. In. Out. In. Out.” 

Dean slowly controlled his breathing again. Pamela didn't remove her hand. “Dean, I need you to tell me if you ever get like this where you can't breathe.”

“It used to happen right after that first time, but since the night he...it's happened more. When I saw Cas bleeding out on the floor, I went numb and blanked out. I didn't freak out like I did here. I thought I was going to die just seeing him like that,” he admitted. “I had another freak out when I got home that day. Mom hasn't seen me like this. But when I thought about how I found him, I couldn't breathe.”

“Okay, I'm going to recommend medication. Since you're an adult in the eyes of the law, you can refuse this as a treatment method. But honestly, I think you need it,” she said kindly. “I'll answer any questions you have about it.”


	22. Chapter 22

Castiel refused to talk. His state mandated therapist sat across from him. “This is the third session where you've sat in silence. I can't release you from the hospital’s care until I can assess you.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You mean until you can label me as mentally unstable. You're just not allowed to say that.”

The doctor raised an eyebrow. “Interesting. He speaks.” She made a note. 

Castiel scoffed. “Taking notes? I haven't said anything.”

She shrugged. “On the contrary. The resentment with which you speak to me speaks volumes. The disdain you have for being here shows you have the will to live, but you lack motivation,” she stated. She was a clean cut, sharply dressed woman who appeared to be stern. “You also seem to have an issue with strong women.”

Castiel snorted in derision. “Okay,” he said sarcastically. “You don't know anything.” 

She smiled. “Castiel James Novak, eighteen. Twin brother died at birth. Medical records indicate either really bad bullies or abuse. My guess is abuse based on your attitude towards authority figures. Since being admitted to my ward, you've attempted to steal sharp objects with which you could injure yourself again. This shows me you have no appreciation for the person who saved your life by participating in a live blood transfusion.” She folded her hands neatly. “What was it I don't know?”

Castiel scowled. “You've got a piss poor bedside manner. I want a different therapist,” he demanded. 

“If we are able to find an available therapist, will you actually talk to them?” she questioned. He didn't reply. “I thought so.”

“Get the fuck out,” he demanded. 

The doctor pinned him with a hard glare. “No. I cleared my schedule.” She softened her gaze. “You really don't get that I want you to get better so you can leave this place.”

He frowned. “I hate whoever saved me. They were wasting their time and blood.” 

“Would you prefer it if I just observed and you spoke to someone you know?” she offered. 

Castiel considered the offer. “Meg.” It was a concession. “But you can't be in the room.” 

“We'll need to record it then,” she said. “I'll come in after at some point and speak to you.”

“Whatever,” he muttered. He was just glad to be getting rid of her. 

An hour later Meg came in. “That bitch doctor send you to see if you can get me to talk?”

Meg gave him a noncommittal shrug. “Why won't you?”

Castiel was more at ease with Meg. He huffed. “Stupid doctor acts just like my fucking mother.” He sat cross legged on his bed. “Oh, wait, she and father kicked me to the curb.”

“Did you ask for a different therapist?” She asked. 

Castiel nodded. “She said because I won't talk to her she doesn't think I'll talk to anyone. Not true. It's just none of her damn business.” 

Meg sat on the bed across from him. “Clarence, you gotta talk to someone. Do you want it to be me? I'll come down here every day.”

Castiel picked at the blanket. “Don't waste your time on me. You should be doing stuff you like, dating my cousin.”

She smirked. “You noticed that? He is cute. But I told him not while you're here. He'd ask questions I can't answer.” 

Cas looked up. “Did you tell him you like him?” he was curious. 

“Not yet, he hasn't told me either, but with the way he flirts I know he does,” she said with a smile. “But this isn't about me and Lucifer, is it?”

Castiel felt raw for the first time since he arrived at the hospital. “No,” he whispered. “His name is Dean.” He eyes watered. 

“You like this boy?” she kept her voice soft. 

“I did. I do. I don't know.” He blinked hard. “I found out he only asked me to the homecoming dance because of a bet. I was so stupid to fall for it.” A tear snaked its way towards his shirt.

Meg leaned forward and wiped his tear away. “Homecoming was a while ago. Has he apologized?” He shrugged. “What do you mean?” He looked away. “You shut him out. Clarence, you can't shut the world out. But that's not the only thing on your mind.”

Cas looked at her in surprise. “How do you know?”

“The first time you were brought in, Lucifer asked that we not tell your father. So when he got here, I watched him. He's a right nasty piece of work. You were so scared of him.” Meg had tears in her eyes. “When you came in on that gurney, I thought for a minute he had killed you. But I saw the face of the person with you. I knew it hadn't been your father this time.”

Tears streamed silently down his face. “You knew all this?” he whispered brokenly. 

Meg nodded. “I see a lot here. Some really bad, some good. But what I saw that day was a boy hurting so badly he'd rather end it all. My heart broke for you, Clarence. The person who came in with you asked me not to tell you who they were. But they wouldn't leave your side until they had to,” she said. She grabbed his hand and held it. “You are loved, Clarence. Maybe not by the people who are supposed to love you, but you have people who do. Luci told me you're living with him now.” 

He tried to smile but his face wasn't committed. “Yeah, my father kicked me out because I told him I'm gay. Well, he beat me one last time then told me to get out. I called Lucifer,” he explained. He scratched his arms near his bandages. “Is it wrong to be like this? Gay?” he took a shaky breath. 

Meg leaned over and pulled him in for a hug. “No, Clarence. It's wrong to hate anyone who just wants to find someone to love. It's not wrong to be yourself.” He wrapped his arms around her and sobbed. “It's okay, Cas.” She ran her finger through his hair. “Lucifer and I love you for who you are. Your mystery savior does too.”

Cas sat up and wiped his eyes. “Who was it?” he sniffled. “Please, Meg.” 

She pushed his hair from his face. “Promise me you won't be mad at this person. Promise me you won't try to do this again.” She touched his bandages gently. “Castiel?”

He grimaced and then conceded. “I can't promise I won't be mad, but I promise not to do this again,” he promised. “Who saved me?”

Meg wrapped her arms around him. “Dean found you. He made the 911 call. My EMT friend said that Dean demanded that they do whatever it took to save you. He did the blood transfusion and was nearly unconscious when they brought you both in. Clarence, if that doesn't show you how much he cares about you, I don't know what will.”

“He did all that? For me?” Castiel was shocked. “Why didn't he protect me at the homecoming party when his friends beat me up and sent me here the first time?” He was visibly hurting. “Why couldn't he tell me how he felt?” 

Meg patted his hair. “Did you know he's an emancipated minor?” It sounded like a subject change, but Castiel wasn't sure why. He shook his head. “Do you know what it takes to become emancipated?”

“His father was arrested for hurting him. His mother isn't allowed to contact him until he's eighteen,” he said. Meg pulled away to give him a questioning look. “He told me when we would talk. Meg, thank you.” He hugged her tightly. 

“I'm here any time, Clarence. Lucifer has my number.” She kissed his cheek. “Now, I know the doctor has to review what we talked about before you can be transferred to outpatient. But I really want you to have a good outpatient therapist you can and will talk to. Don't come back here as a patient, Clarence.” She hugged him.


	23. Chapter 23

School started for the new semester. Charlie, Kevin, and Dorothy had all visited Cas at his cousin's home. Lucifer had told the girls what happened. They cried and hugged Cas as soon as they saw him. “Don't do that to us. We love you,” Charlie said through her tears. 

“I don't want to be the smartest kid in school that badly, Cas,” Kevin said. “We missed getting to hang out with you.” 

“How about a good old fashioned movie night?” Cas suggested. “We can do it here. I already asked Lucifer.”

He told them what happened on his birthday. “You should have told us!” Charlie screeched. “That homophobic bastard.” She gasped. “I have a fantastic idea! We should put LGBT propaganda and displays all over his yard.”

They all laughed so hard at the idea. Lucifer walked in with them rolling on the floor. They told him through endless giggles their idea. Lucifer smirked. “Let me see what my buddy that owns an adult store can do.”

The next night they made sure the cars were gone at the Novak residence. They littered the lawn with LGBT propaganda and placed blow up penises in rainbow colors all over the yard. Vagina hats were thrown all over the front porch. The girls posted pictures of same sex couples kissing all over the door. Charlie set up a camera with a live feed to her computer so they could see the result of their work. 

They watched Zachariah freak out and get angry. He punched one of the phallic balloons, and it swung back up and smacked him in the face. Hannah was with him. 

“Oh, no. Hannah, don't pick up the condoms,” Castiel said. She screamed when picked one up. “I think we just scarred my ten year old sister.” He chuckled. “I should feel bad about that, but I don't.”

Zachariah called the cops, and the sheriff came out to the house. Charlie laughed so hard she was crying. They watched the cops take the vandalism report down and leave. Charlie received a text shortly after. 

**Aunt Jody:** Very funny young lady. You owe me an explanation. 

Castiel blanched when she read the text out loud. “We won't get in trouble for this, will we?”

Charlie rolled her eyes. She called her aunt. “Kid, you really did a number on that jerk. Motive?” came the voice of her aunt. 

“Remember when I called you about my friend that lived there? That was his father. That homophobic asshole,” she said angrily. 

“Sheriff, my name is Castiel Novak,” the boy spoke up. He told the sheriff how his father had kicked him out of his home for being gay. “This was our form of payback.” 

With the help of Meg and his friends, Cas was finding it easier to talk about the hard stuff. He participated in therapy twice a week which also helped. He talked to Lucifer some too. 

“Do you think I should talk to Dean?” Castiel asked Lucifer during dinner one night. 

Lucifer paused. “Do you think you're ready for that?” He was evidently concerned. 

Castiel stared at his plate. “I won't know if I don't try. I've promised you and Meg that I won't try to do that again,” he said awkwardly trying to avoid the words “suicide attempt.” 

“Just let me know if you're going to be out late. I'd rather not worry.  And wear a coat. It's supposed to be cold,” he smiled. They finished dinner with a lighter conversation. 

Castiel walked up to the house. He looked at the front door nervously. Never before had this quaint little house appeared so intimidating. 

“Dean, go get the door,” Missouri called just before there was a knock on the door. 

“You've got to tell me how you do that,” he said with a smile. “Did you order pizza or something?” He opened the door. “Cas,” he gasped. His breathing increased in speed but he was aware enough to know he wasn't having a panic attack. “Are you really here?” he asked in barely a whisper. 

“Hello, Dean, can we...can we talk?” he asked. He fidgeted nervously with his trench coat. 

“Do you...you want to come inside?” Dean seemed nervous too. 

Cas nodded and followed Dean. Missouri announced she was going out with a friend. “If you boys get hungry, Dean, call Louie's pizza. Henry knows what to do.” 

An uneasy silence settled over the living room where the boys sat. “Did you walk here?” Dean asked. He hadn't seen his car.

“Yes, father kept the car after he kicked me out,” he replied. “I know you saved my life. Don't blame Meg,” he pleaded when he saw Dean start to try and say something. “I made her tell me.”

Dean understood. “Are you mad?”

“No, just confused,” he admitted. “Why did you do it?”

Dean leaned on his progress in therapy with Pam. He knew this would be a big talking point in their next session. “I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. I know we're not together, but for a short time you were my best friend. And I fucked up.” Dean's eyes welled. “Dorothy won't talk to me either. She said it wasn't because of the bet or dare or whatever you want to call it. She said it was because I didn't have the balls to tell you how I felt and damn the consequences.” 

Castiel closed his eyes. “What consequences? Your father is in jail. He can't hurt you. No one's going to hurt you,” he argued. He knew it was petty, but he felt jealous that Dean's father had been arrested. 

“It doesn't really matter now.” Dean put his wall back up with the anger that vibrated off of Cas. “Sorry, I'm still working on opening up in therapy.”

“You're seeing a therapist too?” the other boy seemed surprised. “Why?”

Cas could see the shift in Dean. “Because of what happened to me with John, my dad, and because seeing you almost dead made me feel like I was falling off a cliff.”

Castiel knew this was hard to talk about for both of them so he changed the topic. “Did you only ask me out to fulfill some kind of bet?” Dean shook his head. “Why didn't you tell me?”

Dean gave him an utterly heartbroken look. “The first guy that takes an interest in you is the most popular guy in school. Would you have really believed me after hearing that?” 

Cas let his shoulder droop. “I guess not. You could have defended me. You could have apologized.”

“I went to Lucifer's house after you left, but no one was home. I was scared he took you home so I went there too.” He remembered it almost fondly. “Your father wasn't sure why I was looking for you so I made something up. I told him you had stolen my whiskey and I wanted to kick your ass. He seemed to buy it.”

Cas frowned. “Of course he did. That bastard is only happy when I'm beaten so bad I can't move.” Dean could hear the hate and resentment in his voice. 

“I miss you, Cas,” he said softly. “I have feelings I don't know how to express for you. But I'll take whatever you give me even if it's just friends.”

Cas studied his face. He thought about the things Dean had done for him since the party. Dean was trying hard even now to mend what they had. “We'll see. I spent a long time thinking you only pitied me. It hurt to know I had trusted so much of myself to you.”

Dean flinched. “Tell me I didn't make you feel like you needed to die?” He was terrified of the answer. He could never forgive himself if Cas said it was his fault. 

Castiel could see the internal struggle on the face of the other boy. “Not entirely. At first it was just so crushing I had no idea what to do. Mostly it was my father. Kids at school didn't help either. They still bully my friends, except now Dorothy is feeling the other end of her former friends.” 

“Dor is so brave. I'm a coward,” Dean said dejectedly. “I never had the courage to tell you how I felt or about John. I wish I had.”

Cas considered this carefully. “Will you tell me now?”


	24. Chapter 24

Dean braced himself. “I need to take my medicine. Then I'll tell you anything you want to know, but we might have to take it slow in case I have a panic attack.” 

Castiel’s eyes grew rapidly. “A panic attack?”

Dean grabbed a bottle of water and offered one to Cas. He took two pills. “My therapist says I have PTSD.” He wouldn't meet Cas’ concerned gaze. 

Castiel made a noise. “I'm clinically depressed with suicidal ideation,” he offered. He texted Lucifer and let him know where he was and that he'd be a while. 

Dean sat down on the couch beside Cas. “If...when I start breathing weird and I can't talk, don't freak out. Just breathe normal and louder or tell me to breathe in and out. I don't know, it helps,” he sounded ashamed. “When we first started talking, I knew you had it bad at home. I could see the pain and the bruises. I remember letting you think the same thing was happening to me. It sort of was. It was just different.”

He took a deep breath and paused before continuing. “Remember when I told you I had been curious about boys?” Cas nodded. “I was twelve. There was this boy I really liked on my football team. I talked to him about it because I knew he was gay. Aaron was so sweet and thirteen. I thought I was in love. I was stupid.” Dean told him about how his father had found out. He swallowed thickly. “My therapist says talking about it gives him less power.”

Cas put a hand on his to comfort him. “Mine says something similar. So it must be true.”

Dean closed his eyes again soaking in the comfort Cas provided. “I'll understand if you want nothing to do with me after I tell you this.” Cas gripped his hand firmly. Dean's lip trembled violently. “My dad...John,” he corrected himself. “Always expected me to be like him, a manly man. He expected me to date the hottest girls because ‘a real man only gets the hottest women.’ He wanted me to learn from him. So when I was caught with Aaron, he decided I needed to be taught a different way.” Dean gripped the hand in his tighter. His breathing was uneven but not panicky. “He did the same thing that night he saw you at the house. I saw you linger for a minute. He had me pressed against the wall, but I was so glad you left. I knew if he saw you and touched you that I wouldn't be able to help.” 

“What did he do after I left?” Cas asked softly. 

Dean touched Cas’ face. “He raped me,” he whispered. Dean shattered at that moment. “He pulled down my pants and fucked into me dry.” He took ragged breaths as he talked. “He left me there bleeding and torn.” He struggled to suck in air. “When I could walk again, I came here. Mom took me to the cops.” 

Castiel held him. “Sh...it's...I'm not going anywhere,” he said softly. “Come on, Dean, breathe with me.” He held him and did the breathing like Dean had told him to.

Dean calmed and clung to him. Castiel held him as he sobbed. “It's not wrong to like boys. It's not wrong to be who you are,” Cas echoed Meg's words. “Dean, there's nothing wrong with you.”

Dean pulled away and scoffed. “Yeah, I take anti-anxiety pills. I have PTSD and frequent night terrors. I can't talk about what happened without having a panic attack and feeling like I'm choking to death. But there's nothing wrong with me,” he said sarcastically. 

Castiel buried his hand in his hair and yanked his head to force Dean to look at him. “There's nothing wrong with you,” he repeated. “Terrible things happened to you, but it's not you.”

Dean's gaze fell. “Why did you try to kill yourself?” he asked defeated. “There's nothing wrong with you either.”

“I was in a dark place. I couldn't see a way out. So I made one,” he said. It sounded almost practiced. “Truth is I couldn't handle everything anymore. The beatings, the pain, seeing you and feeling the hurt. Then I got kicked out on my birthday. Lucifer picked me up. I became a burden to him, or I thought I was. I felt like I was a burden to everyone, that no one wanted me around,” he said. His gaze fell a little. “I was wrong.”

“I want you around, Cas. You mean a lot to me,” the other boy said. Cas met his green gaze. “You won't do it again, will you?” Cas shook his head. 

“I promised Meg I wouldn't,” he said. His lips twitched up a little in the corners. “You'd like her.” 

“Meg the nurse?” Cas nodded. “She didn't keep my secret very well,” he said lightly. “Is that what brought you here tonight?”

“She told me four days after it happened. I just wanted to see if you really meant it. You don't hang out with your friends anymore.” Cas had observed this at school. 

Dean blushed. “Been watching me, Cas? They don't like that I'm gay.” He shrugged. “It's not my fault they're assholes.”

Cas thought of something. “When you told me we could go slow, I thought you were doing that because I'd never been with anyone. Was that because of what happened?” 

“Both. You deserve to be treated right, Cas. I wanted to show you that.” Dean dropped his gaze. “Where does this leave us?” 

Cas leaned in a little bit. “You deserve to be treated right too. So I'd like to try,” he said. He leaned in more and kissed Dean. 

Dean snaked a hand up to hold the back of his head. He pressed into the kiss more, almost desperately. He put his other hand on the boy's shoulder. 

Cas knew he was in control of this. He was leading them. He set the pace. And he wanted more. He wanted Dean more than he'd ever wanted him. He teased his mouth open and let his tongue dance with Dean's. Dean made a small moaning sound and gripped Cas tighter. 

“Boy, that better not be happening on my couch,” Missouri's voice came from the front door.


	25. Chapter 25

Dean gave the woman a sheepish look. Castiel practically jumped away from him. “Honey, you stop that. I'm not going to whip you. There's nothing wrong with you two macking on each other. Just don't get busy on my couch,” she said. She walked into the kitchen with a few bags. 

“I'll be right back,” Dean said giving Cas a light kiss. “Can I help you with anything?” Dean offered. 

Missouri stopped shelving items and turned around. “Honey, are you okay? You've been crying again,” she asked softly. 

Dean knew he looked rough. “I had a panic attack, but Cas helped. I told him everything.” 

She smiled and hugged him. She kissed his cheek because she could no longer reach the top of his head. He'd grown several inches since living with her. “If you're happy, I'm happy for you. But if he breaks your heart again, he's not welcome here,” she said firmly. 

Dean smiled. “We both know if anyone is going to fuck this up it will be me,” he told her. She gave him a conceding look. “Can he stay the night if he wants? He walked here.” 

“Yes, but I better not hear noises I don't want to hear,” she replied. “Oh, and tomorrow, you're spending the day with me. It's a Saturday so no excuses. Yes, Cas can come too.” 

“I-I love you, mom,” Dean stammered. He'd never said it before. Her eyes shined as she hugged him and returned the sentiment. 

Dean returned to Castiel. “Let's go to my room. You don't have to walk home if you don't want to.” He let the other boy take his hand. Dean blushed deeply. “We're celebrating tomorrow. Would...would you like to join us?” 

They shut the door to his room and sat on the bed. Castiel was confused. “Celebrating?”

“Tomorrow's my birthday,” Dean said shyly. “I've never celebrated it with anyone but Missouri, not that I can remember anyway.”

Castiel smiled. “You were there for mine. Of course, I'd love to join you, Dean,” he said happily. “You'll have to wait for a present though. I wasn't prepared like you were. How did you know when it was?”

Dean smirked. “Mom told me.” He laced their fingers together. “Did you like your gifts? I didn't know where to put anything for you for Christmas.” 

“How did you know about the book?” he asked. 

Dean turned a deep shade of red. “I noticed you liked my copy so I gave it to you.” 

Castiel changed positions. Instead of sitting beside Dean, he was now in the boy's lap facing him. “You are incredible, Dean Winchester,” he said quietly. He seemed to have an idea. “I know it's not your birthday yet, but I have something I'd like to give to only you.”

Dean searched his eyes. “Cas, what are you...what do you mean?” His breathing increased a little. 

Cas kissed him passionately. “Make love to me. I want you to be my first,” he whispered in Dean's ear, nibbling at the lobe gently. 

Dean moaned softly at his request. “Baby, are you sure?” He asked nervously. 

“I know you have my heart even if I'm not ready to say those particular words yet. You have me. I want you to have it all,” he reassured him, and he kissed Dean firmly. He deepened it quickly. 

Dean's teenage hormones kicked into high gear. He kissed the boy back and slid his hands beneath his shirt. Quiet moans mingled together between them. Castiel's hands explored Dean's body just as fervently if not more eagerly. He lifted Dean's shirt over his head. “Beautiful,” he praised softly. 

Dean tried to remove Cas’ shirt. Castiel hesitated. He closed his eyes. “It's not pretty,” he said feeling shame. 

Dean kissed him gently. “You're beautiful, Castiel. I don't care what scars you have,” he said genuinely. 

Cas let him lift the shirt over his head. Dean admired the sight. He saw little scars in some places. Some looked self inflicted. Dean twined their hands together. “Baby, you're so gorgeous.” He dipped his head to kiss his neck. He licked and sucked a mark at the base of his neck. 

“Dean,” Cas breathed. From where he was sitting on Dean's lap, he could feel them both becoming more aroused. Cas let the feeling of Dean's mouth fill him up. He tilted his head back giving the other boy more access. “Ah,” he gasped. 

Dean couldn't move any lower with his position being beneath Cas. He used this moment to flip them around and move up on the bed at the same time. Cas looked surprised but eager. Dean's mouth continued to explore his bare chest. He placed loving and gentle kisses on each of his scars. 

“Dean, please stop teasing,” he begged raggedly in a hushed voice. “My stamina won't be that good as it is.” 

“I wish I could make you scream, but we have to be quiet. Missouri will kick my ass if she hears us,” Dean said just before he kissed Cas at the soft spot behind his ear. 

“Dean,” he gasped. Castiel's hips rolled up. “Please,” he begged. 

Dean undid the zipper and button on his pants. He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of both the pants and boxers. “You're absolutely sure you want this, baby?” 

Cas nodded, no longer able to make coherent words. Cas lifted his hips so Dean could remove his pants. Dean took in the sight below him. Cas grappled at Dean's remaining clothes, and the green eyed boy removed the remainder of clothes carefully. 

Dean straddled Cas, letting their hard cocks slide together. “Mmm, baby, feels so good,” Dean encouraged. He leaned down to kiss Cas. As their tongues played tonsil hockey, Dean thrust his hips into Cas’ building friction between them. 

Cas heard a drawer open. He broke the kiss to see what Dean was doing. His hand came up from the nightstand drawer holding onto a bottle of lube. Castiel knew he needed to be stretched open for sex. He'd attempted this a few times on his own and it had felt good. 

Dean's wet finger teased him and that alone felt better than anything he'd tried himself. Cas gripped the sheets tightly and gasped. He was making an effort to keep the noise down. 

Dean pressed the tip of his finger in slowly so he didn't hurt the boy. “Tell me if anything hurts, baby,” he said, his voice heavy with desire. He pumped the finger in and out slowly, watching his face the whole time. When he slipped the second finger in, Dean noticed Cas flinched and his erection began to flag. “Cas, are you okay?” 

Cas nodded. “Yeah, just need a second,” he grunted. He wasn't used to the intrusion and knew it would eventually feel good again. He felt lips gently kiss his shrinking shaft. He leaned up on his elbows to watch just as Dean swallowed down the whole reemerging length. Cas sucked in a breath and bit his lip. 

Dean swirled his tongue around the tip and began to bob his head up and down. Once he felt Cas relax again, he began to stretch him out. He kept him distracted by sucking him hard. He heard him gasp and try not to make noises. Dean wished Missouri wasn't home so he could hear the beautiful noises Cas was holding back. 

“Dean, Dean, I'm gonna…” Cas gasped and his hands shot to Dean's hair trying to pull him off. Dean purposely moaned around his cock and struck his prostate. Cas groaned as quietly as he could as he came down Dean's throat. He was breathing hard and didn't realize Dean had three fingers in him. 

Dean removed his mouth and leaned up to kiss Cas. The other boy tasted himself on Dean's mouth and moaned softly. “Do you still want to keep going?” Dean asked softly. 

Castiel was now aware of Dean's fingers and thrust back onto them. “I want you,” he whispered. He held Dean's face with both hands. “Keep going, Dean.”

Dean kissed him and then leaned back to live himself up. “I'll go slow. You stop me if anything hurts, baby,” he repeated. He lined himself up and pushed in slowly, giving Cas time to adjust. “So tight and perfect, baby,” he praised and leaned down to kiss him. 

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and his legs around his waist, shoving the hard cock inside him deeper. “You're amazing, Dean,” he whispered. He moaned quietly. 

Dean pulled out and thrust back in gently and slowly at first. Cas closed his eyes in pleasure and felt his refractory period waning. Dean picked up the pace a little but remained as gentle as possible. He thrust deeply into Cas. “Cas,” he gasped. He bit his lip to hold back a moan as he continued to move. 

Cas held onto Dean tightly and rocked his hips as much as be could. He was surprised that he was hard again. “Dean,” he breathed in surprise when he struck his prostate. “Fuck,” he swore. 

Dean smirked. “My baby has a dirty mouth. God, Cas, that's so hot,” he grunted. “I'm so close, Cas.” 

The sound of skin slapping skin at a decent pace surrounded them as they both tried to stay quiet. Dean gripped Cas’ arms tightly. “Cas, oh, fuck, Cas, baby,” Dean chanted. 

Castiel pulled his face down and muted Dean's cry from his orgasm ripping through him. Cas felt his second orgasm when he locked lips with Dean. He refused to let go. 

It took awhile for them to calm down enough to clean up. Dean had run to the ensuite bathroom and let Cas stay in bed. He held Cas after they were both clean. “I'm glad you're staying,” he whispered. 

“I don't think I could walk,” Cas remarked.


	26. Chapter 26

Missouri opened the door in the morning to check on the boys. She was not surprised to see clothes all over the floor and two sleeping boys cuddled up tightly together. She smiled fondly at them and let them sleep as long as they wanted. 

She decided to go check the mail and water the lawn. It was looking a little dry and needed some love. She sorted the post and discovered a letter from the prosecutor. It could wait one more day if Dean chose. Movement across the street caught her eye. 

A middle aged blonde woman and a tall, lanky teenager were knocking on the door of the house belonging to John Winchester. Missouri walked across the street. “Dear, no one lives there. Can I help you?” she offered. 

The blonde woman frowned. “What do you mean? Where's John and Dean?”

Missouri felt like she recognized the woman, but she wasn't entirely sure. “John was arrested several months ago. He's down at the county jail. Who are you?”

The blonde woman pursed her lips. “Where's my son?” She crossed her arms over her chest. 

Missouri knew this was not going to be an easy time for Dean. “He's still asleep, Mary. There's a lot you and I need to talk about before you see him.” 

“Can I see him?” the teenager asked. 

Missouri smiled. “Sam,” she said. “I need you to both understand he may not want to see you. He doesn't know you, and I understand that. But we really must discuss some things before you see him.” 

Mary gave her a skeptical look. “He lives with you, why?”

“Let me go get the boys up and send them out for a while before we talk. Then you can see him if he chooses,” she said calmly. She could feel the growing anger and frustration coming off the other woman. 

“Mom, we should probably go book the hotel room. You said we'll be staying at least one night,” Sam said. 

Mary conceded. “I'll be back in half an hour. You better tell me what the hell is going on and why my son may not want to see me,” she said fiercely. 

Missouri chuckled. “You'll understand everything when we talk, dear. Go get settled and I'll make some tea for us.”

Missouri left the two standing there and returned to her house. She grabbed the mail and decided to tell Dean about the letter from the prosecutor now too. She heard someone shuffling about the kitchen. 

“Sugar is in the cabinet above you to your right,” she said startling the boy. “I'm glad to see you're wearing clothes now.”

Castiel blushed deeply. “I'm sorry. We probably shouldn't…”

She shushed him. “Baby, I'm not stupid. Teenagers are going to do what they want even when we tell them not to. I'd rather you boys make your own mistakes and learn from them. Is Dean awake?”

Cas sipped a cup of coffee. “He's in the shower.”

“Good. Something has come up. We will go out tonight, but for now, I need him to take you home so you can freshen up too. I've gotta speak with him, and it may not be good.” She sat at the table and waited for Dean. 

Cas left the kitchen. He knew Dean and Missouri would want the privacy. “Missouri needs to talk to you,” he told the other boy. 

Dean gave him a questioning look. He noticed the solemn look on Cas’ face. “What's wrong, baby?” Dean asked softly and locked his hands together at the small of Castiel's back. “There was coffee, right?”

Cas kissed Dean lightly. “The look on her face just told me today is not going to be a good day. You should be happy today.”

Dean leaned his head against Cas’ shoulder. “You weren't happy on your birthday. Why should mine be any different?” 

Cas pushed his head back up, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Because we're together now. We weren't even speaking on my birthday. But spending the night with you has made me the happiest I've ever been,” he said honestly. 

Dean sighed. “You're right.” He kissed Cas deeply. “This already the best birthday. So I'm just going to count the time I spend with you for my birthday.” He held Cas for another minute. “Time to face the music?” Cas nodded. “Stay with me?” 

“She needs to talk to you. You can tell me later,” he promised, letting go of Dean. 

Dean sat across from Missouri as he read the letter from the prosecutor. “You're kidding me. I have to take the stand?” He was horrified. “Does it say when?” He handed the letter back to her, unable to keep reading it. 

“Next week,” she stated. She looked up and met his gaze. “There's more.” 

Dean went back to his room fuming. “Let's go. I need to get out of here,” he told Cas. Dean slammed the door to the house behind them. 

“What's wrong, Dean?” Cas asked. “Please talk to me.” He was a little scared of the anger Dean projected. 

Dean punched the steering wheel of his car. “It's just too much, Cas.” Hot, angry tears welled at the corners of his eyes. 

Castiel bravely reached over and took his hand. “Let's go to my house. You can tell me there, and then we'll decide what to do next.” Cas used a technique he'd learned in therapy. 

Castiel shut the door to his bedroom after they arrived. He wrapped his arms around Dean. “Do you want to sit or lie down?” he offered. 

Dean moved with him to lie down. He stayed pressed against Cas, seeking as much comfort as he could. “I have to testify in court against dad. His lawyer is going to use an insanity plea. And Mary and Sammy showed up at dad's house looking for me today.”

Cas held him brushed away his tears. “Is that good or bad?”

“She left me with him. She left me there, Cas. She's just as bad as dad. Sammy was a baby, but she took him with her.” He trembled. “Why didn't she take me? Did she not love me? Was I not good enough for her to take me with her?”

Castiel kissed his forehead. “I don't know, baby. I can't say why she did any of that. But if she had taken you away we never would have met. I'd probably be dead if you weren't around. I certainly never would have come out to my father.” 

Dean sniffled lightly. “I need you, Cas.” 

“You have me, Dean. What can I do to help?” he asked in a whisper. 

Dean let everything out as Cas held him. Cas promised he wasn't going anywhere and tucked them in under the blankets. Dean cried until he passed out.


	27. Chapter 27

A knock sounded on her door just about half an hour after she'd spoken to Mary and Sam. Missouri answered the door and saw the look on Sam's face. She lead them to the kitchen. “Tea? Water? Anything to eat?”

Sam shook his head. Mary accepted tea. Missouri poured their drinks and gave Sam a glass of water just in case. 

“It looks like you might know something, Sam,” Missouri began the conversation. 

Sam nodded. “I read the probable cause for John's arrest. Did he really do that?”

Mary looked surprised at her son. “What is he talking about?” she turned to Missouri. 

“Dean has been showing up at my house for years. He always helped me out with my yard work. One day I saw John get rough with him. I went over and intervened before it got worse. Dean would always come over after John pushed him around or slammed him into a wall. When he was in middle school, he came over here telling me about this other boy he thought was cute, but he asked me not to tell his father.”

“He showed up on my doorstep hurting and a little bloody in various places. He never told me what happened that night, and I always hoped my guess was wrong. Last fall I found out my guess was right. I'd never been more broken hearted, and my own child will have nothing to do with me.” 

“Dean told me what his father had done. I took him to the police station and was granted temporary custody of him until he was emancipated. Sam, tell your mom the charges against John,” Missouri finished her portion of the story. 

“Assault. Child abuse. R-rape of a minor,” the boy said. “I had to know what happened. I needed to know why he might not want to talk to us,” the boy defended himself. 

Mary gasped at the list of charges. Her hand trembled. “Why wouldn't he want to see us?” 

Missouri gave her a sad look. “In his eyes, you left him with that monster. He's only jealous of you, Sam. But, Mary, he may despise or even hate you. I'm just trying to prepare you for how he might react. I spoke to him this morning and let him know you're in town. He gave me permission to tell you about John.”

Mary nodded shakily. “He needs to hear about the divorce from me. I didn't want to leave him. I'm his mother.” Her voice shook. 

Missouri watched Sam grab his mom's hand. “He doesn't see you as his mother. Dean calls me mom,” Missouri explained. “He asked if he could call me that shortly after he started living here. He is family to me.”

Sam shot her a glare. “This is his mom, not you.” 

Mary stopped him. “Sam, she's right. I don't get to be Dean's mom. I have to earn that. Missouri, thank you for taking care of my son. He'll always be my little boy.” She wiped her eye with her hand. “If he wants to see us, we'll be in town for a couple days.”

*******

Dean woke up in Cas’ arms. “I'm sorry I fell asleep,” he whispered. 

Cas smiled. “It's okay, Dean. You needed it. We kind of wore ourselves out last night.” His cheeks tinged pink at his comment. 

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Oh? You don't seem so worn out right now,” he teased. He leaned in and kissed Cas, closing his eyes. He let the feeling of kissing Castiel wash over him completely. He enjoyed the warmth of the boy's embrace and the tingle he felt on his lips. Castiel deepened the kiss feeling Dean's need for some level of intimacy. 

Dean slipped his hands down to the globes of Cas’ ass and gripped firmly. A moan escaped the other boy. Dean pressed up against him firmly. He moved his lips to Cas’ neck. “I need you, Cas,” he breathed. 

Cas surged in for a hard kiss. He broke it and slithered down beneath the covers. Dean removed the blankets so he could see Cas. Cas had Dean's pants undone and slid them down when Dean lifted his hips. “Cas,” he gasped. “I-I'm not ready…”

Castiel licked a stripe up his cock. “I know, Dean.” Cas wanted to make Dean forget all the ugly that was going to happen. He could take his mind off of it even if it was just for a little while. Cas kissed the tip of his cock and moaned at the taste. “You taste so good,” he said. 

“That is so sexy,” Dean managed to say. “Fuck, Cas!” He half shouted when Cas swallowed him down, mimicking what Dean had done to him before. Dean buried his hands in the dark hair. “Cas, baby,” he moaned. 

Cas loosened his jaw and stilled. He glanced up at Dean letting him know he could move. Dean held his head in place and began thrusting lightly at first so as not to choke the other. “Oh, fuck, oh God, Cas,” Dean moaned and swore as his hips moved faster. 

Cas moaned around Dean. He enjoyed letting Dean fuck his face like this. He reached down and undid his own pants enough to grab hold of himself. He moved his hand as fast as Dean was moving his hips. 

“Cas, baby, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm gonna come,” Dean gasped. “Fuck.” 

Cas moaned around Dean again encouraging him to let go. Dean couldn't hold back and filled Cas’ throat and mouth with his release. “Cas,” he moaned as he came. 

Cas swallowed Dean but a little was left on his lips. Dean leaned up and licked himself off of Cas’ lips. Cas chased him for a kiss. His own hardness had been forgotten by his hand. As they kissed, Dean reached his hand down to help Cas out. 

Cas moaned. “Dean,” he said. “You don't have to. Just wanted, ah, to make you feel good,” he stammered. Dean's hand worked him faster. “Oh shit,” he swore. He bit down on Dean's shoulder. 

“We have got to explore your kinks. Cas, fuck that's hot,” Dean groaned. “Oh, baby, you look fucking hot right now. So beautiful, Cas. Don't hold back those noises now.”

Cas swore and moaned loudly while Dean pumped him at a fast and brutal pace. Cas lasted longer than he had expected and came with Dean's name on his lips. He collapsed on his lover's chest.

“Babe, we should check in with mom,” Dean said after several moments. 

“Yeah, I really hope Lucifer's not home. If so, he probably hates me right now.” Cas laughed.


	28. Chapter 28

Dean paced nervously. Cas watched him with worry. Neither boy was sure how this would play out. Dean asked Missouri repeatedly if he was making the right decision. Eventually, Cas grabbed his hands and stopped his pacing. “It will be okay. Even if it goes horribly, Missouri and I will still be here for you,” he promised. 

The knock on the door nearly sent Dean into an anxiety attack. Missouri let the people in, and after fourteen years, Dean laid eyes on his mother again. She was still beautiful like he had remembered, but that was all he could remember about her. 

“Dean,” she breathed. “You're so handsome.” She went to touch him but stopped herself. “Thank you for agreeing to see us.” All of her emotions could be heard in her voice and seen in her smile. “I don't know if you remember. You were so little. But this is your brother Sam,” she introduced. 

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said quietly. Sam waved shyly. 

Mary paused. “You remembered.” She was in awe. 

“No offense, Mary, but divorce is hard on four year olds who don't understand why their brother and mother are leaving,” Dean said bitterly. “You tend to remember the stuff that hurts.”

Mary accepted that he wouldn't call her mom or mother. “Will you let me explain what happened?” 

Sam touched her arm. “Mom, it's his birthday. Why don't we come back tomorrow and talk?” he asked her quietly.

Mary pulled away from her younger son. “Dean,” she wasn't sure what else she could say. 

Dean stepped into the kitchen his breathing uneven. Castiel followed him and held him. “Whatever you decide, I'm still with you,” he whispered. “It sounds like she wants to try.”

He slowed his breathing, letting Castiel ground him. “Yeah, but I'm not sure I want her to. I have you and Missouri. I don't need them,” Dean said. 

“What if they need you?” Cas asked. “Not all relatives try to be part of your life.” 

Dean leaned against him. “What if they're like John and don't like that I'm gay?”

“Baby, if they don't like you for who you are, they don't deserve the chance to get to know you.” Cas kissed his forehead gently. “Shall we?”

Dean laced their fingers together. The words he wanted to say were stuck on his tongue. Castiel stepped back into the other room, still holding his hand. Dean didn't make eye contact with his mother and brother. 

Mary came up to Dean and lifted his chin. “I'm not John,” she said softly. “Sam's boyfriend Gabe has been over to our house quite a number of times.”

“Ugh,  _ mom _ ,” the younger boy complained. “Gabe is  _ not _ my boyfriend.”

Mary smiled. “Not yet,” she winked at Dean. 

“This is Castiel,” he said shyly. 

“It's nice to meet you, Castiel,” she reached her hand out to shake his hand. 

Cas shook her hand warily. Dean noticed the restraint in his boyfriend. He knew Cas didn't have good experiences with parental figures and understood his reservations. 

“I guess you guys can come to dinner with us. If I feel like it, then later I guess we can talk,” he told Mary. “Mom, is it okay if they come to dinner?” he asked Missouri. He caught the slight flinch from Mary. She'd just have to get used to it. She wasn't his mom. 

Missouri took them all out to eat at Dean's favorite place, the Roadhouse. It was a rustic bar and grill. The owner, Ellen, greeted Dean and Missouri by name and said hello to the rest of the table. “Dean, I ain't seen John in a long time. He clean up?” Ellen asked. 

Dean smirked. “I guess he's clean. Can't exactly have liquor at county.” His hand was twined with Cas’ as it had been most of that afternoon. 

Ellen smirked. “Asshole got busted for something finally. Been trying to get him arrested for years, but he was friends with half the cops.” 

Dean looked like he'd sucked a lemon. “Not anymore.” 

“Ellen?” Mary asked. “Wow you look great.”

Ellen turned her attention to Mary. “If you weren't with Dean, I'd tell you to get the hell out of my bar, Mary Winchester.” 

“Campbell. I don't want to bring any bad blood,” she said politely. “We're just visiting.”

Ellen gave Dean a sharp look. Dean apologized and followed her. “What the hell, Dean?” 

“They found me. Today's my eighteenth birthday,” he explained shortly. “The one with dark hair is my boyfriend.” 

“You let me know if Bobby and I need to run Mary out of town,” she said firmly. “She's not getting any alcohol.” 

Dean returned to his table wondering why Ellen didn't like Mary. Apparently, Mary was able to read this on his face. “When Ellen knew me, I was just as bad as John when it came to alcohol,” she offered. 

“That's not gaining any points in your favor,” he said roughly. He turned to Sam ignoring the hurt look on Mary's face. “So do you play any sports?”

“No. I'm in math club, chess club, and the debate team,” the younger boy replied. “Do you have any extracurriculars?” 

Dean tried not to chuckle. The kid talked like Cas. “Football,” he replied.

Sam looked at Cas expectantly. “Oh, no, I don't,” he said nervously.  

“Cas has the highest grades in school. He doesn't need clubs, and he'd get killed on any team,” Dean joked. 

“How long have you been together?” Sam asked. He seemed excitable like a puppy. 

Dean's face dropped. “A day.”

“But that's because we broke up. Before the break up, it was three weeks,” Cas spoke up. “It's complicated.”

Sam nodded knowing not to push the subject. “Are your parents okay with you dating a guy, Castiel?”

Cas bristled. “I don't live with them. I live with my cousin. He doesn't care.” Dean wrapped an arm around Cas. 

Ellen sent Jo to wait on their table. She glared at Mary each time she had to look at her. Something wasn't sitting right with Dean about his birth mom. 


	29. Chapter 29

“I don't know. I don't have a good feeling about this,” Dean told Cas when they were alone again. “What if she's like dad? What if Sam is in danger?”

“Baby, it's okay. We can talk to Sam,” he said sweetly. Cas held him. “We don't have to think about it anymore tonight if you don't want.”

Dean clung to him. “I don't want you to go,” he whispered. 

“Grab some clothes and come stay with me,” Cas said. 

The next day, Dean had agreed to meet with Mary alone. He was nervous and his anxiety medication could only do so much. Cas had promised to stay nearby in case Dean needed to escape. 

Mary looked up at the coffee shop before entering it. She found Dean. “Can I get you anything?”

“Coffee, black.” He shrugged. His nerves couldn't handle much more. 

She returned a few moments later with two cups of coffee. “Dean, I know you have questions. You must,” she said. 

“Trust me. You don't want the questions I would ask,” he said darkly. 

She sipped her drink slowly. “I wanted to take you with me too. I didn't want to lose either of my boys.” 

Dean looked skeptical. “Maybe you should've fought harder for me. If you gave a damn, why didn't you fight for me?”

Mary set her cup down. “I did. I almost lost Sam too. Before the divorce, things between John and me were not good. He didn't agree with the way I was raising you. Even when you were little you played with any toy not caring what it was. When I got pregnant with Sam is when the fighting really started. He thinks I cheated. I never did. He wanted a paternity test for Sam.” 

She sipped her drink. “Sam is his son. He's hot headed just like John. But he's loyal like John used to be.” She watched Dean. “You look more like him, but you're nothing like him. I can see that. I only ever wanted what was best for you boys. He filed for divorce and custody when we found out Sam was a boy.”

Dean sipped his drink and kept his gaze on her. “Why doesn't Ellen like you?” 

“Oh, you noticed that.” She looked guilty.

“Yeah, hard not to.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “I trust Ellen’s judgment.”

Mary brushed a loose bit of hair behind her ear. “Well, I wasn't sober when I got pregnant with you. I'd still go to the bar, but Ellen wouldn't serve me when she found out. Bobby Singer set me straight,” she said with shame. Her eyes were sad. “I never wanted to hurt you.” 

It was evident Dean didn't believe her. “You knew what kind of bastard he was and left me with him anyway.” Dean’s breathing was tight and barely controlled. 

A single tear slipped down her cheek. “I never thought he was capable of doing that, Dean. He always doted on you.”

“Wake up and smell the fucking roses, Mary. The bastard did unspeakable things to me. He destroyed everything, and…” he couldn't breathe. He gasped and touched his phone. 

“Dean?” she was worried. 

Dean slumped in his seat unaware Mary was calling his name. He couldn't breathe. His vision had black spots and quickly faded to solid black. He came to with Cas holding him and doing his breathing exercises.

“What happened?” Dean asked weakly. 

“You had a really bad panic attack,” the boy said softly. “You were passed out when I got here.” 

Dean was grateful they were in a booth. He looked up and saw a horrified expression on Mary's face. Her hands covered her mouth. “What triggered it?” he asked. 

She removed her hands. “You were talking about your father, and you just stopped breathing and passed out.” She looked to Cas. “How did you know?”

“We figured this would happen. So he set up a text and only needed to hit send to alert me,” Cas said. “I was at the bookstore next door.”

Dean was slowly still trying to breathe properly. His chest hurt from hyperventilating so quickly. “Does this happen often?” Mary asked. 

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand lightly letting him know he could answer for him. “Usually it happens when he's talking about what happened.” Cas refused to let go of him. 

Mary watched the two boys communicate silently. “You two seem like you've been together for more than just a few days.”

“It's complicated,” Cas grimaced. He checked on Dean again, making sure his heart rate had decelerated. “Do you want to go?” he asked his boyfriend. 

Dean shook his head. He looked Mary in the eyes. “Now do you get it? Do you understand why I don't want to get to know you? You're just as responsible as he is.” 

Mary closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “John won the custody over you because you were the only one he filed custody for. He didn't want Sam. I almost lost Sam to the state. Your father and I ended up in an altercation, and when the police arrived they saw me hit John with a lamp.” She shrugged when Dean made a face. “He deserved it, more so now. Sam was in state care for a week before I was cleared of domestic abuse charges. I was able to prove that he had attacked me. That was the last time I got to see you. I was trying to get you and take you with me.”

“Why didn't you come back?” Dean asked. He felt small like the lost little kid he'd been back then. 

Mary smiled softly. “I was trying to steal you, Dean. I wasn't the one granted custody, but I knew you needed me. Trying to take you lost me any rights I had to you.” 

Dean shifted in his seat. “Why were you able to take Sam?” 

“Sam was born after I left your father. I was able to keep him because John had never been his parent and signed away his rights to Sam. I always picked you up for visitation and took you to our house to see Sam,” Mary explained.

“And grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins? Do I have any of those that I don't know about?” Dean clutched Cas’ hand tightly. 

The woman shook her head. “My parents died shortly after John and I got together. My dad didn't like him either, but I always thought it was because John had been a Marine. You're named after my mom, Deanna, Sam is after my dad, Samuel. I was an only child, but we have some more distant relatives.”

“Henry was John's father's name. He hated his father,” Dean said. “Why give me that for a middle name?”

“That was John's idea. I wanted Michael like the angel. I used to tell you angels were watching over you. I guess I was wrong,” she said sadly. 

“Maybe not,” Cas said. Dean looked to his boyfriend. “I'm named after the angel of Thursday. But really Dean's been the one looking out for me.” 

Mary's eyes sparkled. “Looking out for you?”

“He saved my life,” Cas said in a subdued voice. He met Dean's gaze. 

“Cas,” he breathed. “You don't have to tell her anything.”

“I know. But she wants to know you,” he said. “My parents never tried.” He leaned in to whisper in Dean's ear. “Give her a chance. She did try.”

“Castiel,” Mary's voice was shy now. “Forgive me for prying, but what do you mean your parents never tried to know you?” 

Dean wrapped himself around Cas protectively. “You don't have to,” he whispered. 

Cas shared a look with Dean. Dean knew they would need each other that night, and it wasn't even dinner time yet. Cas began to tell Mary why Dean was his hero.


	30. Chapter 30

The court date arrived far sooner than Dean expected. Cas had also been subpoenaed to testify. Court was on a Thursday. 

Dean paced in the witness waiting room. He couldn't help himself. “Dean, it's almost over,” Cas tried. 

Dean shot him a glare. Then he stopped himself. “I'm sorry. It's just I can feel the tension. You won't be in there to help me stay grounded. What if I have a panic attack?” his voice was shaky. 

“I already spoke to the prosecutor. He's to ask you be dismissed if you have a panic attack on the stand. He thinks this will help the prosecution, but I told him it's better for your mental health to get you out of there.” Cas held his hand. “I'm sorry you have to relive it, baby,” he said softly. 

Dean leaned into Cas’ comforting embrace. “I'm scared. What if we don't win? What if John goes free? I'll be putting you and mom at risk of him coming after you.” Dean began to panic. 

Cas did the breathing exercises. “Baby, I'm not going anywhere, and if John could do anything to Missouri, he would have already.” He kissed him lightly. “Dean, you're the strongest and bravest person I know.”

Dean nodded weakly. He clung to Cas until Castiel was called as a witness. Dean paced again. He couldn't hear anything. They'd put him in a soundproof room so nothing from the case would trigger him. The chance he'd have a panic attack inside the courtroom was unavoidable. 

Castiel returned after twenty long minutes. “Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm back.” Dean was a mess. “Shh, shh, Dean. It's okay,” he said softly as he held him. 

“I just want it to be over and John in prison,” Dean said brokenly. 

Cas kissed his cheek. “Tell me what you're going to do when it is over and we're done with school in a few months. Tell me your plans, baby.” 

Dean shuddered. “I don't have plans. Remember back at homecoming when Crowley came and talked to me? He used my sexuality against me to make me lose my chances at a scholarship. Football was the only way I was going to be able to afford college. But no one wants a gay football player on their team.” The despair in his voice nearly broke Castiel's heart. 

“Did you know what you wanted to study?” He wondered what Dean wanted to do for a career. Dean shook his head. “Is there any subject you really enjoy?”

“Not in school, but my therapist is teaching me a little more about what's going on in my head.” Dean thought about it a minute. “There are other kids out there like me and like you. I want to help them so no one hurts them again,” he said with determination. 

Castiel smiled. “We can look into different ways to help people like us and go from there.”

Dean's name was called. He looked at Cas, panicked. “You go in there and tell them what happened. Do it for the other kids who didn't get to speak up. Their monsters are still out there, Cas encouraged. “Do it and come back here to me so we can plan our future.”

Dean straightened his suit and stepped into the courtroom with more resolve than ever. He wanted to see John locked away so long he would need a pill to get it up to hurt anyone else. 

Each attorney took turns. Since he was the prosecutor’s witness, the prosecution went first. The lawyer stuck to the questions that they had gone over in an interview a few days prior. When the defense lawyer was introduced as Crowley, Dean knew how his classmate had known about his father's arrest. 

“Mr. Winchester, did you at any point during the incident tell the defendant ‘no?’” he asked. 

Dean spoke into the microphone. “I did not.”

“Was there a reason? Perhaps interest in the sexual relation?” Mr. Crowley insinuated Dean had wanted it. 

Dean looked to the prosecutor. “I didn't tell John no that night because it had happened before. I made Castiel get out of the house because I was afraid John would hurt him too. So no, I didn't tell him no.”

The lawyer paused. “Did you attempt to defend yourself?”

“I wasn't able to. John pinned me against the wall face first after hitting me across the face,” he said. He did his best to control his breathing. 

“At any point did you attempt to get away from my client?” He asked. 

Dean growled. “I just told you I couldn't move. Are you trying to say I wanted to be raped?”

“Are you currently in a relationship with Castiel Novak?” the lawyer proceeded ignoring Dean's outburst. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” He said defensively. 

“The witness will please answer the question,” the judge stated calmly. 

“Yes, I am,” Dean stated. “What does that have to do with anything?” he repeated. 

“Would you consider yourself a homosexual?” 

Dean looked to the prosecutor who stood. “Objection, your Honor.”

“Counsel, where are you going with this?” the judge asked. 

“It makes sense with my next question, your Honor.” The lawyer was insistent. 

“Overruled,” the judge determined. “Make your point, Counsel.”

“Mr. Winchester, could it be said that your preference for male sexual companions comprised with the fact you did not attempt to dissuade the intercourse from occurring be considered consent?” The lawyer smirked. 

Dean was aghast. “You want me to say I consented to this so John can walk free.” A tear slipped from his eyes. He looked at John. “It's not bad enough you raped your own son, but you're trying to get away with it.”

He looked the defense lawyer straight in the eyes. “I did not consent to sex with my biological father, John Winchester. I would never ever consent to any sex with anyone where no prep or lubrication were used. Are you aware, Counselor, of what no prep and no lubrication does to someone during anal sex?” He took a deep, gasping breath. “Your muscles are too tight because they haven't been properly loosened. Penetration of the tight muscles without lubrication causes tearing and bleeding of the rectum and anus.” His breathing was ragged and uneven. “Combined with being physically unable to do anything about it and being terrified of the person doing it to you and being told that you're worthless, wrong, dirty, disgusting because you're gay, I don't know how anyone could even think consent was even remotely an option.” 

Dean was dismissed after the defense stated he had no more questions. He walked back to the waiting area and nearly collapsed. Castiel caught him, and he sobbed. 

“You made it, baby. You did it,” he said softly, comforting his boyfriend. “You're safe now. You're so brave, Dean. So brave.”

“EMT,” he gasped as he started to get control over his breathing again. “I want to be a paramedic.”

Castiel smiled. “You'll be fantastic, Dean.”

Dean met his loving gaze. He knew even though Cas had never said the words. “I love you, Cas,” he whispered.


	31. Chapter 31

Charlie was practically bouncing when it came time for spring break. Castiel looked annoyed when she put her hands on his shoulders. “Come on, Grumpy Cat,” she teased. 

He sighed. “I don't get that reference, Charlie,” he groaned. 

“Memes, Cas! Grumpy cat is only the best meme ever since my best friend is the human version!” she squealed. 

Castiel shot Dean a look that pleaded for him to help. “Charlie, lay off,” Dean said. She stuck her tongue out at him. “I'm guessing you're excited for spring break.”

“Of course, she is,” Dorothy said. “We're going to the beach.” The brunette girl smirked. “You doing anything?”

Dean shared a look with Cas. They had planned to road trip to a college Cas was interested in. “Nothing you'd find fun, Dor,” he replied slyly. 

Charlie faked vomiting. “That means getting laid, which we do find fun.” She taunted. 

Castiel blushed. “We're going to visit a college campus,” he said quietly. 

Kevin's head popped up. “Have you gotten accepted anywhere yet?” he asked anxiously. “I haven't gotten any letters yet. The application deadlines were in January.”

“Chill, Kevin. Think about it. The deadline was in January. Everyone sent theirs in about the same time. The admissions offices must be swamped,” Dean said easily. 

“You're only so relaxed because you're not going to college, Winchester,” Kevin said almost bitterly. 

Dean had come out of his shell more since the trial had ended. His father had been sentenced to eleven years in prison. Dean had asked the lawyer why it hadn't been more, but Kansas state laws were written so that the maximum was 136 months. 

Castiel packed his bags for their trip and loaded them into Dean's car. “I have a surprise for you when we get there,” he told Dean. 

Dean smiled and kissed him. He wiggled his eyebrows. “Mmm, if it's what I think it is, then maybe we should get a hotel tonight.” 

Castiel kissed his cheek. “It's not what you think,” he winked. He got in the car, leaving Dean standing there. 

They hadn't wanted to go too far from Kansas so they went to Colorado. Cas had found a university he liked. While they were there, Dean had plans to look for a job and to look at apartments. He wanted to ask Cas to move in with him, but he wanted to be able to provide for them. 

They arrived late that evening and got a hotel room anyway. “Want to give me that present you were talking about?” Dean teased. “I can order us something for dinner.” Dean scrolled through the local food delivery on his phone. 

“You order dinner. I'll just start without you,” Cas teased back. Dean looked over to see Cas stripping his clothes. “Order dinner first, Dean.” They had been exploring kinks a little bit, and Dean found he liked being teased and bossed around by Cas. “And don't look.”

Dean found something with burgers that would take 30-40 minutes to get there. “Set it for an hour,” Cas said from across the room. He sounded breathy. Dean struggled to order the burgers and set it for an hour like Cas said. He could hear Cas’ breathing and small moans. 

Dean put his phone down. “Take your shirt off,” Cas instructed. Dean removed the shirt. “Now the pants. Boxers too.”

Dean stood there naked and facing the door. He felt Castiel come up behind him. Castiel ran his hands up the smooth, muscular planes of Dean's torso starting with his hips. “Would you like to try tonight?”

Every time they had sex Dean always topped. Cas wanted to top, but he wanted Dean to be ready. Dean nodded his head with a shudder. Castiel kissed his neck. “Do you trust me, Dean?” he whispered. 

“Yes,” the boy breathed. He turned to face Cas. “I-I love you, Cas,” Dean said. Cas had yet to say these words. 

Castiel kissed him. “I hope you like my surprise tomorrow.” Dean knew he wouldn't hear the words tonight. 

Dean knew it would take him a while to be able to say it. He understood. So he let Cas distract him. “Cas, will you fuck me?” he asked. 

Cas kissed him and walked him to the bed. “I will but not tonight,” he purred in his ear as he laid them down with Dean’s back pressed against the mattress. “Tonight will be special.”

Castiel worshipped his body with kisses. He felt every last bit of tension leave Dean's body. As Cas continued licking, nipping, and kissing down his hips, he could hear Dean softly moaning with each one. 

Normally, he'd blow Dean while he teased his hole, but he wanted to keep him truly distracted this time. He let their lips meet again while he pressed inside Dean with two fingers. Dean had been fine with being finger fucked before, but they'd never been able to take that final step. 

Cas watched as Dean writhed and fell apart with his gentle ministrations. “Dean, are you ready for me? I know physically you are, but how about here?” He lightly tapped the side of Dean's head. 

Dean met his electric blue gaze. “I love you, Cas. You're the only one I choose,” Dean whispered. “Please, baby.”

Castiel slowly slid inside. He paused to let Dean adjust with each movement until their hips were flush against each other. Castiel laced their fingers together and hovered over him. “Use your safeword if you need to, baby. I'll stop.”

“Don't stop, Cas,” Dean moaned. “You can move.” Cas rocked his hips slowly watching Dean's face contort in pleasure. “Ah, Cas!” he moaned loudly. “More.”

Castiel began moving deeper. He kept a solid, slow pace. Dean held him tightly. “I love you, Cas. Ah, this is ah-mazing,” he managed to say between moans. 

Castiel dipped his head to kiss him and changed the angle of his slow, steady thrusts. He kept his pace for a while but slowly felt himself building up to his orgasm. “Gonna make you feel real good, Dean,” he grunted. His thrusts picked up the pace. 

Dean cried out when his prostate was struck. Cas made sure it was in pleasure before he continued. Dean swore and dug his fingers into Cas’ back. “Cas, oh, baby, fuck!” he moaned repeatedly. 

Castiel leaned back on his knees and lifted Dean's hips. He pounded into Dean mercilessly. Dean couldn't take the abuse of his prostate anymore and came with a loud cry. Cas could feel his orgasm rip through him when Dean's ass clenched. 

Gently, Castiel returned Dean's hips and legs to the mattress. He went to get a cloth to clean them up. Dean grabbed him lazily. “I know you can't say it yet, but I love you, Cas,” Dean said softly. 

Cas replied by kissing him tenderly. “The food will be here any minute. I'll throw on a shirt and shorts. Don't pretend like you don't get jealous.”

Dean faked a shocked look. “Me? No, I think you've got it wrong,” he teased.


	32. Chapter 32

Castiel toured the school the next day. He had insisted that Dean come with him and keep his mind open to possibilities. Their tour guide gave them a strange look when they arrived but said nothing about them holding hands. 

Castiel found the library fascinating. Dean teased him for being a nerd. They were shown to where some of the professors had their offices as well. This piqued Castiel's interest. 

“Becky, do you think we could speak to any of the professors?” he asked the guide. 

“Sure, any in particular?” Becky was perky to the point of annoying, but they didn't have any other options. “Oh, didn't you say earlier you were interested in the psych program? I think Dr. Reaper or maybe Dr. Richardson might be here,” she babbled as they walked. 

They turned a corner and saw two offices adjacent to one another. The placards next to each door labeled who they belonged to. One was Dr. Amelia Richardson and the other was Dr. Billie Reaper. The light was on in Dr. Reaper's office. 

Becky knocked politely on the door. “Excuse me, Dr. Reaper. I have some potential students here. One is interested in the psychology program.”

“Becky, how many times do I need to ask you to call me Billie? I dislike my last name,” she explained. She smiled. “Please, come in boys. Becky, where are they headed next? I'll take them.”

Cas stepped in the office closer to the professor. “Next is a surprise for Dean,” he told her quietly. 

Billie nodded. “So what questions do you have for me?” She laughed when Cas raised an eyebrow. “Well, your face is quite expressive.”

Dean suppressed a chuckle. “She's not wrong.”

Billie sensed the hesitation in Castiel. “Let's try a different question. What has you interested in psychology? I only want students in my program who want to learn and want to help others, not their friends and loved ones.”

Castiel shifted in his seat. Dean reached for his hand. “Psychology helped me understand why I was in a dark place, and I'd like to help others.”

Billie looked carefully between the two. “You’re really close. Will this level of relationship, whatever it may be, interfere with your dedication to your studies?”

“No offense, lady, but Cas is the valedictorian of our class,” Dean interjected. “And the reason I'm not failing my classes,” he added. 

She leaned her head on her hands. “Tell me about your relationship. I'm curious.”

Dean was immediately on the defensive. “Why should we tell you anything?”

“Dean,” Cas stopped him with one word. “I'm sorry about that. We prefer not to discuss that. We're just here to see the school. I didn't think we'd have a problem since I only looked at progressive, forward thinking institutions.” He stood to leave.

“Please sit.” Her tone was commanding but not ominous. “I was merely curious as there is an odd power balance that is nearly a perfect balance that is usually seen in couples who have been together for more than twenty years. It is extremely rare to see it in teenagers.” There was awe and amusement in her brown eyes. 

Dean bristled, but Cas placed a calm hand on top of his. “We don't want either of us in charge in this relationship. We're equals and see each other as such. We've both been through enough that we shouldn't have to justify ourselves to anyone,” Castiel stated calmly. 

Billie smiled. “You would do well in my program,” she told Castiel. She turned her eyes to Dean. “I hope you wish to study something else. You jump to anger and defensive attitudes quickly, and that is not good for my department.”

Dean shrunk in his seat. “I didn't mess it up for Cas getting in, did I?” he asked, feeling ashamed and almost panicky. 

Billie watched the boy seem to change in personality. “No, if he's been accepted to this school, I'll gladly welcome him to my department.” She noticed Dean's uneven breathing. “Are you alright, Dean?”

Castiel sat in the floor on his knees in front of Dean and began doing breathing exercises. Billie watched the exchange. Cas only stood up once Dean was breathing normally. 

Cas felt her eyes on him. “He gets panic attacks. His anxiety medicine only does so much.” 

Billie looked impressed. “You're already ahead of most of my first year students. They can't figure out what a panic attack is much less identify and control one.” She stood. “Where to next, boys?”

Cas told her he had set up a meeting with a Dr. Henrickson to see him and Mr. Turner. Billie escorted them to the western side of the campus. When they reached where the building name and design could be seen, Dean was shocked. “Cas,” he gasped. 

Castiel grinned. “I wanted you to have the job you want.”

Dean gave him a watery look and didn't notice the psychology professor had disappeared. “I can't afford to go here, Cas. You know that.”

At that moment, a man approached them. “Never say that. You never know where scholarships or loans will come from. Dr. Victor Henrickson, I'm the head of the fire safety and paramedics division of the school.” He stuck a hand out for a handshake. 

Dean shook his hand hesitantly. Castiel introduced himself and Dean. “We can at least look around,” Cas whispered to Dean. Dean agreed to that. 

Henrickson showed them around his department, which was the size of a fire station and had extra rooms for medical classes and practice. "Our students are required to take some of their medical classes in the science building, but that's mostly theoretical stuff.”

“Thank you for showing us around. I'm sorry if we wasted your time,” Dean said at the end of the tour. 

Henrickson frowned. “Dean, don't be so hard on yourself. I hear you're pretty good with cars.”

Dean shot Cas a look. Cas shrugged innocently. “Yes, I'm okay, I guess.”

Henrickson stepped over to a fire engine that had been parked because it needed work. He popped open the hood and motioned for Dean to join him. “This engine needs work. Can you see from here at least some of the problems with it?”

“Needs new spark plugs. Battery has corroded posts and needs to be replaced. It looks ancient. Two belts need replacing. Coolant is leaking. Smells like it was burning oil and maybe needs a new gas filter and pump,” he surmised. “Oh, and you have a cracked radiator.”

Henrickson looked impressed. “I had our usual mechanic in here yesterday. He said everything you did except for the radiator.” He faced Dean. “Think you could fix the engine?”

Dean was stunned. “Are you offering me a job?” he asked slowly. 

Henrickson made a face showing he meant yes. “You'd be put on the payroll as soon as you can move out here. I understand you're from Kansas and need to finish high school. Luckily, I don't need this engine for a while. Things break all the time here. If you'd like, I'll ask the human resources department to do up a packet for you. You sign when you get here.” 

Dean smiled trying to hide his excitement. “Thank you, sir.”

“Oh, I forgot, since you'll be on the payroll of the university, your classes would be free up to three a semester,” he added as an afterthought. 

Dean stopped breathing. “What?” he gasped. “I...I can go to school?”

Henrickson smiled seeing the utterly shocked look on both boys’ faces. “Just report to me in the fall and not the admissions office. I'll take care of everything. Rufus will get you acquainted with the engines when you get here,” he said. “Now, it's time for me to knock off and go home.”


	33. Chapter 33

The letter had come. “Dean, I'm nervous. What if I didn't get in?” Cas asked with a nervous squeal in his voice. 

Dean raised his eyebrows. “They’d be stupid not to take you, baby.” He kissed the side of Cas’ head. “Open it.”

Cas tore the edge of the envelope and dug the letter out. “Dean,” he gasped. Dean steadied his boyfriend's shaking hands. 

“Together,” he said steadily. Dean unfolded the letter. He scanned the top few lines. “Cas?”

“I got in,” Cas whispered in shock. “Dean, I got in!” He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and pulled him in quickly for an excited kiss. “I got in!”

“Baby, read the rest,” Dean encouraged. “You more than just got in, Cas.”

Cas dropped the letter after reading more. “I got a full ride.”

“I'm proud of you, baby,” Dean said as he held him. “Mom will be proud too when we tell her. So will Lucifer and Meg. Charlie might be jealous and kind of hate me that I'm stealing her best friend away.”

“Did you tell Mary about the job and school yet?” he asked. 

Dean clenched his jaw. “Not yet. I'm still not sure how I feel about her.”

“She came to John's sentencing and last hearing,” he said. “It seems like she's trying, babe. Sam really likes you.”

“He's too young to really get it,” Dean said. 

“Is he?” Dean gave Castiel a curious look. “You were younger than him when it started happening to you. So was I.” Cas looked up at him with softness in his eyes. “You've been looking for family for so long, and now they are looking for you.”

Dean sighed. “I know. I know I should love them. But I don't. I don't know them. They want to be there for the important stuff like graduation, but the people who really love me will already be there. Mom already has her ticket.” 

Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair gently. “I know,” he said softly. “Just give them a chance. If in say a year or so you don't like them, just stop telling them stuff, like normal families.” 

Dean scoffed. “When has anything been normal for us?”

Cas tilted his head to one side. “We're normal. Our relationship is.” 

Dean stepped back. “Is it? You're still scared I'll be like your father,” Dean said clearly hurt. “I love you, Cas. I will never hurt you, especially not like that.” Tears stung his eyes. 

Cas looked up at him with sadness in his eyes. “I'm not afraid you will be like him, Dean. I'm scared I will.” He looked away. “It's genetic, you know. Mental illnesses like abuse and depression.”

“I don't understand, what are you saying?” Dean asked. He was terrified of the conversation. His breathing increased. “Cas, are you…are you trying to tell me something?” Dean was in tears. 

“I'm scared that if I tell you the words I want to say and I know you want to hear, that I will become the monster he is,” Cas said. “I don't want to be like him.”

Dean could feel the cracks in his heart. “You can't be like him, Cas. It's not in you to hurt anyone. I know because I know you better than anyone does. Trust me, if I thought you could ever be like him, I never would've tried so hard to get you back. It hurt bad enough to be without you the first time, and I was only just falling in love with you then.”

Castiel saw the rawness in Dean's grass green eyes. He heard a light sniffle which told Cas Dean was barely holding it together. “I was falling for you then too.” He lowered his gaze. “Dean, I do my best to show you how I feel for you. Is that not enough?”

“You know my issues, Cas,” Dean replied brokenly. “If you can't ever tell me how you feel, how do I know it's real? All my life I thought my father loved me and that he just never said it because he was who he was and didn't talk about feelings because that's what girls do.” Dean turned away from Cas. “Please don't be like John.” He took a step to leave the room but hesitated. “You can say it in your own time, but you might want to make it soon.” He left the room. 

Cas followed him hastily. “Dean, wait,” he called after him. “Baby, please wait. I wanted to wait and do this at graduation. I guess that would be cheesy.” Castiel held up a key and took the deepest breath he could. “I'm sorry we've fought about this. I know I should be more open to expressing my feelings, considering what bottling everything up lead me to do. This is merely symbolic as I don't have the actual key yet. I love you, Dean Winchester. Will you live with me on campus?”

Dean fell to his knees, sobbing openly. Castiel sat on his knees and wrapped his arms around Dean. “All it took was a big fight and nearly breaking my heart?” Dean gasped out after several minutes. 

Cas had shed a few tears by this point. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We both know I suck at this.”

Dean sat up and connected with Cas’ eyes. “Were you ever going to tell me? Without the fight, I mean,” he said. 

Castiel nodded. “I was going to ask you to live with me at graduation and tell you then. I have to prepare a speech for the ceremony, but I was working on one for asking you to live with me. I was more nervous about that one,” he chuckled lightly. “I do, you know, love you.” 

Dean wiped his tears away and sniffled a little more. “I really thought you were breaking up with me. You do really suck at this feelings thing,” he teased. He leaned in, their lips not quite touching. “I love you, Cas,” he said his breath ghosting over Cas’ lips. “Don't ever leave me,” he implored. 

“Never,” Cas whispered. “I-I love you,” he stammered. His heart was racing as if this were their first kiss. “Dean,” he sighed when their lips finally parted. 

“Yes,” Dean breathed. “Yes, I'll move in with you. But are we allowed to room together on campus?”

“If not, we'll get an apartment,” he said with a smile. Cas linked their hands together and leaned in for another kiss. “I really am sorry for making you cry and making you think I didn't love you.”

Dean gave him a half hearted smile. “We both still have issues we need to work on. I'll try to be less emotionally needy.”

“You're not. Baby, you are not.” Castiel held his face and searched his eyes. “I'm emotionally constipated or something, but you are not needy, except in bed.” He winked. “Dean, yes, we're both a mess, individually, but together we're so much stronger.”

Dean felt shaky. “Will you tell me again sometime?” 

Cas wrapped his arms around his neck. “I love you, Dean. I always will.”

“Make love to me?” Dean whispered the request in his ear. 

Cas stood, lifting Dean off the floor with him. He kept his arms around Dean's neck as he walked them both to his room, pausing occasionally to kiss passionately and slowly. Once inside the bedroom, he began to work their clothes off between lingering kisses. 

Whispered “I love you"s filled the air of the room with each new movement. Cas laid Dean on the bed on his back. Prepping him was done so sweetly and tenderly that Dean was left whimpering and begging for Cas to be in him. 

Cas draped himself over Dean's body as he pressed inside slowly. “I love you,” he continued to whisper, reassuring Dean. “Baby, ah,” he sighed in pleasure. 

Dean reached up and wrapped both legs around his waist and both arms around his neck. “I love you,” Dean replied breathlessly. 

Those three words were a whispered mantra between the two as skin met skin. Dean cried out a few moans when Cas hit that magical spot. The words he'd so longed to hear filled Dean's ears to the point that tears leaked from his eyes. Cas kissed them away softly as they both climbed closer to their climaxes. 

Dean reached his just seconds before Cas stilled inside him. Breathless, sated, and beyond happy, Dean didn't want to move. Castiel cleaned them up silently and crawled in the bed with Dean. “I'm sorry it took so long,” he whispered. 

Dean laid his head on the other boy's chest. “It's okay. We all heal and fall in love at different places. I was just scared I would never hear it from you,” he admitted. 

“I was scared to say it,” Cas replied. “Dean, I'm still scared I'll try to do this again.” He gestured to his wrists. 

Dean kissed each scar. “I'll be here with you. You never have to be alone again, my love. You never have to feel alone again.” 

Cas burst into unexpected tears. Dean wiped them away with his lips gently. “I'll always love you, Castiel.”


	34. Chapter 34

Lucifer knocked on the bedroom door. It had been two weeks since he'd found Cas and Dean naked in bed, whispering and crying. Since then, he required Cas’ door to be closed at all times. “Cas, put on some clothes.”

Castiel emerged from the room shortly. His hair was messy and he looked tired. He gave Lucifer a groggy look. 

“Zachariah’s dead,” his older cousin said. 

Castiel pinched his nose. “Tell me it wasn't you.”

“It wasn't. Hannah was with him. She's fine, well physically. Naomi, of course, wasn't with him. Drunk driver.” He patted Cas on the shoulder. “Thought you'd want to know.”

Cas nodded. “I won't be allowed at the funeral.”

“If you want to go, let me know and we'll go,” Lucifer said. “I won't let them deny you.”

Cas let his gaze fall and returned to bed. “Father died. Is it wrong that I'm relieved?”

“No,” Dean said as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. He kissed the messy hair. “I would be happy if my father died. I think if they'd been decent men you would be upset.”

“Actually, I kind of am.” Cas looked up to meet Dean's confused green eyes. “I kind of wanted to rub our relationship in his face, invite him to graduation.”

Dean ran his fingers through the other boy's dark hair. “Maybe now without him around you can see Hannah again. Maybe you can still be her brother.”

Castiel smiled but it faltered. “Mother is still around.”

“And now she has to be more present. She can't pawn Hannah off on you or your father anymore.” Dean realized Cas' mother had never been a mom. “Is that why you want me to try so hard with Mary?”

Cas dropped his head. “Naomi was never home. When she was, she never really saw me. I doubt she's even noticed that father threw me out.”

Dean decided a change of subject was needed. “Prom is next week. Then we have finals two weeks later. Then we're done. Four weeks left of school,” he stated. 

“Charlie hasn't shut up about prom,” the blue eyed boy groused. “She's already picked what I'm wearing,” he groaned. 

“I'm sure you and the girls will have fun,” Dean said. “Dorothy hasn't said it, but I know she's excited.”

Cas sat up suddenly. “Me and the girls? You're not going?” He felt a pang in his chest. 

“The last party didn't really end well for us. I don't want to risk it, baby. You're too important,” he added. Dean blushed. “Plus it's kinda stupid.”

“So was homecoming.” Castiel seemed hurt that Dean didn't want to go to prom. “I guess I need to let Charlie know. She's been making plans for the four of us.”

“What about Kevin?” Dean asked. 

“He's got a date with Channing,” he smirked. “She asked him out.” His face fell. “You really don't want to go?”  _ With me _ , Cas added mentally. 

“I don't want to risk doing anything stupid to hurt you again, Cas,” Dean said honestly. 

Two days later, both boys missed school to go to the funeral. Cas had not mentioned prom at all since. Dean began to wonder if he'd messed up again somehow. Cas was quiet and somber. 

“It'll be okay,” Dean reassured him. “I'll be there with you. Lucifer and Meg will also be there.” 

Cas nodded mutely. He moved almost on autopilot. He missed Dean's worried face and the concerned look on his cousin's face. Cas didn't want to feel anything. 

Dean tried to hold his hand, but Cas wasn't interested. Holding Dean's hand meant acknowledging his feelings, and today he didn't want that. Today, Cas wished that more than anything he could be like he had been before Dean, hollow and unfeeling. 

The cemetery was eerily quiet. No mourning sobs filled the air. Hannah stood by her mother, but she wasn't touching her. The casket was not set to be lowered yet and there weren't many people to witness it. Castiel approached quietly with Lucifer, Meg, and Dean just behind him. 

Naomi turned to face them. “You are not welcome here. You do not get to mourn him,” she said firmly. 

Castiel met her gaze with a hard, cold one of his own. “I'm not here to mourn. I'm here to bury the past.”

“You caused this you know. Running away in the middle of the night like that caused him to drink too much,” she said sadly. She believed what she was saying. “I nearly lost them both.” She touched Hannah's shoulder. 

Castiel scoffed. “So that's what he told you. He lied,  _ Naomi _ . That man chucked me out on my birthday after he beat the hell out of me for being gay.”

Hannah gasped. “He told me you didn't want to live with us anymore.”

Castiel looked to his sister. “Remember how you used to ask where the bruises came from?”

Her eyes filled with tears. “The bad people do bad things,” she said. 

“I didn't want you think the bad person lived in the same house.” Castiel’s eyes softened when looking at her. “He lived with us.”

Hannah stepped forward. “You could have told me.” She searched his face. “Why did you protect me?” Her intelligence showed. 

He knelt in front of her. “I'm your brother. I'm supposed to protect you. I've always looked out for you.”

Hannah hugged him. “I thought you went away because you didn't love me,” she sobbed. 

He held her tightly. Cas made eye contact with Naomi. “Don't keep me away from her.”

Naomi looked down her nose at her son. “He had every right to kick you out.” She looked to her daughter who clung to Castiel. “You may visit.”

“With Dean,” he added. He gripped his boyfriend’s hand for the first time that day. 

Hannah let go enough to look up and whisper in her brother's ear. “He's pretty.”

Cas chuckled and stood up. “Yeah, he is,” he said with a smile. He looked to Naomi. “Graduation is in three weeks. I'm the top of my class. Is that good enough for you yet?”

Naomi seemed surprised. “Really? None of the other kids are smarter than you?” Cas flinched. 

“Don't you dare talk to him like that,” Dean said protectively. “You don't deserve for him to even speak to you.”

“Dean, it's fine,” Cas said quietly. 

“No, it's not okay that she treats you like this, like you're not worth her time. She doesn't get how lucky she is.” The strain in Dean's voice was evident. 

“I know she doesn't,” Cas replied softly. “Mother, you may not speak to me with such disrespect. Hannah, please go with Lucifer and Meg for a moment.” His sister followed his cousin. Castiel returned his gaze to Naomi. “No one told you I almost died. Father nearly killed me himself a few times, but I was in the hospital for over a week following a suicide attempt. Dean is the only reason I'm still alive.”

Naomi was surprised. She looked to her husband's casket. When she looked back at her son, there were tears in her eyes. “He did that to you?”

“You both did. You were never there, mother. You never saw what he was doing,” Cas explained. “Be there for her.” 

Naomi let a single tear fall. “You're still looking out for her.”

He shrugged. “I'm her brother.”

Cas and Dean walked away, leaving the woman alone to bury the monster. Castiel paused before he reached where Lucifer was talking to Hannah. “Thank you,” he told Dean. 

“Feel any better?” Dean asked. Cas nodded and gave him a light kiss. 

Hannah ran up to them. “Luci told me a secret!” 

Dean smiled. “It's not a secret if you tell us.” Cas joined Lucifer, leaving Dean to the mercy of his energetic sister. 

She looked thoughtful for an eleven year old. “Okay. So you're my brother's boyfriend?” she asked Dean. Dean smirked and nodded. “You better be nice to him.”

Dean laughed. “Come here.” He picked the girl up and put her on his shoulders. “I'm always nice to him.”

Hannah leaned on Dean's head. “He looks happy. He never looked like that before.”

“He wasn't loved before,” Dean said. “Want to help me with a surprise for him?”

Hannah squealed in delight. Then she screamed in laughter as Dean swung her around. He realized he had what he thought he'd never have.


	35. Chapter 35

Hannah had come over to visit twice since the funeral. She always asked to see Dean. Castiel felt jilted. His boyfriend and his sister got along so well. He should be happy, but he felt like his time with his sister was stolen by Dean. 

“I have a secret,” she told Cas with a huge smile. 

Cas gave her a look. “Sharing secrets isn't nice, remember.”

“Okay, so come here then.” She pulled his hand and lead him to the backyard of Lucifer's house. “Just remember I helped.” She said before she shoved him out the door, locking it behind him.

“Hannah! Unlock the door!” he shouted. 

Lights lit up all around him like stars. He turned around to see what was going on. Dean was standing in the middle of the yard wearing a black tux. Cas gasped. 

Dean held out a hand for him. “I'm sorry I won't be at prom. I know you were looking forward to it.” 

Cas recoiled a little. “Why won't you be there? Can't I change your mind?”

Dean shook his head. “It's safer if we don't go together.” He held out his hand again. Cas accepted it this time. “There's a rumor going around school. Me going would put you in danger.”

Cas looked scared. “Then I'll stay home with you.”

Dean was amused. “No, baby, you go and have fun. I'm going to take care of it.” 

Cas frowned knowingly. “What is Lucifer helping you do?”

Dean touched his cheek softly. “I love how smart you are. Some of the kids are planning on treating us both like they did you at the homecoming party. I won't let it happen to you.” Dean kissed his hand. 

Castiel wanted to melt at the gesture. “I was attacked because I was alone. You weren't with me then.”

Dean closed his eyes. “I have a plan.”

Castiel yanked his hand away. “Just stop. Just enjoy the dance with me. Please!” Dean reached for him again. Cas backed up. “No, don't do it. Don't risk our future for this...this petty revenge.”

Dean stopped, suddenly afraid of losing everything he wanted with Cas. “You think I'm risking our future?”

“What happens when you and Lucifer get arrested for whatever it is you're planning? You'll lose the opportunity you have at the fire safety school,” Cas cried. 

Dean sighed in defeat. “Okay. Okay, I won't do it. But I won't see you get hurt again.” He bent to one knee and held up a rose. “You like corny shit. Will you go to prom with me, Cas?”

Cas blushed. “Yes, I will. Now get up so I can kiss you.” Dean stood. Cas smacked him on the head. “Don't do that to me.” He pressed their lips together. 

“It was Hannah's idea,” Dean whispered between kisses. “She said this would make it believable.”

Cas breathed hard. “Make what believable?”

“This,” Dean said stepping out of the way. 

Behind Dean stood Meg, Charlie, Dorothy, Kevin, Lucifer, Missouri, and Hannah. There was a cake on a small table.

“We're going on a vacation immediately after graduation. I'm taking you wherever you want to go,” Dean explained. “So this is our graduation party.” 

“But, Dean, we can't afford,” Cas started. 

Missouri interrupted him. “Dear, your family and I have put the money together.” She stepped forward. “I have a surprise for both of you. Turn around.”

Mary and Sam came through the gate in the fence. She handed Dean an envelope. “This is yours, Dean. Everything I spent on Sam I set aside the same for you. This is everything minus the cost of your therapy. Missouri let me take care of that once I found out.”

Cas looked over to see Dean in tears. “Dean?” Sam spoke up. The younger boy tugged another boy forwards. “This is Gabe.” 

Their hands were joined. “Finally asked him out, huh, Sammy?” Dean teased. 

The boy groaned. “Actually, I did,” Gabe said. 

Lucifer dropped something. “Holy shit.” Someone chastised him for language. “Your last name isn't Novak, is it?” He stepped forward. 

Gabe gave him a wary look. “It was a long time ago. No one knows that. How do you?”

Lucifer looked hopeful. “Because you're my brother,” he said quietly. “Your mom took you when she left our dad. You have dad’s eyes.”

Gabe seemed to accept this. “Where is he?” 

“I'll show you later,” Lucifer tried to hide how he felt. “Uh, this means that Cas and Hannah are your cousins.” He motioned to each of them. 

“And I'm your aunt,” a new voice spoke. Behind them all at the gate stood Naomi.

“Mother?” Castiel was surprised by her appearance and instinctively stood between her and Dean. “Why are you here?”

Naomi’s face reflected disappointment. “I was told this was to be your graduation party.” She dug out an envelope from her purse. “This is for you,” she said, holding out another envelope. 

Castiel took the envelope without opening it. “You may leave,” he said coldly. 

Naomi nodded and left, but Dean swore he saw a tear or two leave her eyes as she left. He stepped closer to Cas. “Babe, are you okay?” he whispered. 

Cas shook his head. “I need a minute.”


	36. Chapter 36

Dean found Cas an hour later huddled on the floor of his bedroom crying. “Hey, hey, baby, it's okay,” he said soothingly. He scooped the boy up in his arms and placed him gently on the bed. “What's wrong?”

Cas held the tattered remains of the envelope and its contents. “She…” he sobbed. He handed the letter to Dean. 

_ ‘Dear Castiel, _

_ I wish I had been a better mother to you. I wish I could change the past. I would do it differently. I asked for your medical records at the hospital. It helps that I'm the director of the hospital otherwise I would not be able to access them. I missed your eighteenth birthday, and on that night, Zachariah did unforgivable things to you.  _

_ I cannot change the past, my little angel. I can assist with your future. I've been saving for both you and your sister since your births. Inside this letter is all the information you need to access your account. I removed my name from the account as I thought you may decide to cut me off for which I do not blame you. _

_ When I saw the way you look at Dean, I only wished for your happiness to continue. Hannah adores Dean, which tells me he is a truly kind person. I hope he continues to make you happy. I've never seen you smile like I saw as you left the funeral. I'm forever glad and grateful he chose to save you.  _

_ I wish you the very best, my sweet little angel. You've grown up to be an incredible man. _

_ Naomi’ _

Dean noticed the tear stains on the paper and saw fresh teardrops near some older ones. Naomi had cried while writing this, and Cas cried while reading it. Dean looked at the other page and his jaw dropped. 

“She had a college fund for me,” Cas said quietly. “Maybe she did care all along,” his voice cracked. 

Dean held him and kissed the top of his head softly. “Cas, we should give both of our mothers a shot,” he said softly. “Maybe they've loved us all along.”

Cas sobbed. “She never saw what he did to me. She never…” His eyes fell on the letter. “There's enough there for us to get an apartment and live without needing a job for a few years at least.”

Dean smiled. “Cas, that's your money. You should spend it how you want.”

“She approved of you,” his voice trembled. His eyes watered. “She accepted me.”

Dean cupped his face gently. “She loves you, baby. Do you want to call her?” 

Cas leaned his forehead against Dean's. “I don't want her to see me like this.” He hid his face in Dean's neck. “Didn't want you to see me like this either.”

Dean let him hide. “I was worried when you didn't come back out to the party. I had to get Gabe and Lucifer to keep Hannah distracted so I could come find you.”

Cas threw his arms around Dean's neck. “How did I get such a perfect guy?”

Dean laughed. “Okay, now, I know you haven't been drinking without me. Mom won't let me bring the booze out there. Some shit about being bad influences on the kids.”

This made Castiel smile. “I'll be out in a minute. You go back before Hannah comes looking for you. I need to remind her you're  _ my _ boyfriend, not hers.” He smirked. 

Dean returned to the party, leaving Castiel alone. Cas stared at the letter for a moment then dialed a number on his phone.

“I didn't expect to hear from you,” Naomi's voice wavered. 

Cas sniffled. “Did you love me at all?” he asked weakly. 

Naomi gasped. “I have always loved you, Castiel. You're my son.” She paused. “I'm so sorry I was terrible at showing you.”

Cas wiped his face. “You were never home. I always thought it was because of me. It was obvious you loved Hannah,” he said. He was tired of feeling broken. 

“I never realized I was treating you two differently until I had to be more present. I cleaned out Zachariah’s bank account he didn't think I knew about. I split it between yours and Hannah's accounts. I hope it's enough to cover anything scholarships may not. If it isn't, please accept my help,” she requested. He could hear the sincerity in her voice. “I'm proud of you,” she said, her voice just above a whisper. 

Castiel failed to hold back more tears. “You love me the way I am? Even though I'm gay?” he asked brokenly. 

“My little angel, I've always known who you were. I'm just so sorry I didn't really know my own husband. I'm happy you found someone who treats you the way you should be treated.” He could hear the tone in her voice and knew she meant every word. 

“You can come back to the party if...if you want to,” he offered shakily. “And you can call or text and stuff.”

“I'll be over shortly,” she said softly. 

Cas stayed in the bedroom a few minutes after he hung up. He attempted to compose himself before returning to the party. He watched everyone interacting through the window and smiled. Naomi returned to the party shortly after Castiel did. 


	37. Chapter 37

****

_ Four years later _

 

“I'm gonna do it. Just stop asking,” Dean hissed over the phone at Charlie. “What color? He's home.” He hung up quickly. 

Cas opened the door and saw the look on Dean's face. “You're planning something with Charlie again. What is it this time?” He sounded as if this were routine. It was. 

Dean approached and kissed him to greet him. “It's a surprise,” he said honestly. “Please let me surprise you for once.” He gave the blue eyed man a knowing look. 

Cas sighed in resignation. “How can I say no when you look at me like that with those beautiful green eyes?” Dean grinned. “I hate when you do that to get your way,” he said pointedly. 

“You'll like it, promise,” Dean said referring to the surprise. “Don't try to get it out of Charlie. She owed me and I'm using that against her.”

Cas had begun unpacking his backpack. “I'm focused on finals anyway. I need good scores on my last ones for sure.” He spun to face his boyfriend. “Are you sure you're okay with me starting the master's program next term? I could get a job and just take one or two classes instead of a full load.” 

Dean cupped his face. “Baby, I told you it's fine. I want you to focus on school. You're going to be a sexy psychiatrist and help people.” He kissed his lips. “And I'll get to call you doctor sexy. Way sexier than the show.” He kissed his neck. 

Cas melted at the gesture. “Hmm, you love that show and you think Doctor Sexy is very sexy.” He resisted Dean. 

Dean continued kissing his neck. “But I have an even sexier boyfriend.” 

Cas looked away. Even after all this time, he never believed Dean when he told him he was beautiful or sexy. Dean touched his face gently. “Cas, you're the most beautiful man in my eyes,” he said softly, knowing Castiel's insecurities. “One day, I hope you'll see what I see.” 

Castiel sighed. “I wish that what you say is true. But, Dean, I have scars that are ugly.”

Dean took his wrists in his hands. “No, you have scars that prove how strong you are. They tell a story of how much you have been through and that you survived. That makes your scars beautiful, baby.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and laid his head on his shoulder. “What would I do without you?”

Dean smiled softly. “I never want to find out.”

After Cas finished his finals, Dean came home from a long shift looking really shaken up. “Dean? Dean, what's wrong?” Cas asked as soon as he saw the state his boyfriend was in. 

Dean sat beside him and clung to Cas. “We responded to a call. A little boy was...it was like John all over again,” he whispered brokenly. “I barely made it through my shift.” 

Cas held him. “John is in prison. That man will go to prison too. The little boy will be okay one day. You know this because you survived the same thing, baby.” 

Dean sobbed into his shoulder. “Why do people do this to kids? There was so much blood on him. Victor had to handle the kid. I-I couldn't…” his voice broke. “He was seven,” Dean whispered. 

Cas held his head to his shoulder and pulled the rest of him into his lap. “Baby, you did help him. You and Victor responded to the call. Now the man who did that can't hurt the boy anymore. Do you want to go check on the boy tomorrow?”

Dean nodded. He sniffled into the shirt. “Cas, what if we took care of kids like that in our house?” 

Cas stared at him in confusion. Dean lifted his head. “We live in an apartment, Dean. It's not big enough to help kids.”

Dean wiped his face and hovered over Cas. “We could foster kids. Take care of the kids who really truly need it. Kids that are like us.”

Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair. “They don't let gay couples foster unless they're married.”

Dean shifted. He dug something from his pocket. “I wanted to do this big cheesy romantic gesture because I know you love that.” He held up a box. “I know we've had a lot happen to us, but I know there's no one out there for me except you. I want to marry you and take care of kids together and have a house and a cat just because you want one. Cas, I love you more than I can ever say.” He opened the box to reveal the simple silver band with blue sapphires in a small slant across the band. 

Cas gasped. “Oh, Dean.” He stared at the band. “I was going to ask you. I was just trying to find the right time.” He dug in the couch cushion and pulled out an identical box. “Looks like Charlie played us.” Dean's band was silver with a set of green emeralds in a slant across the ring. 

Dean surged forward and kissed Cas. “I love you,” he breathed. “I'll marry you if you marry me.”

Cas laughed. “You're so cute when you're happy. Yes, of course, Dean.” Castiel let Dean put the ring on his finger and then did the same for his fiancé. “I love you, Dean.” 

Dean searched his face. “So the idea of kids doesn't make you want to run off with someone else?” 

Cas kissed him tenderly. “You're the only one for me, Dean. I'd love to foster, adopt, or have kids via surrogacy with you. But let's get married and get a place big enough first. I want my doctorate to say Novak-Winchester or just Winchester.”

Dean rested his head against Cas’ shoulder again. “That is incredibly sexy, Cas. Doctor Castiel Winchester.” He moaned at the words and thrust his hips down. “Unbelievably hot,” he whispered in his fiancé's ear.

Cas’ eyes were darker. “Say it again,” he demanded. 

“Castiel Winchester,” Dean half moaned out the name. “Cas,” he groaned and rolled his hips into the man below him. 

Cas ripped Dean's shirt off with a hungry urgency. Dean sighed at the touch and removed Cas’ shirt with equal haste. They touched and kissed each other with feverish passion. Dean struggled to remove Cas’ pants. Cas nimbly removed both of their pants and boxers. 

Dean breathed fast and hard. “Make love to me, Cas?” He begged. He leaned back on the other end of the couch, inviting Castiel on top of him. It wasn't often that Dean bottomed. He still had nightmares, but they were few and far between now. 

Cas knew what Dean was offering him. He knew that his new fiance would have nightmares that night. Cas was as gentle with Dean as he possibly could be. Dean was a writhing, moaning mess in minutes. Still Cas took his time. 

“Cas, teasing is great and all, but can we get on with it?” Dean asked just before Cas took him in his mouth. Dean moaned loudly. 

Cas prepped him slowly letting Dean come right up to the precipice only to grip him by the base of his cock and pull him back. Dean swore. Cas used this moment to slide home causing both men to moan. 

Cas leaned down over Dean and laced their fingers together. He captured Dean's lips with his own in a tender and intimate kiss. “I love you, Dean,” Cas whispered. He moved his hips slowly. “I love you.” 

Dean moaned and nodded his head. It was all he could do at this point. “Cas,” he moaned. Cas knew what the man below him needed. He snapped his hips a little harder, pushing in deeper. They were both panting hard and covered in a thin layer of sweat. 

Castiel took Dean's hands and pinned them above his head with one hand. “Don't move them.” Cas braced himself with both hands and began to thrust quickly and hard. 

Dean cried out and almost moved his hands. “Cas!” he cried out. “Baby, t-touch me,” he begged. 

“No, my cock only,” Cas commanded. He snapped his his harder and faster, pounding relentlessly into Dean's prostate. “Dean, baby, come for me,” he said when he knew Dean was close. 

Dean gasped and came with a cry of his fiance's name. Cas kept moving, chasing his own orgasm while rocking Dean through his. The dark haired man's hips stuttered and Dean locked eyes on his. “I love you,” he whispered. Cas came almost with a sigh. 

Cas leaned down over Dean. “I love you, too.”

Moments later they decided to take a picture of the rings on their hands. “Charlie will kill us if we don't tell her. Our moms will want to know too,” Cas said. He kissed Dean. 

“Here,” Dean said pulling out his phone. “Put our hands together.” They slotted their hands together, and Dean snapped a photo.

“Try again, baby. You can tell we're naked in that one,” Cas said with a kiss behind Dean's ear. 

Dean tried again and Cas was satisfied. He sent it to Cas so it could be shared. Cas texted the pic to Naomi and Charlie. Dean sent it to his mom, Missouri, and his mother, Mary. 

**Mary:** Congratulations, boys. I'm so happy for you. 

**Dean:** Thanks. I'm so glad he said yes.

**Missouri:** Put some clothes on, boy. You know better. I expect my invitation to be delivered in person, Dean.

**Dean:** Mom, want to have dinner soon to celebrate?

**Missouri:** That's better. We can work around your schedules.

Cas watched his phone nervously. He saw Dean smiling at his. Dean held him. “She'll be happy for you, baby.”

“I'm just hoping she hasn't dropped off radar again,” Cas said quietly. Naomi still disappeared from time to time, but it wasn't nearly as bad as before. 

Dean pulled Cas closer. “Even if she is, we can always tell her later,” he said softly, trying to comfort him. “I'm sorry she still does this. Did you tell Hannah?”

He shook his head. “Hannah hasn't spoken to me since her boyfriend broke up with her.” Cas sounded upset. 

A phone began to vibrate indicating a call. “It's yours, Cas,” Dean said handing him the phone. 

“Mom?” Cas answered the phone shakily. 

“You send me that in a text? What happened to I'll call you when I ask him?” she replied. 

“To be fair, he asked me first,” Cas said with a smile. “I wasn't sure you got my message.” Dean could hear the hurt in his fiance's voice. 

“My little angel, I'm never too busy for you.” Dean rolled his eyes. “You tell Dean that I know he doesn't believe me, but I will be there for your wedding.” 

Dean stared at the phone. Cas nodded. “I hope so,” he whispered. 

“Castiel, I'm happy for you,” Naomi stated. “I love you and Dean.”

Cas was in tears. His emotions were in total overload. “Love you too.” He hung up the phone and sobbed. “Why did that feel like goodbye but sound like a promise? Why does she do that?”

Dean comforted him as best as he could. “I don't know, sweetheart. I had hoped she wouldn't hurt you this time,” he said honestly. Dean kissed the top of his head. “We don't have to keep letting her in. We have two other moms that love us,” he said soothingly. 

“You do. Mine says one thing and does another,” Cas sniffled. “I don't know how I would handle this without you,” he said looking up at Dean. “You've been saving me for years, Dean.” 

Dean smiled softly, nothing but love in his eyes. “I always will, Cas. Just like you do for me.”


End file.
